Son needs help making move

[pelicans266]

Just joined this group, not sure it's the right one for my issue. I have an adult son (37) with severe OCD. He lives with me and is dependent on me for many things. He's reluctant to get help. We need to move from our current home to a new one. He's having a lot of difficulty moving. It's going extremely slow. It's now become a major issue for me financially - have to get him moved in order to sell the current home! Looking for guidance on how to get him through the move. Thanks for any feedback!!! So sorry if this is not the right forum!

[Magic214]

There is no simple way to treat someone with severe OCD (I am a severe case as well). Does he have particular reasons why he can’t move or is he stuck in thoughts causing him to be stuck in moments?

Does he have rituals that you know of that brings him some relief? If he does, you can try to think of ways he can perform these rituals at the new house.

Instead of trying to reassure him the move is for the best, try explaining to him the new home isn’t contaminated. It will be a new start full of new possibilities. Explain to him the old house is contaminated. You may have to go as far as showing him some spots that may need maintenance, or how the wiring in the old home is faulty. Exposure is everything. Take him on a trip to the new house. Let him get a sense of comfort there. Keep us posted and good luck! I hope this helps.

[pelicans266 in reply to Magic214]

Thank you so much, Magic214, for the response! I can’t get him to open up and explain his thoughts and reasons for why it takes him so very long to do things. Just one example of what I can observe - it took him over an hour to move a box part way up the stairs at the new house. Most of his time was spent adjusting his gloves, changing his gloves, or doing nothing. Everyday he goes through many, many pairs of disposable gloves. He’s been to the new house multiple times, but each time he brings over or accomplishes very little. Just a small bit of cleaning each time. The old house is actually fairly new - just 3 years old and in nice condition. Problem is it’s a small 1 bedroom condo. He’s been living with me 1 year and we both need more space. Very difficult living conditions even for two guys without OCD. So, I bought the larger 3 bedroom townhome to give us both more space. It’s also 3 years old and in nice condition. We’ve both been looking forward to the move, so it surprised me that he’s having so much difficulty. It’s been 1.5 months and he hasn’t gotten very far. Thank you again.

[3BirdLover in reply to pelicans266]

Hello. You are in the right place....there is plenty of support here for both you and your son.

Is he in therapy? Does he take meds for his OCD? If not, that is step #1. Please find an OCD specialist close to home to help. It will make a world of difference. He HAS to get help!

OCD is a disorder that can be extremely embarrassing for a person to admit. For me it was because the irrational thought patterns seemed so ridiculous to me. I know better in my rational head, but the brain his this "thing" going on that is not rational. We get into loops in the brain with no way out.

In OCD treatment we find out that reassurance doesn't work....it can make things worse. It does give a temporary release of anxiety, but it doesn't last long, and will start building up again, which is so frustrating.

I'm 68 and have had OCD since I was 6. I have had many different types of OCD during my life but have learned so much. There are so many tips/tricks to learning to deal with these obsessions/compulsions.

The Int'l OCD Foundation (iocdf.org) puts on live webinars or townhalls each week. These are live ones that can be found in Facebook and also YouTube. People can share their questions and experiences and get live feedback. I have found these absolutely fantastic. So much support, tips, feedback and more.

iocdf.org can also help you find an OCD specialist in your area. Please do not settle for any therapist. He needs to find one that has been trained in OCD. I spent years in therapy, but until I found an OCD therapist it really was not helpful.

It does sound like he is trying, which is a "light" to me. Sounds like he is willing, but just really needs help. there is help out there!!!!!! Please do not delay. Insist on him getting help.

[pelicans266 in reply to 3BirdLover]

Thank you so much for your input, 3BirdLover! He has never been on meds. He’s been reluctant to do that but has recently opened up to the idea and is currently looking for someone that can provide that. Yea! He’s also currently looking for a new therapist, and says he will find someone with real OCD expertise. He’s 37 and reluctant to take suggestions, but I trust that he will follow through. He did see a therapist for about 3 months last year but it yielded virtually no progress. It was 1-2 times per week, over the phone. I don't believe there was enough ERP. He needs a more intensive and effective therapist. My most immediate concern is getting him moved. I’m in a financial bind because I have to sell the condo (the place we are moving from) and get my money out of. I can't put it on the market until he moves out. I’ve been prepping him on the idea that we have to complete this move soon, and if he can’t complete the move himself, I will have to step in and move his things for him. I said we can start slow, just moving one box the first day, I will wear gloves, and place the box wherever he wants it in the new townhome. Assuming it goes OK, I’ll move another box or two the next day, and so forth. The rational part of his brain understands the need for this plan, and he seems OK with it, however I have no idea how he will respond once I actually start to move his stuff. He really doesn't like other people touching his stuff. I don’t want to end up causing him too much stress and causing more damage to him. I really need some guidance on whether this is a good, safe alternative plan, assuming he's unable to complete the move himself. But what else can I do? Thank you again for your input!

[pelicans266 in reply to pelicans266]

I wanted to update you all on the issue I’m having getting my adult son moved to the new house. Because of his severe OCD, he continues to drag out his move. I must get him moved for financial reasons (need to sell the place he’s moving from) as well as my own emotional well being. He’s had a full 2 months to make the move and he’s made little progress, despite my encouragement, pushing, and offer to do the move for him. I simply can’t wait any longer, so I told him over the weekend that he now has a hard deadline of 5/1 in order to make the move. Or, he can sit back and let me move his stuff for him. Those are his choices. The 5/1 deadline is hard and there will be no extensions. He has a full 2 weeks more to get moved, which I feel gives him plenty of time. He accepted the plan and said it was reasonable. However, I’m worried that he won’t be so agreeable as the deadline gets closer. Does anybody have any experience with this kind of situation? Was setting a very hard deadline with no extensions the right thing to do? Thanks for any guidance you might have!