Race Against Time / Just Right Compulsions

[Raider916]

Hey everyone. Ive had a pretty bad phase of OCD over the last year. Ive had phases where its worse off and on over the last 20+ years. Things get better for a while then were back in the storm again. One of hardest things to deal with is the sudden sense of urgency I get to do compulsions before something happens. Doing a certain number of rapid fire mental compulsions before the screen changes frame or view in a movie or show, for example. Or taking so many steps before a car passes by. Or thinking a thought so many times before a ligh4 changes while driving. Im consumed by it lately and it causes so much anxiety because it "feels" like life or death if I dont do the compulsions on time. On top of that, I have just right ocd, so I get stuck in a loop if it doesnt "feel" right. Its like an automatic thought process lately. So many inteusive thoughts. Does anyone here have these types of compulsions? If so, is there anything tgat helps?

[BravesFanATL]

yes or I want to be “certain” of something before I feel I can deserve to enjoy anything when in reality “certain” unless it comes in the form of reassurance, which is destructive to OCD management.

[SCC1]

Hi Raider916. I have the same thing. Mine consists of things like counting to a certain number before the microwave finishes or thinking thoughts before my mom answers the phone. It will start when it rings, and I have to think my thoughts before it either finishes ringing or before it's answered. I also do things like breathe a certain way or have to do a certain number of breaths, and sometimes they're not even normal-breathing breaths. Like they're jagged and either very close to the next breath or further away from the previous one. And I have thoughts like you do.

A lot of my compulsions are centered around numbers. It's very nerve-racking, because if I don't get "there" before the main thing happens, I feel something bad will happen and it could be to myself, too. It's a whole bunch of anxiety and pressure to get the compulsion done before something happens. If I can't get it done in time, I feel incomplete and like my thought or behavior (compulsion) is left hanging over an edge and I have to try to get it right again. But maybe with another type of compulsion, then another, til I feel good about the end result.

I don't know what to do about this problem, but I'm hoping what I wrote is relatable to what you're feeling to let you know I understand.

I am sorry you are going through this. To me, this type of OCD thinking causes more anxiety than "regular" OCD symptoms, which I have plenty of, too.

[Raider916 in reply to SCC1]

I can very much relate to you! The thinking the thoughts before an event happens. The phone thing is a perfect example. I also do some breathing compulsions, or outward compulsioms like taking a certain number of steps and thinkikg a thought with each one. Usually a certain number of thoughts for me, and usually poaitive thoughts to counter the intrusive thoughts. Mine are also related to numbers. Its so complex and frustrating, isnt it?

I relate so much to that pressure of getting "there" on time. That adds sooo much anxiety to everything we do. It can feel so important to get the compulsions done in time. It can feel like "life or death". Finding the just right feeling can take hours and hours.

I dont know what to do either. Ive been in therapy for this. With so many thoughts coming in, its hard to just stop thinking long enough to not do a compulsion. I feel what youre hoing through.

I dont want to say its worse that "regular" ocd, but I understand what youre saying because of the intensity. Its so difficult. Wish you werent going through this. Im here if you ever need to chat. Thanks so much for the reply!

[SCC1 in reply to Raider916]

You're welcome! I agree with you, too, about so many thoughts coming in, it's hard to not do a compulsion. I posted or replied on this awhile ago. I can't separate two different thoughts. It's like they're attached to each other. I have so many thoughts going through my head and do mental compulsions, but before I get one done, another thought comes up and I have to do one for that one. Then everything gets intertwined and I get the feeling that something bad will happen. So, I try to go back to the previous thought and have to do a compulsion for that even though it has already passed. I also try to replace a negative thought with a positive one. I can't say enough how bad this feels. (I'm not downplaying other types of OCD or their affect on people, just specifically talking about this one.)

And, I don't know if I'm not getting better because I'm not on the proper dose of meds. I think it would be a lot easier to handle this if I were. Because without the help, I keep being stuck. And things that others are saying, I can't put into practice because I feel so bad. I try all the time, well when I can, to do what others suggest, and despite the good/proven info, I still can't feel better because I feel so sick with this!

Can you (or anyone) relate to this?

[Raider916 in reply to SCC1]

I remember your post and I think I commented on that as well! Its so diificult with some many thoughts, and what feels like a growing list or queue of compulsions to do. Its so time consuming and exhausting. Its really affects our daily functioning. I know you arent downplaying any other types. I know this one really sucks though lol.

Finding the right dose will help. I was on celexa/citalopram for years, and it helped a lot. I got to the point where I was doing well enough to come off of it for a few years. I tried going back on it in the last year, but it doesnt work the same now. Meds can help to create that space between our thoughts and reaction to them so that we dont do compulsions all the time and we can dismiss many of those thoughts and function.

I understand and can relate about doing what therapists and specialists suggest. I was in intensive outpatient therapy for 4 months, and when you have thoughts and do compulsions almost automatically, it can he insanely difficult to do the therapy. I think finding the right medication is important so you can at least function well enough to benefit and absorb the info and be effective at doing it. Dont give up though! We gotta take it day by day.

[SCC1 in reply to Raider916]

I'm here, too, if you need to chat.