please read and help, am I a bad person?

[OCDlivrecovery]

Long post but need help❤️

Everything was okay. With us yesterday. Antonio had a stressful day because tony is making him start June 1st and he wanted more time off. His dad was yelling at him to get to the office Tony(his dad) and sign the paperwork. He called him today and tony asked if we wanted to meet him at sams club. I made a joke about us getting cat stuff to start preparing and he completely shut it down. We were shopping in the aisles and tony just dropped the cart and stopped pushing it, Antonio was already pushing ours so he (in my experience) said "can you just push the cart" is a bossy tone. Another young woman' looked over at me and made a distinct look at me, and I looked back at her. He was looking at me and said "what's the problem" I didn't know what to say so I said nothing just keep going in a bitchy way I was so caught off guard by the woman and his response. He was pissy at me after grocery shopping, I asked if he could be a little nicer to me, and not be so demanding when he's stressed. He gets very upset and suicidal when he is stressed out. He said he was not going to fulfill my delusions because he was not even being mean. I said I just don't want to be treated rudely and he said I wasn't I make all the problems, I cause issues in his life constantly, I do nothing for him. At some point he changed his argument into me saying he says nothing for me but that was after the fact he said I do nothing and does everything for me. I raised my voice and said do not talk to me like that when the shut the fuck up and stop talking started, he started to bf at really mean so I tried to back off. we were In the car he said "I'm not going to deal with this shit. You can leave when we get home. Threatened to stop the car and drop me off. He said, "looks like you got what you wanted; your college rent paid for a whole two years now fuck me right" (we are codependent on HIS millionaire dad ((long story)))) so he doesn't pay anything either. He ripped his rings off, said he was done with me, I said he would really do this over something so small he said yes I'm done with you. He told me to take my ring off I said no and he said "oh yeah no you keep the $650 ring to keep For sure I'll keep my $120 one.... that ring was $275 fuckin asshole. I said that hurt me so badly and he did not care at all. My dad picked me up and he told me t go have fun. He texted me a depressing message during. Im so confused if I am a bad person or not or if this is just out of my hands too much....

[SCC1]

I apologize for my reply before if you had seen it. I deleted it, because it was a stupid thing to say.

I am wondering, are you afraid to leave for some reason? You are getting abused and still have a need to stay with him. He even said for you to take your ring off and you didn't want to. I am not judging you, I was just curious as to why you want to stay with him.

You also said, he sent you a depressing msg after the fight. Do you think he's using his depression/suicide talk as a way to make you stay? Do you think you'll be losing something if you go?

There are a lot of other people out there that you can have a better relationship with. Give yourself a chance to be free and open yourself up to new possibilities with another person (or maybe take a break from seeking another one). You need time to heal from your current situation.

You will probably find that you deserve to be treated with respect and not have to hang onto a bad relationship.

Just some thoughts. I hope you find peace with whatever you decide to do. xx

[NobodyInParticular-]

You are NOT a bad person. The fact that you stood up for yourself is a GOOD thing, and you should never feel bad about standing up for your values as a human person. In addition (not to be rude or judgmental in any way), it sounds like he may have been manipulative towards you, making you feel awful when in the grand scheme of things staying with him would have been extremely detrimental to your health. You deserve to be truly loved and treated with respect, and, even though it may take time to find a match, they're out there, and it sure as hell wasn't him.

[avoidingthebadthings]

I would take this as a perfect sign that it's time to ditch him permanently. He's made it very clear that he doesn't want to be with you. Why would you go back for more abuse?

This has nothing to do with whether or not you are a bad person. This is classic Broken Wing Syndrome. This fellow needs a lot of professional help. You are not responsible for saving him. Please exit now and work on saving your own mental health.

Yes, he'll probably try to guilt trip you into coming back because he's counted on you taking care of him for so long. You have to be strong and stand up for yourself. Don't engage anymore with him. It will only make things worse and bring more emotional and verbal abuse.

[MondaySunday]

only you can decide what is right and no you’re not a bad person. I have been doing DBT a and there’s stuff in there that really helps you to stand up for yourself but in a way that is sometimes more beneficial to you, to help you get your meaning across to the other person. Look up DBT and DEARMAN (which I found really useful). It’s an acronym. Marsha Linehan is the instigator of DBT, if that’s any help.

[Hidden]

You are a human being who wants to be treated kindly and respectfully. Please mute his messages for at least a few days and get some friends or family to come with you to get your stuff. Stay off social media and spend some time taking walks, reading, watching movies, playing music, spending time with pets and friends. There's a bigger world out here, filled with joy. Sending hugs.

[Gavriel]

nothing I said or did suggests that u r a bad person

Gavriel

[WildernessMAn]

Hello OCDLIVRECOVERYFriend we can open up that BELIEF CLOSET and Clean out those Irrational Beliefs. We are not bad people trying to become good, rather the Truth is We are Sick People who need treatment. Understanding the Proper treatment to heal our Wounded Self Esteem is doable. You are a good woman who is doing you best.