What if I get a horrible intrusive thought and then my mind makes a joke about it and I laugh uncontrollably? A thought about family suffering.
Why is this and why couldn’t I stop myself?
Am I just sick. I can’t go on like this it’s with me every day!
That's all right. It really is. Laughter can be set off by mirth and fun, but it can also be set off by discomfort. And if you feel uncomfortable about an intrusive thought, then laughter can be a natural response.
It doesn't make you a bad person. The more you feel uncomfortable about laughing, and the more you try not to laugh, the more you will feel inclined to laugh.
Don't stress about it. It's bad enough having OCD without adding to it! And it's all right to laugh at yourself and make jokes about your OCD as well. I certainly do!
But I can’t accept laughing at this, I really can’t. It’s sick and I want to know why I laughed.
I can’t go on with my life or reach my full potential unless there’s a valid reason.
It's a natural response to discomfort. It doesn't mean you rejoice in harm coming to people you love. And the more you allow yourself to be upset at laughing like this, the more you will laugh.
Discomfort is a perfectly valid reason for laughter. The less you stress about it, the less you will be inclined to laugh. And the more you get on with your life, and do the things you want to do and enjoy, the more the laughter will recede and go away, and let you find some genuinely amusing things to laugh about.
But it wasn’t discomfort, I was laughing at the pun I made like I would a normal joke.
Just a question: Do you think laughing makes you a "bad" person or that you really want something to happen to your family? You might ask yourself that if something did happen to them, how you would feel.
Having an intrusive thought is just that-a thought that pops into your head. How you react to it doesn't mean you want that thing to happen. I totally agree with Sallyskins when she said, "It doesn't mean you rejoice in harm coming to people you love." If you did, you wouldn't question why you laugh.
I know this bothers you a lot, which means you are most-likely a caring person and don't want the thoughts you are having or the reaction of laughing. But, imo, it is laughing and nothing more.
I'm really sorry you are going through this.
But if it did happen, my mind would tell me not to make a joke about it and then I would and may laugh (uncontrollably), or would the anger and upset override that emotion?
[I am so sorry if I'm not making sense. It's hard sometimes for me to get my thoughts together to say what I want to say.]
I think, then, that laughing is just a symptom of the OCD. I don't think it really means much, because as you said, it would happen regardless of whether something did or didn't happen to people. Imo, it is just your brain's way of reacting to an unpleasant thought. If this is true, it is not your fault at all. It is not your fault anyway. Laughing might be a reaction to the stress caused by the intrusive thought whether you agree with that thought or not.
I don't think it's about overriding an emotion because it is something you can't help doing. Whatever emotion you might really have if something did happen to someone, I don't think laughing would discount that.
Just a thought, but I am wondering if the laughing and the idea of the intrusive thought happening are actually unrelated? Maybe it's the way your mind is trying to cope with the stress of the thought but not actually whether you think it's funny or not?
I can really empathise with your concern about making a dark pun about such a distressing thing for you. I know it is not much comfort, but having a dark sense of humour about these things is very common and can be a way to cope with an idea that seems too overwhelming to deal with. It in no way reflects on how you would actually behave if it did come to pass but is a way for your mind to manage it as best it can.
Unfortunately like anything to do with ocd, the more you fight it the more it ingrains itself.
My husband has quite a dark sense of humour and so much of it has helped me get through. It's a very direct way of looking at the truth of something and articulating the discomfort of it. I think it is quite a unique skill.
I am really sorry it distresses you so much. Just try and be aware of how many "shoulds" you get caught in. I should be doing this differently, I should be better than this, I should not behave like this... the fact is this is a part of your life right now and it's easy to get stuck in criticising ourselves over it rather than taking it for what it is, understanding why it's a part of our life, and then just doing the best we can.
I had this happen to me to a horrible degree several years ago. I got my diagnosis with OCD nearly 14 years ago when I was a teenager. But around 2020, lockdown was really affecting me. Like you, I started having intrusive thoughts, for me including imagery of me harming my loved ones - and this involved things I would never, ever do, or even consider. It made my stomach physically hurt, the thought of it, and it all still played on repeat for days so I was stuck in this thought process, plus the stomach pain/nausea and intense shame and guilt, and self disgust. Eventually it stopped, after a couple days of the episode. I've had it come on again before, but every time the thought enters, I replace it with a firm response. "NO. That is NOT me. That is a ridiculous thought. Stop. " Anything in phrasing that is a strict denial, speaking almost like my brain is a misbehaving child. And then I force myself to think of something happy. I do that however many times it takes until my train of thought goes somewhere else. I won't lie, I have some hand gestures I also associate with warding off intrusive thoughts but that is just feeding the disorder. You must remember you are not your thoughts. A person has thousands of thoughts a day, many of them just meaningless, fleeting nonsense. Our brains like to settle on the worst ones, almost like plucking out our darkest fears and turning them into a slideshow. It is just a thought, it doesn't define you as a person. Then it makes you feel like you should laugh, just because it upsets you. It twists us up in odd ways like that. A lot of people also laugh in uncomfortable situations. Laughter isn't always happy or comedic. It is a natural body response to feeling an emotion and like tears, it doesn't always represent one specific emotion. You can cry from being happy, sad, lonely, nostalgic, proud. You can laugh from many things too. Don't beat yourself up about your response, intrusive thoughts are really hard to deal with sometimes. They don't make sense. So it's okay if your response to them doesn't make sense. Just remember it's just a thought!
Did you make jokes about them?
Sometimes, on good days, when the sun is shining, I can put it to the back of my mind and it doesn’t affect me that much.
On others, when it’s dark and I feel depressed, my anxiety spirals and everything gets on top of me.
They say your cortisol levels are always higher in the morning (or maybe when you first wake up) and this is when I feel the most anxious, worrying about what the day will bring and what lies ahead, my workload, etc. It tends to tail off in the afternoon and I’m less sensitive to stimuli.
If you laugh at a joke you normally would from a comedian, but your brain replaces the people for people you care about, is it impossible to stop yourself from laughing? If it was real would you still laugh if you were angry?
I think that it could probably be like the expression "laughter is the best medicine". It can also be a coping mechanism people use in uncomfortable situations. I have friends and family that often due the same thing. I don't think there being rude or insensitive. I think we constantly have to give our self grace because we are human. I think that it's good to laugh. Living with OCD we can all use so much more laughter in our lives.
Anybody else with aggressive intrusive thoughts?
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Intrusive Thoughts
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