Obsessing about How Date Went

[Maximus2019]

I am in a new relationship with a woman who I feel a great connection with. On our last meet I drove her home. Two days later, my cousin was in my car and she said my car smelled really bad. I maybe didn't notice it since I've gotten used to it. I had a bunch of clothes and things from the gym in the trunk which isn't totally blocked off from the rest of the car. Other family members and friends have been in my car recently and hadn't mentioned anything- a couple months ago a friend mentioned something, but on the day of my date for whatever reason I thought it wasn't bad (I did remove some items from the car before she got in). I was mainly focused, though, on wearing nice clothes, and looking decent myself, etc., so was less focused on my car. I am not totally sure my date noticed anything on that day (I may or may not have also had the windows open prior to her being in the car). Now I am really unable to communicate with my date naturally. I had my car cleaned and bought air fresheners after my cousin mentioned this to me. I feel I can only go back to normal interactions with my date after she comes in my car again and sees that it's clean. This is hurting my self image a lot.

Please let me know what I should do to manage this. We just made plans to meet again on Tuesday. Should I appologize about the car smell in advance and tell her it's better now? On prior dates she chose to take an uber to meet me (and maybe that was specifically cus she didn't like my car!). If she insists on an uber this time too, I'll feel I'll have no opportunity to show her that I've improved in that regard and am not totally mindless. But until she sees my car in normal condition I don't feel I can talk to her with confidence and connect with her like before. We had interesting conversions in the past about things like psychology, dreams, etc. The conversation of our last date went very well- I even told her about a dream I had with her in it, and she responded well! With something like this car issue on my mind, though, it will be hard to stay enthusiastic since I'll feel she's not taking me seriously. Thanks!

[TomFed]

Take it easy, brother. It's your OCD obsessing about a very minor issue. But well clean your car and place some perfume if you don't want to be called a stinky rider next time crack a joke about it if she mentions something. Enjoy the ride!

[Sallyskins]

Try not to overthink it! One the next date, apologize along the lines of 'Sorry if my car was a bit whiffy - it must have been due a clean. Anyway, now I've had it cleaned'. Keep it light and make a joke of it, no matter whether her reaction is along the lines of 'It did whiff a bit' or if she says 'Really? I didn't notice!'

Humour is great in a relationship - it good to connect over psychology and dreams and what not, but having a laugh together can really bond you.

Don't think that you need to get her back in your car before you can act normally with her again, or that you need to 'prove' yourself to her.

[Maximus2019]

Thank you TomFed and Sallyskins !

[IStillHaveHope]

It sounds like you had a really sweet date. It definitely sounds like this is your OCD acting up. Typically, if I think something is OCD I try to just sit with it for a bit. Even delaying a response to it teaches your brain that it isn't something to be feared. If I had a thought like, "I can't go back to normal reactions to her until she's in my car.". I'd probably say something to myself like, "Okay, I know this is OCD and it feels like I need to address this issue right now. I'm going to relax and allow the thought to be there. Maybe I'll decide in a few minutes/hours/days whether I want to or not." I then may decide to do it or to push it out as long as I can. Over time the thoughts and the feelings will dissipate.

Also, one thing that helped me with social situations was the realization that people are often more concerned about themselves than they are with you. She is probably nervous too and thinking about how she looks or smells as well! Like TomFed said, it's a minor issue. OCD tends to act up when we are stressed and dating someone new, while fun, can be stressful.

I hope you guys continue to get to know each other and learn to be yourselves around each other. Good luck my friend!

[Maximus2019 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Thank you this is very helpful!