am I wrong? I’m so confused

[OCDlivrecovery]

hello, my boyfriend and I haven’t been arguing bc I haven’t had the energy and it never gets anywhere I am always the one that apologizes and does something wrong when he clearance to say anything he wants. We were talking about a cultural event that happened and I just stated my opinion and he said now is not the time to be saying things like that (Israel and Palestine) and he just started yelling at me saying that I was trying to argue against him, and make him seem like a bad person, when I wasn’t trying to do that at all… I was just expressing how I felt and what I’ve been seeing. I have tried 4 times now to talk to him and tell him that I don’t want to argue with him and that’s not what I was trying to do. TBH i think he just got mad that I already knew and had an opinion on what’s going on that he didn’t create for me so it made him defensive, if that makes sense. He just keeps telling me he wants me to shut the fuck up, he will pay me to shut the fuck up, saying in annoying, I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m dumb, etc. I’m trying to be as nice as I can but he just wants to be rude it seems and said he can’t just “narcissisticly” get over things within minutes…. Which I have no clue was a shot at me? Because when he gets mad he says comments about me being a narcissist but I know that’s not true because I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and OCD.

[Sallyskins]

Not knowing either of you personally, I don't know if this is an abusive relationship, but it isn't normal for your partner to keep telling you to 'shut the fuck up'. Or to object to your having opinions of your own, or tell you that you're 'dumb' or don't know what you're talking about.

I think that it would be good to evaluate this relationship, and whether it is good for you. It's quite common for women (and occasionally men) to put up with a lot of abusive behaviour from a partner, and this in itself undermines your self-esteem and makes you feel, deep down, that you deserve such treatment. And of course you don't.

Rows can take up an awful lot of physical and emotional energy and if he insists on fighting with you then perhaps you should cut your losses and get out. If this is difficult, then perhaps get in touch with a local women's refuge or phone a women's helpline.