Dear OCD,
Where do I begin? We have known each other for quite a few years now, but in these past few months I have really gotten to know you on a personal level and now I see you for what you really are - a liar. I am sure this is not going to be easy for you to hear, as you have taken quite the liking to me, but I am breaking up with you.
You lied to me. You told me I wasn’t good enough. You told me that I was a bad person who did not deserve to live a good life. You told me lies about my past, present, and future. You showed me things that I did not want to see. You made me feel less than. At your best, you served as a minor inconvenience in my life. A small, annoying fly buzzing from room to room on a hot summer day. But at your very worst, it felt as though you would be the end to my life. You took my breath away - and not in the romantic way that many women dream about.
Each day that passed you slowly chipped away at me, piece by piece, waiting in anticipation for me to crumble. With you by my side there were many sleepless nights, tears shed, and guilt that weighed so heavily I felt as if I were going to collapse. I could go on for paragraphs about all of the terrible times we have been through together, but I no longer care to dwell on our toxic relationship.
I will admit, you really did almost have me there for a minute. I was convinced that you would never lie to me. That everything you said had to be the truth. But then I met ERP, and I came to realize that despite everything you told me, I finally had a choice as to how I was going to respond to your words. I realized that I was going to be ok and that I do indeed deserve to live a good life. I deserve freedom, happiness, recovery, and so much more.
I know this is going to be hard for the both of us. I know you are going to try to stay as relevant in my life as you can. I know that you will knock at my door every chance that you get. And you can come in to my home, but you will not be invited to sit down. You truly are a stage five clinger, and try as you might to win me back you will fail miserably because I have some pretty neat tools in my back pocket now. Warning: You will not like them.
You are just no good for me OCD, and I know that I can do better than you. So this is me letting you go, but first I want to thank you. Without you I would never know just how strong I really am. I would not value my life as highly as I do today. And I never would have met the amazing community of people who are reading this right now. So thank you, but it is time we go out separate ways.
Once yours,
C
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