why did it take me so long to accept my ocd

i am so arrogant i never accepted i was weak enough to have ocd. i need to accept my weaknesses. i have a good heart and although sometime i am a full blown sosiopath i also have a weak and fragile side.

[Natureloverpeace]

Having OCD is not a weakness or a character defect.

[Hidden in reply to Natureloverpeace]

yes but thats my personal feeling its not fact. i see it as weakness doesnt mean u have to see it as that

[deValentin in reply to Natureloverpeace]

I fully agree with the statement "Having OCD is not a weakness or a character defect". In my opinion, OCD rather stems from a lack of knowledge. When I had intrusive blasphemous thoughts, I frantically tried to get rid of them, which made them worse. I didn’t know at the time it was pointless. I learnt later not to attribute meaning to those thoughts and to focus on something else. When I tried desperately to settle the issues that were tormenting me at the expense of everything else, I didn’t know that if you start on that path, you’re inexorably caught in a spiral. However, knowledge is not enough. Now that CBT gave me the tools and renewed hope, I need resolve to pause my search for clarity, completion, safety, cleanliness, symmetry, fairness, or peace of mind, etc., when it's wise to pause it, that is, to prevent any search from turning obsessional. It’s not always easy, but mental well-being, like physical well-being, is never acquired once and for all.

[SCC1 in reply to deValentin]

Edit at bottom- "...Not to attribute meaning to those thoughts..." I have found that with letting go of even one thought I am having at the time (not doing a compulsion), it feels like the rest don't need to be done in the future, yet I continually get stuck in their grip. It is a never-ending circle. But I think I will start to not give meaning to more thoughts and hopefully that will lead to more freedom from this hell of OCD.

I also frantically try to get rid of them and am caught in that spiral. It is scary when you feel like you are lost in something that you feel you have no control over. But, again, my thoughts on this are the same-try to let one compulsion go and not get stuck in so many more.

Thank you.

[Natureloverpeace in reply to SCC1]

It really is scary and when we’re trapped in OCD we do the compulsions to deal with the distress. The ironic thing is that doing the compulsions feeds the OCD cycle. The brain says the compulsion made me feel better so the obsession must be true and there actually is an imminent threat even though there isn’t one. OCD is never satisfied though. The relief is temporary and another “what if” thought will come because you can’t have 100% certainty that what you fear won’t happen. So then another compulsion is done which reinforces the obsession which brings more distress. Doing compulsions keeps the endless cycle going. There are mental compulsions as well such as avoidance, distraction, reassurance, using logic, thought stopping, thought replacement, etc. When any of these are used to reduce or get rid of distress from OCD, they can become compulsions.

[SCC1 in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Thank you, Natureloverpeace. You have explained this very well to where I have more understanding on how doing the compulsions feeds the OCD. But, for me, most of my (mental) compulsions happen immediately when I have a bad thought. There is no time between the thought and the compulsion. It's simultaneous. I have this problem a lot during the day, and I don't know what I can do about it because the compulsions ARE so immediate. I never realized it was OCD, but seeing the posts makes me think it is.

[Natureloverpeace in reply to SCC1]

This is very common. The process is done so often that you’re doing it on autopilot. An OCD specialist can help you to be aware of your thinking steps in the autopilot process so you can address them.

[SCC1 in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Thank you

[Natureloverpeace in reply to deValentin]

Attaching meaning to intrusive thoughts instead of treating them as just thoughts can send us into a spiral of endless “what if” thinking. I think of intrusive thoughts as spam and treat them as such. Notice it, mark it as spam and move on. Accepting uncertainty and realizing that we are capable of managing distressing situations is essential for freedom from OCD according to Jon Grayson.

[Hidden in reply to Natureloverpeace]

thats what i did today it helps

[Natureloverpeace in reply to deValentin]

Definitely, recovery is an ongoing process. You definitely need to keep up a recovery mindset and continue to use your skills to remain in the driver’s seat. OCD can fade into the background and hardly be noticed most of the time. It doesn’t completely go away though. There isn’t a cure for OCD yet but we can be in charge of what we do each day instead of OCD being in charge. Overcoming OCD is empowering but one needs to maintain an active recovery or OCD will take over again.

[deValentin in reply to Natureloverpeace]

I find also that OCD recovery is a two-fold approach. To stop investing time and energy in endless pursuits and start investing in values-based endeavours (to the extent one’s emotional resources allow it); getting used to some uncertainty and imperfections and not waiting too long to carry out normal actions; replacing unreliable sources of comfort with sustainable sources of comfort. I like the holistic approach advocated by ACT.

I feel bad for Tricia who says on an internet video: “When your whole day is OCD, if you can get 40 seconds, 1 minute, 2 minutes, anything, it’s worth it. It’s worth scrubbing the skin off your body just to get 2 minutes of peace and quiet. When it’s all day, every day, when you go to bed thinking about it, you wake up thinking about it, you have nightmares about it, that 2 minutes is worth more than anything in the world.” (The War Inside, 58:07- 58:30). The only source of comfort she had was those 2 minutes scrubbing the skin off her body. ☹

[Natureloverpeace in reply to deValentin]

I love this response! I like values-based ERP because the values part can be a motivator to do the challenging work of ERP. I’m a fan of ACT. OCD took away what I valued the most and I was bound and determined that no matter what, I would get it back. It didn’t matter what OCD threw at me, what lies OCD told or how scared I felt. It was worth taking the risk so I could get back what I valued most into my life again and I did. It turned out that OCD was lying all along but I couldn’t see that until I took the risk. I find that moving toward my values is easier to do than trying to move away from fear. (ACT concept)