Sorry for annoying all of you but I need help, please!
I am an 21 years old (m) and have been feeling pretty awful these last days. I have always been an caring and loving person to everybody. I had a very bad headache in Dec.30 . I didn't pay attention to that. But at Jan.1, I went out with some cousins, I ended up arguing with them very seriously because they were making jokes about me, and we left without speaking to each-other. In the morning I had severe headache. I was just thinking about what they did to me and was very sad, and was thinking about beating them when we meet. Since that day, I started having intrusive thoughts about harming my family members and got very sad. Looking on Reddit, I thought I had HARM OCD (pure), but I don't know how but I got somehow desinitised to these thoughts. Now they don't affect me very anxiety. Yesterday I was thinking why I stopped being stressed, and I thought: " WHAT IF THESE THOUGHTS WERE NOT CAUSED IMMEDIATLY? WHAT IF I AM REALLY AN HARMFUL PERSON BECAUSE I WANTED TO HARM MY COUSINS? WHAT IF I WAS NEVER AN GOOD PERSON? ".
These thoughts are making me feel like an psychopath. I just want to know if this is any kind of HARM OCD or just psychopathy? 🙏🏻🥲🥲
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hopetobebetter
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Hello. I'm really sorry you're having a hard time right now. I really am.
I'm not a doctor, but what you're describing sounds like HARM OCD. A very common thought with it is that you'll become desensitized to it or carry them out (I know I have suffered from it). What really helped me was realizing that a bad person wouldn't care at all about these thoughts. It's important not to diagnose yourself, but if you do have OCD you need to realize that it is a bully and a liar. It tells us the exact opposite about ourselves and makes us doubt. Based on that I can deduce that you are probably a very loving and caring person and are concerned about the interaction with your cousin. An uncaring person wouldn't be worrying about this for days and then sign up to a website looking for help
Do you have a doctor you can talk to? Things for me started to change when I was just honest with my doctor. It was scary to do that but I'm glad I did. He prescribed some medicine and I asked him to refer me to a therapist. It wasn't easy and took some experimentation with different medicines, but I'm in a much better place than I was all those years ago.
Also, I don't know if this will help but I put together a post about what I've learned over the years with OCD. Maybe reading it will give you some insight.
Again, I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it can be. The good news is that you are not alone and that there are literally millions of people who can help. You just need to ask. God bless you my friend.
Harm OCD is what you're experiencing and of course you're not harmful they are just intrusive thoughts. Ever tried cognitive behavior therapy or Exposure and Response Prevention ? They will be helpful to you I'm sure it feels that it won't that's OCD speaking into your mind but give it a try. It can get better until then do relaxation techniques and exercise remember they are intrusive thoughts it's not who you are I have these thoughts sometimes that make me feel stuck. But I take 10 minutes to occupy myself with something else every time they come to me and they back off afterwards. I keep doing it until they are gone. I hope my advice could be helpful to you.
so sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds similar to how my first ocd explosion started so I know how how terrifying and disorienting and all-consuming this can feel. As others have mentioned, the fact that you are so worried is good indicator that these are intrusive thoughts, but if you are able, definitely talk with a family member or doctor, or anyone you trust enough to say hey I'm really struggling with something and I need support. That's how I eventually found my way to a therapist who specializes in anxiety and ocd.
Again, so sorry you are going through this, but you aren't alone. Wishing you all the best.
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