My OCD

[catarinass99]

Hi. I have OCD and panic attacks. I am taking medication for 2 years but was diagnosed with OCD almost a year ago. I don't know what to do. I feel so alone in my symptoms. I read about symptoms of people being afraid to harm someone like a significant other but never heard of being the other way around. I am afraid of somebody harming me. More spicifically killing me. Like a loved one that I thought I could trust but I can't or someone I don't know. I was recently hospitalized and I am having a really hard time accepting it even though it's for 3 months. I believe that the people are there for other reasons. Not the same as mine. I feel so alone, so stupid, like something is wrong with me and my brain. Why would the people I love and that love me with they whole heart do that?I would I even think that? My brain knows it doesn't make any sense but that doesn't stop the obsessive thoughts and panic from arriving. Does anyone struggle with this too? I can't be alone. I feel so bad about myself. I feel I'm going crazy.

[beth196]

I joined a support group last night which I found very helpful. See if there is one in your area. I also learned that CBT orERP is the way to go. Meds only do so much. You have to treat OCD without logic. Logic doesn't work on OCD and that's how I got stuck in a wicked loop. There are u tube videos which are quite helpful I watched some and they teach you how to let the thoughts drift away since there not logical.. You'll never win against the OCD with logic...

[catarinass99 in reply to beth196]

Thank you!

[IStillHaveHope]

Hello, I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now. I really am. I know how hard OCD can be and the toll it can take on you. You are not alone and you are not the only person to have these thoughts. There are literally millions of people out there who have the same thoughts and have learned to deal with it.

The truth is that with OCD the thought itself really doesn't really matter (I've heard of someone who was obsessing over if his shoes were tied or not). It's the associated feeling that is the problem. If we didn't care about the thoughts they wouldn't bother us! I read somewhere that OCD isn't a "thinking" problem, but a "feeling" problem. We think that if we can just "figure" the thought out everything will be fine. This is where the rumination compulsion comes in. I have found that another thought/theme will just pop up once we get used to a previous one. We just happen to have bodies that don't make enough enzymes for our brains. That's all. It's no different than a person whose body makes to much cholesterol or a diabetic whose body doesn't make enough insulin. That's why medicine can help.

Also, I put together a post a while ago about what I've learned on my OCD journey. Maybe you can find some insight in it?

healthunlocked.com/my-ocd/p...

I truly hope you find the peace you deserve my friend. God bless you.

[catarinass99 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Thank you so much

[catarinass99]

Thank you.

[beth196]

I find taking lexapro 40mg quiets the ocd so I can push the thoughts away I'm grateful for the relief. meds can help with erp