Intrusive thoughts? : Hi guys! I am... - My OCD Community

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Intrusive thoughts?

LyndsyLoo
LyndsyLoo

Hi guys! I am currently experiencing what my therapist believes to be harm ocd. I was triggered by a story about someone ending their life and I completely spun out of control. I have NEVER had an issue with this topic before and I love life so I don’t know why I had a major panic attack about it to begin with! I am so scared that somehow it could happen to me or that I would want it to happen to me. My therapist said that it’s OCD and that I am safe but I don’t feel like I can relax about it. I am even feeling nervous around knives and things that could “harm” me. I have this intense fear that somehow my ocd will make me actually want to think about harming myself or that it’s causing other themes as well. My therapist tells me “you don’t have to worry! You aren’t depressed!” But my brain doesn’t seem to compute that fact. Now, I’m starting to get these “what is the point of anything?”, or really depressive outlooks on life and it’s bothering me because I’m not even depressed! I’m actually quite scared of being depressed because I associate depression with death because of that video. Is it possible for OCD to create a false belief or make you feel like why you are absolutely terrified of becoming? I feel like I have to look over my shoulder all hours of the day, just waiting for the ocd to “get me” and somehow make me want to hurt myself. Also- the compulsion thing scares me too! Will I develop an urge or compulsion to act on these terrifying intrusive thoughts? I am new to the ocd world and I am not sure how to navigate it. I can’t be the only one who struggles with this!...

20 Replies

No your not the only one, it’s very common.

You won’t act on it, ocd makes you think you will. Keep on working with therapist. You will get through this friend

LyndsyLoo
LyndsyLoo in reply to Barbie12

Thank you. I appreciate the response. I wonder if ocd can make a person believe they are depressed? It’s one of my biggest fears and I keep getting these random whooshes of feelings that are so depressed feeling and it sends me through the roof with anxiety. Ugh.

Barbie12
Barbie12 in reply to LyndsyLoo

Well In my experience OCD can make you depressed with its constant niggling, it is a cruel illness

LyndsyLoo
LyndsyLoo in reply to Barbie12

This terrifies me. My therapists say that I don’t have depression and they swear by it. They know that I have a fear of becoming it so they say that the anxiety is making me believe that I am feeling it but I have zero symptoms of actually being it. Now I’m overthinking it..

Barbie12
Barbie12 in reply to LyndsyLoo

I think if you don’t feel depressed then you probably aren’t

You are not the only one. OCD can make you think and you just over think the what if which makes you more anxious. That is OCD. Try to focus on life things you enjoy. Go do them. This will show your mind it can’t win. Depression is something I fight. It is not major depression. I really call in moods. I am down and sad but it does not stay that way. Keep fighting it. Don’t let ocd win.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this, but you are definitely not alone. I was recently diagnosed with OCD and this is one of my themes. It definitely was terrifying at first because I didn't yet know I had OCD and the thoughts just felt so counter to how I feel. Still, the crazy thing about OCD is that it makes it feel so real! Definitely just continue to work with your therapist and trust in the process. I'm still dealing with it and I know whenever I'm feeling sad (and thus getting anxious about getting depressed) this theme is going to get a lot louder, but it is getting better.

LyndsyLoo
LyndsyLoo in reply to Eli_E

Oh man, what a relief to know you have it too. I’m sorry you are dealing with this beast too. It’s not a walk in the park. I sent you a message. Can we chat privately?

Can you tell me symptoms you have of ocd please want to know if I have that too

LyndsyLoo
LyndsyLoo in reply to Xoxo33

I just have constant rumination about harm ocd. Anything to do with somehow harming myself even though it’s the opposite of what I want. I’m even scared of becoming depressed because I fear it will lead me to that.

What do you deal with?

Xoxo33
Xoxo33 in reply to LyndsyLoo

Always thinking there is something wrong to me or something will end up happening to me like Iam one day just going to go crazy or. End up in a mental hospital always paying attention on how I feel or feeling to look for a. Sign if I feel dizzy or have a headache I think maybye something is wrong with me also I I always feel not like myself like question everything like is this real are we real I feel anxious everyday if I drive I get anxious too thinking what if I start to feel bad out of no where and don’t want people to see that everyday is a struggle to go to work or do the simplest things I just want to be home because Iam scared to go out anywhere and getting sick and people seeing or getting an anxiety attack they have told me I have anxiety and depression but sometimes I think there’s something else because my mind is always racing thinking the worst

LyndsyLoo
LyndsyLoo in reply to Xoxo33

Thinking the worst could be an anxiety thing or an ocd thing. Sounds like your anxiety is acting up and causing you a great deal of stress. I know mine is right now. :(

I'm not a therapist, but this sounds like classic suicide themed harm OCD. I've been through it; you're exhibiting a lot of the same symptoms and thought patterns as I was, so let me reassure you (which is a bad thing, but just this once!) that it's treatable. It responds to ERP the same way as any OCD theme. If your therapist understands OCD, they'll be able to guide you along the path to recovery.

LyndsyLoo
LyndsyLoo in reply to NWOntario

It’s so scary! How did you get through it? It’s so wild that other people have been through it.. what symptoms and thought patters did you have? (If you don’t mind me asking). I feel like I have so many different symptoms/thoughts and I am having a really hard time telling if it’s “just” ocd or if it’s something real inside me. Thinking it could be a real want stresses me to the max. How do people tell?? I have never been suicidal in my life and never even thought of harm ocd until I was triggered by the video that I watched but now I’m still questioning the validity of the thoughts or not. My therapist says the fact that I’m questioning the thought proves it’s ocd, but I have a hard time trusting that everything is going to be ok! My life means a ton to me and I can’t have it entrusted in someone else’s hands! Haha! Thank you for the reassurance, even though it’s a no-no. It helps a ton, especially for someone who has NEVER dealt with something like this before. How do we manage such a theme?!? It’s like the Mac-daddy of all themes. I wish my theme was something like “I am afraid of cupcakes!” Or similar. 🙄 NOT The current theme.

Honestly, as much as it seems like the Mac Daddy of themes, suicidal obsessions respond to ERP in exactly the same way as literally every other kind of obsession. Remember, there are countless OCD themes...and one treatment. Work with your therapist! You want to make sure they're using ERP to treat your OCD: it's the evidence-based treatment, and while other, complementary therapies can help, they shouldn't be the focal point for your treatment. It takes time and a lot of guts to tackle this theme head-on. I knew I'd done a pretty good job in my recovery when (major tw) I was at home by myself wearing a noose I'd made earlier that day as per my therapist's instructions, listening to an audio recording of me talking about losing control and spontaneously killing myself (end tw). It sucks, but I'm with you every step of the way.

LyndsyLoo
LyndsyLoo in reply to NWOntario

Wow.. you go! What an accomplishment! I have been working with regular therapist but once this ocd hit- I instantly set her aside and located one who is skilled in this area specifically. She has me on the ERP therapy as well. I have been listening to recordings of myself talking about the possibility of losing control and hurting myself. It was so hard to do at first! I listen to it for 2 hours a day. It’s been a week so far. Still scary but.. less I guess?

Can we chat privately?

Hi i am new to this ocd community stuff and reading your post reminded me of what i go through scared of something happening to me ( exactly everything you mentioned ) the only thing that helps is trusting in the professionals and to know that ocd will NOT cause those things to happen. Also i struggle with medical OCD constantly worrying somethings going to happen to me So knowing how much it scares us of something bad happening gives us clarity thats not what we want and thats not what will happen! Its just the ocd! Hope this helps! I would love to follow you on this website idk how haha i literally just joined

Thanks for the reply! I appreciate the kind words. It’s so scary! We’re you triggered by something too?

Guilt as well will trigger it for me of stuff from my teenage years

Yes right now its moved on to medical ocd as a whole always worried something bad is going to happen any little weird feeling i would go to the dr medical bills pile up! But like you w the knives i never had anything but a butter knife then one day someone got me some and i did not open them for a long time because i had that fear that the ocd would make me hurt myself or someone. it is truely scary ive gone through so many different senerios. Like ill be completely fine no intrusive thoughts then you hear of someone taken their life then an intrusive thought comes and now i take that fear of anxiety as tool to know that thought scares me because thats not what i want i try to turn that freight into a positive vibe of protection as a reminder im ok it scares me because i would never do that. Ocd will always attack what you care about the most you care about your life so of course hear comes this ocd to try to ruin your day! Its very painful im glad ive found this website to relate to people this just means we are such good people because we care so much

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