Our daughter Zoe is 19 now and has been suffering from OCD for about two years now .She has medicine Floxetine .Which we've been told is a slow process we try as much as possible for her but it's just become so very wary. brocken nights sleep late nights early morning . having bto do things the RIGHT WAY.
Or else it's starting all over again .
We do have a health care worker but there's not much help from them as Zoe does not get on with her .we might get the od visitor then nothing for weeks on end .and my wife candy myself care just stuck in this nightmare .
And the worst thing is it feels our daughter isn't get the help she needs from anyone including us .
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MontyG1234
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My heart goes to you. I have suffered from OCD as long as I have conscious memories of myself, and I only reached out for help in my early 30s. I'd never wish this disorder even onto the worst enemy.
Saying that, has your daughter been into ERP therapy with a trained clinician? Pharmaceutical treatment is often necessary in the initial stages of the OCD treatment, but without therapy there won't be real healing taking place. Drugs only numb out the symptoms.
I see that you are from the UK. I'm certain there must be some OCD support groups offline and online in your area, maybe even some OCD youth groups. As much as family wishes to help, from my own experience I know that it is really hard for people without OCD to understand this disorder. So self-support groups for OCDers are often a very helpful place for those still suffering.
Hi Tom thanks for your reply .Still waiting for talking therapy there such a lot of teen mental health issues in the UK so our health services seam to be overwhelmed with it .
As a parent of a child who has struggled with OCD for 20 years, I totally understand your emotions - frustration, sympathy, grief, etc. Medication helps as TomFed indicated, but ERP therapy is the evidence-based, gold standard therapy that will help your daughter take back her life from OCD - that is if she is a willing participant. ERP is not easy, but the therapy is effective. Have you tried to engage an online ERP therapy clinician? In the meantime, practice compassion for yourselves and your daughter while not reinforcing the OCD torment by accommodating your daughter's rituals and obsessions. I know, this is not an easy journey, but there is HOPE.
Hi thanks for the advice .I think the plan is to see how she goes with her medication floxetine .Both myself and my wife are open to any experience that others going through the same thing.
It's an old thing with Zoe as she has a contamination issue with our house .which as you can imagine makes things quite challenging .
I know we need to not accommodate her ritual's and request for sometimes the most odd things but this can be difficult when it's late at night and all you need to do is get some sleep .which is one of our biggest problems coping .but just reeding other peoples post and being able to off load helps .hope you're child is doing ok regards mark
My daughter will be 19 this month and we have been battling contamination OCD since she was 12. Her symptoms were severe at first, but years of medication and ERP have helped tremendously. I highly recommend the following book. You can actually do a lot of ERP at home while waiting to find the right therapist for your daughter. We went through several before we found the help we needed. Also be aware that several different OCD medications are available and you may need to try something different if you are not seeing results.
The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook). I ordered from Amazon after her therapist recommended it.
I hope your daughter finds relief soon. This disease is exhausting for the entire family.
Hi thanks for the reply .I think by learning as much as I can from other people. and as you have suggested read up on this is going to be the only way forward at the moment .we have asked for advice on how to not entertain our daughters rituals and request without have a massive meltdown occur .
Which is one of the biggest problems we face right now
ocdaction.org.uk and iocdf.org are two websites that you may find useful.
ocdinfo.com is a link to a new online directory of OCD specialists in the UK, Australia, Canada and the United States. The OCD specialists are vetted by OCD experts for licensure, background, education, training and expertise. There are many therapists who claim that they can treat OCD but lack the specific education and training to qualify as an OCD specialist. Just because a therapist says they are an OCD specialist doesn’t mean they are. Unqualified providers can cause more harm than good.
Hi thanks for taking the time to respond It's a bit of a minefield finding the best type of treatment to help our daughter .the medication dose take a long time to start working .we have been advised of this .
I know the health service is very limited with its resources but it just gets so frustrating waiting to hear back from someone even if you can get hold of them in the first place. we are looking at private therapy but when you're working two jobs to make ends meet. and the cost of a private session can be up around £100
It's hard to see any kind of normality any time soon .
Going private can be very expensive, and apart from the fact that you shouldn't have to, there's the problem of only being able to pay for sporadic sessions rather than a course of treatment.
But if you do go private, remember that there are a lot of charlatans out there ready to take your money. Make sure any private therapist is:
Properly qualified and using CBT techniques
Explains how much it is likely to cost
Explains in details what the treatment will consist of
Any practitioner that won't explain how a treatment works unless you pay upfront is dodgy. Any practitioner not giving their qualifications, or promising a cure, is to be avoided.
But great progress can be made with a decent self help book. It might help to sit down with your daughter as a family, with a book, to work on a plan of treatment and negotiate boundaries about how much you will accommodate her OCD.
It's so difficult caring for someone with OCD. The medication does take about 4 - 6 weeks to start working properly and then there should be some improvement. But although medication can help a lot, it needs CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and ERP (exposure- response prevention) to make it really effective.
At nineteen your daughter will be with the adult services, not the children's or teenagers' ones. There is a waiting list, but there's a lot you and she can do before getting professional help.
Ask - or get your daughter to ask - her GP about CBT from an NHS therapist. There is also a ward in Springfield Hospital in Tooting that treats patients with OCD from all over the country. It's residential, though she can go home at weekends if she wants - and the average stay is 4 - 6 months. I had a four month stay there and found it really helpful.
There is also an Oxford programme - I think it treats patients in their own homes.
Do get a copy of The OCD Workbook for your daughter - it explains OCD and has exercises she can adapt to her own forms of OCD. It also contains an excellent section for carers. There are other books - for adults, for young people and for carers - but this is a particularly good one.
I know it's difficult and exhausting for families of OCD sufferers - I've put mine through a lot! And it's exhausting whether you accommodate your daughter's OCD or if you don't. Therapists always say that you mustn't facilitate or enable the OCD in any way - but as you've found out, it isn't so easy in practice! It's best not to do things for her or do things her way if you can help it - the more she has to do things herself the better for her recovery. But this won't always be possible - and for your own sanity, as well as hers, you will have to compromise on some things. If possible, set boundaries, with her co-operation, as to what you will do and won't.
Just don't blame yourself - it's difficult enough living with someone with OCD without adding blame - and in any case, it isn't your fault. It's painful for her, but also painful for you.
If there's anything more any of us here can do, please reach out. I can get some links to the Springfield and Oxford programmes if you wish.
As a father of a daughter with OCD, I feel your pain, anxiety and turmoil.
A few thoughts.
1) Never let the battle be between you and her. The battle is the family vs OCD. There are times when she will feel broken and needs someone to turn to. She needs to feel safe with you.
2) Educate, educate, educate. The first good resource I found was the movie Unstuck
4) Find a good support group - online or in person. She needs to know she is not alone.
5) Research ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) It is similar to CBT, but more gentle to the person. (Happiness Trap - Russ Harris)
6) Love Her, as there will be times she doesn't love herself.
I was on a support group call (My daughter and I attend one twice a month), and one of the young women spoke up and said I'm so grateful for the support you give your daughter and that you haven't given up on her. I'd have given up on myself a long time ago.
OCD goes much deeper and hurts much more than we can imagine.
Hi thanks for the time to relpy to my post. any advice or inspiration I can gain from people who have been and are going through the same thing as our daughter is very welcome Gabe me a few things to look into
Third is a strategy of naming the themes and then build a strategy for them.
fourth, when OCD is not in control, set boundaries, by building them in advance you can remind your daughter of them as needed rather than negotiate them in the moment.
Fifth, build social stories that are meaningful as prompts to build the way back and enable her take control.
Each one of these items will help with ERP when you get there.
As my daughter has gone through the struggles, I have had the opportunity to learn a lot about mental health, particularly Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It has help me be mentally stronger, so I can help carry the load. Without learning and growing along side her, we would be in a mess.
Final note. I know some here may disagree with me, but be cautious with CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. CBT is a process of working through your thoughts in a rational manner, OCD is not rational and in the end CBT can lead a person to chasing a bunch of what if's and losing time in rumination.
ACT is about accepting the emotion, moving forward on your values and dealing with uncertainty.
As a 16yr old with two parents who has ocd, I understand your side and your daughters side. I've had some pretty difficult bouts of ocd, which most likely has weighed heavily on my parents especially with contamination ocd where it isnt germs it's just touch- I cant imagine having a child who is fine with dirt and 'being messy', but would cry if you tried to touch them or give them a hug. I hope you know how much you both are appreciated, even if you feel like your not helping her, just you listening to her and trying to understand her is a big step- when my parents finally started to listen to me that I wasn't just 'being a teenager', and had actual issues with touch and have started to give me space and leave my things alone, I've found that my life is a lot less stressful than what it used to be. You've probably done a ton of research, and theres not much I can help with as I still suffer from my ocd, but please don't feel like you are letting her down as parents- even I can acknowledge that theres only so much an outside help can do.
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