How do I live on my own when I can't even do laundry?

[EmmaBlakey]

Hi, I was diagnosed in 2020 with OCD (worst year of my life) and have struggled over the five years of recovery. I have come to a point in my life where I can do things, or not do things. I am unable to live on my own, I live with my parents (guardians) and they basically take care of me through daily household chores and, I can do the basics of self care, like hygiene or walking the dog, getting myself breakfast or lunch. Laundry, or cooking, grocery shopping and stuff like that I can't do on my own very much. Due to the severity of OCD. I really want to move out on my own, I am 22.....I can do laundry, dishes, I can cook some meals, but I can barely do anything at the same time. The OCD makes it nearly impossible some days to do things, gives so much pain. I have very good doctors though, that are helping me treat it.

The OCD is sooooo intense, I had a major OCD flare-up these last two weeks. My therapist is about to, or just had a baby. I have an appointment coming up with someone she recommended to us for the time being.

We were working on something called levels, where it's like leveling up in a game. But in life, where I start with level 1 & work my way up. Level 4 is like riding the bus to Starbucks and back home, level 1 is taking my meds. Stuff like that, gets harder every level. I cannot though, be consistent enough with my levels long enough to do things on my own to the point of moving out. I really want to move out, but I am stuck.

My OCD is so intensely debilitating. It is driving me up the wall, I would love to move into a place similar to a senior lodge but made for families and individuals with disabilities or an apartment. Where they teach you, you learn and grow. But if you can't live on your own, they take care of you.

Where I can transition and live there, and if I get my own family move them in and or move out into a bigger place that still has the support structure from the previous place.

while learning the skills necessary to living on my own. I would love even if I could get a 1-2 bedroom with pets allowed.

Has anyone else had similar experiences to this or are currently in, and what do you recommend for me too look into for the future? I have tried to look into owning or renting (I have AISH) but fail to see benefits of it cause if I were to ever not be able to do anything. I would get kicked out and become homeless. I live in AB, Canada.

I also am going into college in September, not even sure If I will be able to do it because of OCD.

I am stressed out about it and want to know any learning strategies you would recommend with OCD? I am also diagnosed with Depression, Sensory processing disorder, Mild ADHD, and I have a developmental delay. Which the delay also plays a big part with my other stuff. I honestly have been struggling lately, and want to improve. So if I ever get the chance to get married and have children I want to be able to take care of myself and my spouse and children. I want to have a job, I want to drive, and do all these things. Yet my body and mind say no, so how do I go about navigating my life with these struggles and still live a full and meaningful life? I really want to move out, but I fail to see if it will ever be possible. Thanks for listening/reading.

Em

[deValentin]

You need to start with small goals. Small successes will help you set bigger goals. The strategy of steps proposed by your therapist is excellent. One cannot be 100% sure of the end result. So, you take it one small step at the time. It does require patience and determination, but the efforts are worth it.

OCD doesn't like to be delayed because it makes it lose its strength. So, when an OCD urge appears, ask it to wait until you finish a particular task like cooking a meal or doing laundry. On the other hand, when you're set to perform a particular task like taking the bus or grocery shopping, do it without unnecessary delays. Momentum is important in that case.

Remember the Chinese proverb: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". I wish you good luck on your journey to recovery.

[EmmaBlakey in reply to deValentin]

Thank-you, that is really helpful!

[Natureloverpeace]

It sounds like you’re making great progress and are highly motivated to keep moving forward. Recovery isn’t usually done in leaps and bounds but rather in small, manageable steps. Recovery isn’t linear either. One step at a time.

[EmmaBlakey in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Thanks, I will do small little steps

[LiveOutLove_22]

Hey I relate so much to what your going through. OCD can be debilitating at times. I am finally on the path to recovery thanks to medication and therapy. I have made signifcant progress in just 2 months. I have struggled with alot of the same things you are currently going through. I think it's important to give yourself grace. This disorder is already so hard and confusing at times, try not to put yourself down too much. And it looks like you can do allot of things on your own you could just use that extra boost of confidence. If I can tackle allot of these struggles I have no doubt you can as well. That is great you are in therapy and you have great doctors. That can be the biggest struggle some times is figuring out where to get help and asking for help. But it looks like you are doing all the right and necessary steps in order to handle OCD. Take it one day at time, that's what I'm doing. Everyday is different sometimes your OCD is going to be worse than other days. Don't be so hard on yourself just keep trying. I hope you can use the online community to vent and to understand we are all struggling with this awful disorder. But congrats on getting into college, its an adjustment for sure but remember alot of your fears are your OCD don't let it keep you from doing something you want to do. Best of luck to you. You Got This!

[EmmaBlakey in reply to LiveOutLove_22]

Thank-you!!! I really appreciate it!

[EmmaBlakey in reply to LiveOutLove_22]

You got this too!

[Sallyskins]

It doesn't have to be like this always. It's good, for a start, that you're getting appropriate help for your OCD.

Remember that fighting OCD doesn't mean that you will progress from one step to another smoothly. It doesn't behave like that! Often there will be setbacks, things you can't do, things you can do one day but not the next. The point is to keep on fighting.

And give yourself a break. Lots of people live with parents at 22, for lots of different reasons. Disability is one, but money is also a big factor. Over here in England (though I'm actually Canadian too!) getting somewhere affordable to live is a big problem for many young people and many move back in with their parents after university. It doesn't mean you've failed to cope on your own.

And as for coping on your own, it sounds as though you're managing to do quite a lot already. Managing to care for yourself and your dog and cook for yourself - that's quite a lot when you have OCD! Having OCD is exhausting and it's not surprising if you're having trouble with multitasking.

I've been there and done that. I've been so bad with OCD that I've done little more than lie on the sofa in a semi-catatonic state, unable to concentrate on very much. I had (and still have, to some extent) agoraphobia alongside the OCD, which meant it was very difficult for me to go out of the house. Shopping became a real problem - fortunately my mother was there to do it for me, but I really missed going shopping for myself and being able to choose.

Just getting out of the house and walking down the road, or to a local shop, helped a lot. It got easier to go out, and to go into the town centre shops.

Try to set yourself goals - I did - and to tempt yourself with how enjoyable it will be. It can be a bus to Starbucks, or to a shop, or anywhere else that it would be a pleasure for you to go to.

There's no immediate need for you to move out of your family home, though I understand that at your age you want to spread your wings and be independent. That too is something to tempt you and aim for. Try to build up your strength and resilience - and although you are likely to have setbacks, you can bounce back from them.

I live on my own and manage pretty well. And considering that at one point I could hardly move from the sofa, let alone go out of the house, that isn't so bad!

There's no good reason why you shouldn't be able to live independently, get a partner, have children, or get a job. Little steps first. Perhaps consider volunteering for a charity or a good cause when you feel up to it, to get your skills up.

I got my university degree while in the grip of really bad OCD. Just getting to lectures was an ordeal that left me feeling like a tattered rag. But I still did it, and got my degree! So do give college a go, Don't assume that you can't do it. It may not be always easy, but having something to study and give your brain some exercise can be wonderful for taking your mind off your OCD.