I've had it for a while and I don't know what it is but I'm sick of it terrifying me I am 16 and have been like this for a while, it feels awful. Idk how to describe it, but for those of you who can visualize stuff sit where you are and imagine you can see an apple next to you- like it's really there, you can feel it and you can feel the urge to eat it, so much that in all manners it feels real to you, you just can't see it. I have this but with unimaginable horrify beings, faces, the most tame are things like that momo thing, but it's worse cause it genuinely makes me terrified. I can rarely be home alone, I can't be in the dark and have slept with leds on for a couple years now. For context, the reason I think this isn't just paranoia related to ocd is cause I had a mental thing during 2020 where I genuinley believed I had telekensis and (embarassing) the government were out to kill and capture me because of it. It wasnt some childish games I beleived this for roughly 7-9 months, and I would trust no-one and would write plans of running away to 'protect my family', and things like that (although no-one esp my therapist ever took me seriously when I brought it up to him later). Also a part of this, is I have these sounds sometimes in my head, I can't physically hear it it's like the apple but it's like the voices of the beings that I can feel and I can feel it, it's a bit like when you thought your parent called your name only to find out they hadn't and you were just half asleep, it's not regular only when I get really scared of feeling the beings but sometimes If I try to ignore them they scream in my brain? Oh also with 'feeling' and 'seeing' the beings', It can also be a bit like I'm 'seeing' them, but its like merging with the visualizing them in my brain?
Like I can feel them dipping on my bed or I can 'see' them moving down the halfway towards me idk how to describe it, a small tw but one time my friend sent me that momo image when I was home alone during the day and it scared me so much because I can feel it behind every door and hear it in my brain, that I had the compulsion sort to harm myself to calm myself down because it would mean that 'the being wouldn't feel the need to harm me', and then I had to sit outside for like 4 hours until the early evening when my parents got back because I was so scared.
Wow I'm sorry that was long to whoever reads that if they want to, I hope that doesn't come off as a vent I just genuinely want to know what's going on esp in the second half
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The best and most loving thing that you can do to yourself in such situation is to see a psychiatrist. It seems likely that you are experiencing auditory (sound) and visual hallucinations, and there might be plenty of reasons causing this. OCD is unlikely to be one of them. So it is really a must for you to see a medical professional who can assess you and provide you further guidance.
Does your family know about your struggle? It is great to have some support from people around you, but even if it's not there, you're 16 so you must find a way to see a medical professional who could help you with this. Please don't wait and find help.
Thank you for your reply. I have brought up my previous bout of 'losing my marbles' during lockdown to my therapist and family however I was brushed off and I dont want to bring it up as it only inflares when I think about it, so I feel like I am making it up for attention. Sorry if this comes off as harsh lol I am not trying to be. If I can't ACTUALLY hear anything or see anything like I described in the post, just imagining it like if you imaged you had that apple next to you, would it still count as a hallucination?
Thank you, I already wrote a reply to this comment but it isn't showing like the others so I am not sure if it will repeat twice- my apologies if it does. I have told my therapist and family about the delusion I had during lockdown, however they brushed it off and my therapist reduced it down to a metaphor, as if it wasnt actually a delusion but something else. I apologise if this comes off harsh, I do not mean to be lol. does it still count as a hallucination if I cannot PHYSICALLY hear or see it, it is just like if you imagined an apple next to you as if you could just turn around and it is there? thank you for your reply, it means alot
As you're seeing a therapist already, he/she should give you a proper evaluation. If something bothers you, it is essential to talk through with the therapist again, as it is one place where you definitely need to be completely open to get help. What kind of therapy are you having now, and have you been diagnosed with some specific disorder?
I am no longer with cahms, however I am in the process of being dianosed with arutism which i have like a 99% chance of having it, and have been diagnosed with ocd when I was younger. I was having talking therapy previously but not because of mmy ocd originally, but i was chroncally nauseous cause of a couple things which led ti me getting emetophobia (which is gone now). I did bring it up a few times but because he kept twisting the 2020-2021 delusions, i decided not to go further and bring more stuff up especially because he had accidentally let slip a couple different things to my mother that I thought was said in complete confidentiality x
lol ofc!!! She loves to sleep in my bedroom, she used to and still does wait outside my room after I come home from college/ school to get let in, every morning she comes in so I open my window so she can go out if she needs to cause I shut my door n everytime I open my bedroom door she comes running up the stairs to get let in, shes the cutest!!! What is your cat called?
My cat's name is Li'l Bit but I call him Little. It's easier to say, lol. In my mind, he does no wrong. Really, he is very well- behaved and spoiled! He is most important in my life. What is your cat's name and how old is she?
aw!!! I hae three cats- one we had as twin, tivvy and tom however it's just tom now, whos about 5-6? Then we got lola! Shes a bit of a biter but very affectionate, shes around 4. Our latest additions are the cat I was just talking about, Tess although her full name is Tesco (I wanted to name her something unsual but my parents didn't, so I compromised with letting them shorten it down to Tess in like vet offices). She was an almost identical twin with felix, however he passed away a while back. She is very adorable! Do you have any other pets my chance? (I can definitely understand your pet being the most important thing in your life, I would die for mine in a heartbeat)
Oh, I would die for mine, too. I don't have any other pets. Li'l just turned 15 on March 2nd. They say that's about average for a cat's life, but he is healthy except for some pain. I don't know what I will do when he is not here with me. Lil is a short-haired domestic cat and was the runt of the litter. He is black and grey striped-very handsome! Haha. I hope you can have a long time with all of your cats! I couldn't have another one. Thank you for sharing about your fur babies with me!
No problem, I love talking about my babies with other people!!! To be honest, it has been very comforting talking with you as it has put me at ease with this, even though it is getting worse I know there is help out there and the fact we can talk about our kitties has helped me accept that it will not be the be all end 🫶
I agree. Talking about lighter things takes our minds off of the harder ones. Sometimes we need a break from our problems. I enjoy our conversations, too, and I hope you start to feel better. Is there anything you want to talk about with what's going on? And please don't feel like you have to respond.
I enjoy our conversations too! To be honest with you, I am not even really sure where to start when talking about this sort of stuff (also I am a completely open book lol, no question is too invasive). Is there anything you would recommend starting with when opening up to someone about it? It might help to hear about your own experiences with your diagnosis, only if that is alright! I might go to sleep soon though, so if I do not reply for a while then I have gone to bed (sorry lol, gotta get that beauty sleep)
Hi 111cas111. The symptoms you're describing don't sound like OCD to me either.
Just a little info about myself, and I'm not saying this is what you have- I have schizoaffective disorder, which includes a combination of thought problems, delusions, hallucinations, etc., (the "schizo" part), and mood disorder (depression or feeling really good or other mood disorder, which is the "affective" part.) Your experiences of "seeing" and "feeling" things that aren't really there, as well as some of your other symptoms, are things that are related to that diagnosis and you should really tell your therapist. Of course, I don't know for sure what is causing your symptoms, but it seems more of a problem than OCD. I agree with what TomFed said, to not wait to find out what may be going on. You are young and if there is something more serious happening, you want to get help as soon as you can to avoid more possible (serious) problems in the future. Medication and therapy can help.
Thank you, I have looked into scizoaffective disorder but have not really considered it because I do not think I am 'valid' in a way, however I can relate to the mood swings from really high to low and with delusions n stuff. I am glad you replied to this post, thank you for doing so I hope you are doing well with your disorder
Here's an off-the-wall thought. Are you an avid reader?
That describes me. You learn to do something most adults forget -- suspend disbelief. Children do it easily. No one thinks it's odd that a child is certain a boogeyman lives in their closet. The downside is just what you describe: scaring the heck out of yourself believing the tales. What matters is if... no, correct that, since it's upsetting you, find someone to talk to and get some support.
Hi, my son who is 21 got very weird symptoms because of mold in our home. Brain inflammation. And a lot of anxiety, panic etc. Believe me, mold can cause those things. Maybe it's behind walls in your home. If i weten you, it's the first thing on my lust to find out! Before talking to others.
On Facebook you can find a Mold Toxicity group. 54000 members. Maybe uou recognize something. Ocd is horrible!!!
Oh dang thank you! I have always had symptoms of ocd, but I do have some mold in my bedroom that we've had for a while that we're in the process of clearing up, I will take your advice and see if this is the cause for the worsening!
I am glad you read my answer. I am from the Netherlands. Please look into the Mold group on Facebook. Clearing up is important. But you have to know EXACTLY how! Thats very important. Otherwise you can make things worse. I have learned much in that group. I will copy the link and you can also ask questions. My son was always a healthy boy. Now at home for four years. He has Aspergillus mold in his room. And Acremonium.
Thank you! I will join some groups and look up those two types of mold in my room, hopefully this is caused by that and not something deeper so the 'clean up process' will be easier to deal with
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