My husband suffers with severe OCD and during this lockdown and with the death of his father it is getting out of hand. He spends most of his time washing his hands/phone. This is not an exaggeration, I can’t seem to connect or reason with him anymore about it. It’s like he is in a trance all the time and I’m worried for his state of mind and suicidal thoughts. He is also a big drinker and this has been getting steadily worse for the last few years.
I am obviously concerned for him and it breaks my heart to see him suffer so much. But I also have two very young children to think of so I think it’s time for drastic measures, for his sake as much as ours.
Does anyone know if there is any kind of nhs funded crisis care for severe cases? He is in medication which hasn’t seemed to help at all but has rejected several attempts at therapy. If I’m to convince him to get help then I will need to have some information on options.
Thank you
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Vienna87
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First of all, it's very nice and warm from you that you want to support your husband, bravo!
Second, OCD is really, reeeeally hard to understand for someone who doesn't have it by just observing it. I had numerous problems with my girlfriend. What I would recommend you is, if he has a therapist, to book one session with him/her, therapist would explain it to you the best. If he doesn't have one, look for a therapist that is specialised in OCD or CBT/ERP/ACT and, same, book one session. Maybe, just maybe, there will be more than one session needed, but one session is a lot of time for you to learn what to do about it!
I also have contamination OCD and had a similar problem, but my girlfriend just couldn't understand. Meanwhile, I found a new therapist. Turns out her husband also has OCD. She helped me a ton on how to explain it to my girlfriend and what guidelines to give. It made all the difference.
Good luck!
P.S. If he hasn't contacted a therapist, he should ASAP! I had explosion of OCD during lockdown, and just talking to a therapist over phone made all the difference in that regard too.
But again, you should be careful with choosing therapists for OCD. It should be someone who is specialised in it. Or if there is noone specialised look for someone who practices CBT (ERP especially!) and ACT. Those are approaches effective for OCD.
Please consider joining Al Anon, the support group for families who have loved ones who abuse alcohol. You will learn many helpful strategies to help YOU cope with both his drinking and his OCD. You cannot cure or change your husband but you absolutely can learn to change yourself and how you are managing your life right now. With two young children your focus must be on their welfare and on your own. Your husband will ultimately have to make decisions about his own health and he won’t do this as long as you are trying “to fix” him. No one can fix another person. We can be supportive of their efforts to seek help for themselves. If they don’t choose to seek help we must decide to take care of ourselves and our children. Otherwise, you have four victims instead of one. Please reach out to Al Anon.
Oh wow—it sounds like you’re both in a lot of pain. This pandemic plus stress on everyone plus OCD—it’s just so much!My son is greatly struggling too; it’s just beyond painful to see his despair.
He’s just beginning to work with a therapist (he did as a child and took medication—he just started back on medication too) because his despair has brought him to the brink.
He found his therapist through the International OCD Foundation website. I’d highly recommend starting there; they might have answers to your question about crisis care. You might want to consider contacting the Crisis Line in your county for ideas. The county where my son lives has a crisis line and text line.
I hope you can find your own therapist to shore yourself up—this is not an easy path, especially with caretaking little children too. Please take care of yourself too. I wish your hubby (and you) relief and peace.
The booze was a big trigger when I drank for ocd it made my ruminating way stronger and I was vunrable to every thought ,the drink was sort of a way to forget ,but the next day it hammered the hell out of me ,,,it's true that all people with ocd are kind ,and caring so in reality the drink causes more harm than good also it's better to have a clear path to beating this illness when taking meds ,,,drink and meds don't work ,I found just to chat with someone that knew what it's like as the best way forward ,,,,it's obvious you love him and can see the good man ,I wanted to feel better about myself ,but was not that fond of my self, everyone loved me but I did not like myself ,things will improve when he lets go of the fear and accept s it's ocd and not him ,,,,stay strong and you both will get through this ,tell him not to be too proud to accept a bit of help
I agree with the recommendation to go to Al-Anon. It's very difficult to live with someone who is drinking heavily and it will help you get some clarity about steps forward. Your kids are counting on you. Have you told him (or maybe written him a letter) about how his behavior is affecting you and your children? I would also start talking people you trust--a sister or brother, a cousin, a good friend. Tell them you don't need advice, right now what you need is to talk and for them to listen. You're taking care of the kids; you need people to take care of you.
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