my son

[ISTY]

I want to help my son who is 15 and has ocd since little. He says it doesn’t hurt him, that he’s ok doing his mental compulsions all day, but he is gradually isolating himself more and more. He doesn’t want to go out ever, he sits in the library for lunch at school by himself and he struggles keeping up with his schoolwork. He has no drive for trying new things at all. And he often seems quite down. How can I help him.

[AZladyforever]

Hi ISTY,

I can relate. My son is going through the same thing. He has been through therapy and understands what he needs to do to relieve symptoms of OCD but he gets so embedded in the thoughts and does not want to to do the work to get better.

Has your son learned about his OCD and what he needs to do to get better? Thats the first step in my opinion. Find a good OCD therapist (some say they know and they dont so do your research).

My son is 17 now but we have been going through this for years. I know you can get your son back but he needs to do the work. Keep us updated and feel free to reach out.

Azladyforever

[ISTY in reply to AZladyforever]

Thank you. Yes he learned about it, but years ago. I think it’s time for a refresher and to do the work. I’ll have to convince him - is there a particular book your son uses/d that you would suggest. Confronting the Bully of OCD was one suggested. I’ll be in touch!! Thanks for the kind support ❤️

[AZladyforever in reply to ISTY]

My son refuses to do any reading. The thing that helped him was to see a really good therapist who educated him on the functioning of his brain and that OCD is a small piece of his brain malfunctioning and not a flaw in him.

Once he tried to expose himself to not giving into the compulsion (if just for 5 mins at at time), he saw he had control over them. Its a constant struggle but now he is educated on what it takes to get better.

[Sallyskins]

Quite honestly, it's not OK to do mental compulsions all day! He needs to get out there with his friends and have some fun!

Make an appointment with his doctor, do your best to insist he keeps his appointment, and try to get some CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) for him. Antidepressants (the first line of attack on OCD) are not usually prescribed for under-18s but can be in the case of OCD.

But CBT is what is really needed. There are lots of self help books for people with OCD and quite a few are aimed at children and teenagers. Get him one of these - a quick google with come up with some titles. Just make sure any you buy use CBT techniques.

Having OCD does narrow down your horizons and make you stick with the familiar. As a teenager he needs to be expanding his horizons and trying out new things! He may feel sort of comfortable with his mental compulsions, but he'd feel so much better without them!

[ISTY in reply to Sallyskins]

thank you for your reply! We have a great therapist with whom he has worked before. I need to find the best way to convince him to do the work so he can have more freedom.

[deValentin]

Your situation is somewhat similar to that of the mother of a drug-addict or anorexia sufferer. If you want them to recover more than they want themselves, the battle is lost from the start. By forcing one's point of view on them, one drives their habit underground so to speak, and they learn “the art of deception”.

A significant advantage you can have in this battle against OCD is to gain their trust and persuade them that you aren’t there to take away their freedom of choice, but to help them be happier. If you believe that they know that an addiction (OCD is similar to a behavioral addiction in the difficulty to regain some freedom) won’t make them happy in the long run, but they can’t help giving in to compulsions because they don’t see any other way to find some comfort, you’re better prepared to handle this crisis. It seems that a vicious cycle is at play in mental compulsions. The more one isolates oneself, the more one may depend on mental compulsions as a source of reassurance, the less one is able to focus on school work and participate in social activities, and so on. One way to reverse that cycle is to try to gradually impart a sense of hope to them. When they see progress in getting a more enjoyable life, their hope slowly returns.

In my opinion, an important step in OCD recovery is to help sufferers differentiate between a smaller, sooner reward (short-lived relief doing mental compulsions) and a larger, later reward (regaining concentration/decision-making abilities and a sense of control over one’s life, and finding social life pleasurable ).

In that regard, Walter Mischel did a study in 1972 where children had a choice between one marshmallow now or two after a set time. “The researchers followed each child for more than 40 years and over and over again, the group who waited patiently for the second marshmallow succeed in whatever capacity they were measuring. In other words, this series of experiments proved that the ability to delay gratification was critical for success in life.”

I wish you the best in your efforts to help your son regain some freedom of choice.

[ISTY in reply to deValentin]

Thank you for this genuine and insightful reply. I will consider your suggestions as I am aware of the addiction and also the “deception” so to speak. Again, much gratitude for taking the time.

[FirstResponder23]

hello,

I am sorry to hear about this. I have no idea how this can feel from a parent perspective. I know my mother and father care deeply about me and how my ocd affects me, and I can hear that in your message. I too at a young age was experiencing ocd. But mine was never really noticed by others. I continued living my life until a specific ocd moment got a hold of me and really consumed me at the age of 18. I was in deep distress and I did not know what to do. I also was fighting the stigma of mental illness internally and strongly denied it. I didn’t want to take any medicine and didn’t want to go to therapy because it stressed me out to be labeled and to know I had to deal with that. I wanted nothing more than to be “normal.”

I am so thankful to my parents for getting me in to see a therapist. Once there, and after a few sessions I became comfortable with therapy, and the idea of going. I also got used to the idea of medication, especially when it started to finally kick in and I could notice the difference in my overall feelings and thoughts. I hope you are able to talk with your son and work something out to eventually make strides in at least learning more about ocd and life with ocd.