Good morning! I recently started ERP and thought since I'm on medications it will not bother me so much and I will not respond to the triggers but I was wrong. I do respond to triggers and it aggravates my OCD. What is your experience with ERP? How long did it take? Did it get worse before it got better?
Last night OCD tried to trick me again. It came up with new thought to bug me with and tried to convince me ERP will fail. My therapist says OCD is a jerk, and it really is.
It takes weeks for ERP to work, and sometimes, when you think everything is under control, you experience a relapse. Like they say, recovery is not linear. If you've been used to give in to ruminations or compulsions for a long time, it's not easy to change habits.
What helped my recovery stabilize is understanding the role of my conscience. For instance, I value healthy living. So, when I'm tempted to eat too much dessert because it's so delicious, my conscience is sending me signals like, "You may have additional pleasure, but there will be a price to pay later on". And it works. It allows me to keep my eating within reasonable limits.
For a long time, I wondered why it didn't work with my ruminations. Why was my conscience not sending me signals like, "Okay, you've done enough thinking, it's time to decide now, or take a break". It's when I realized that I was receiving signals from my conscience, but I was deflecting them by telling myself, "Let me first get the peace of mind I'm looking for, and then I'll do what's reasonable". Of course, my ruminations were never delivering the peace of mind I was seeking, so I was never doing what was reasonable.
Now, thanks to ERP, I listen to the signals sent by my conscience and I refuse to deflect them by telling myself, for instance, "In few minutes I'll bring my ruminations to a successful conclusion, and then I'll focus on my regular work/life". And it works. OCD leaves me reasonably alone.
Thank you so much for your reply. I've been struggling with OCD for years and I joke with my therapist that I am really good at it. With that being said I have mental compulsions that up until recently I didn't know they were compulsions- ruminating, thoughts blocking, self reassurance , checking/ scanning and compulsive flooding. I've done this for about 20 years and you are right, it will take time to unlearn this pathways and break from my habits. I will forever have OCD and I am afraid I will always be afraid of it. I just need to make peace with myself about it
I also had mental compulsions for years. I’ve had OCD off and on since I was 15 and I’m close to 70 now!! I really didn’t get help until 2006 when I had a horrible relapse. Since then I’ve had years with very few symptoms, but I have had two relapses, one in 2015 and the last one this past March. It’s usually triggered by life events. Anyway, every time I relapse I have to start all over with my “ tools”, and it takes time, but it does get better. You’re right, your brain has learned to react a certain way to thoughts and you have to basically change the wiring. It takes time, but it can be done. You must be patient, it does not happen overnight and it’s not linear. There are many ups and downs. Also, you mentioned being afraid of your OCD. I have been too, but I have tried hard to change my attitude. I tell myself even though I can’t control my thoughts I can control how to react and not do compulsions no matter how hard it is. I remind myself I am stronger than OCD. You are strong too, keep fighting. One moment at a time.
You think, "I will forever have OCD". It's true in some regards. One can't get rid of OCD once and for all. Regular maintenance is required. If one becomes complacent and in times of stress or purposelessness, it could return like with many other disorders (addiction, anorexia, bulimia, etc.). However, why not think, "As long as I manage my life reasonably well, I can keep OCD at bay"? Anyway it's no big deal if it returns if you have the necessary tools to handle it.
Can you please provide more tips or a more in depth explanation of how to use ERP for rumination? Every time I try to stop ruminating it becomes another compulsion. Even when meditating. I’m having a REALLY hard time and little meds or therapy is working. Even trying NOT to engage in the OCD becomes a repetitive compulsion.
ERP is difficult at times because we may feel ambivalent towards it and OCD. OCD is making our life miserable in the long run, but engaging in ruminations does provide some temporary relief.
To get rid of that ambivalence, you need to face reality, look at the big picture, and ask yourself, "2 or 3 years from now, if I'm still ruminating, how would I feel, sad or happy?". If the answer is "sad", that means that deep down you don't want to ruminate. You ruminate just because you lost faith in your ability to do otherwise. Once you established that, you're ready to undertake wholeheartedly ERP.
When you encounter triggering circumstances, try to stop ruminating, and focus on what you really want to do in life, while remembering the person you want to be in the real world. That will help you tolerate the temporary difficulty to do ERP, and resist the temptation to make ERP or meditation another form of compulsion. Results come gradually, but if you face reality and consider what reality will become depending on your present efforts, your motivation to bring ERP to a successful conclusion has better chances to stay strong.
I need tips on how to stop the rumination with ERP. I’m telling you I am literally unable to do so. How can I use ERP techniques please?
Right now you feel unable to stop ruminations because you think life would be unbearable if you didn't ruminate. Ruminations may solve my problems, you may think. Who knows? One can't be sure. OCD is often described as a "doubting disease". It pushes you to doubt the merits of stopping your ruminations and your ability to do it.
To know what you really value in life, you need to ask yourself whether you would choose to stop ruminating if you had a normal ability to do so. If you answer positively to the question, that means that you ruminate only because you don't seem able to stop doing it. If you think you were able to stop ruminating, you wouldn't ruminate. So, what can you do to start trusting your ability to stop ruminations? You need small successes. You need to prove that you can have a normal life without having to ruminate. You need to prove that you can end your disturbing thoughts without feeding your ruminations.
If you have been ruminating for a long time, right now your past actions are encouraging you to keep ruminating because you may think, "I've got so far, I may as well continue". When I was in that situation, I asked myself , "What can I do so that my past actions encourage me to live an obsession-free life?". My answer was, "In the moment when my present life turns into my past life, which is unchangeable, I need to make sensible choices, even if I don't always feel like it". It's difficult, but that's the price I have to pay in order for my recent past actions to motivate me to live a rumination-free life. Hope needs good reasons to stay alive.
To make sensible choices meant for me to stop feeding my ruminations, and start focusing on what I really value in life: relationships, work, and all the simple pleasures in life. It paid off the end. I wish it works the same for you.
It's true, OCD is a jerk. It sucks, and no mistake! And ERP is difficult to do. Being on medication does make it easier, but it's still difficult.
But it does work. And it gets easier. It's a bit like stretching a limb when you've damaged a muscle, as I found out when I did my shoulder in some years ago. The slightest movement was really painful, but by gradually stretching, painful though it was, I regained movement and it became less painful. The relief was enormous. A little pain, a lot of gain!
I've found that starting small works best for me. Try to work on the less intense compulsions to begin with. If it helps, make a list of compulsions, grading them from 0 to 10 according to intensity, and work your way up the list.
There are always setbacks, and you won't always succeed in resisting, but it's important not to think of these as failures. Each attempt helps to undo the OCD, whether it succeeds or not.
As the others have said, it's an ongoing process - and one that it's worth ingraining into your life. I've heard it described as being like keeping a garden free from weeds.
Don't get downhearted if you do relapse. This is a fluctuating condition, but with the tools to manage (and keep them sharp and shiny) it can be controlled.
Thank you so much for your message and support. Now I have more clear understanding and expectations. Thank you
Is ERP = Be Bad?
Can you afford OCD therapy?
OCD therapy 
