Help from across the world

[Closedwalls]

Hi all, I'm new to the group and I suffer from what I would like to think is a debilitating OCD. I hope this does not come across in the wrong way but I'm desperate for help, any help.

I was hoping for an open heart and ear to hear my story as to help clarify what I'm going through. I can't describe it as a "typical OCD" because I haven't found the vocabulary for it in my searches but like may who suffer from this overwhelming illness, it feels unique to me and the walls are closing down on me. I know this may seem odd but there really aren't specialists where I'm from who I can access.

I compulsively, obsessively ruminate about the hyperwareness. Imagine reading a book then suddenly you hear a song in the background from another room. Usually after some time, your mind "ignores" the song then you go back to reading right? You don't know how it happened but suddenly your full-on concentrating again and the song is not the focal point of your thinking. Heres what Im currently struggling with: What if you try to go back to reading but you can't now because your mind compulsively, obsessively tries to make the song a "white bear". Then you try different distractions but those distractions become "white bears" themselves and now your stuck in a loop where you can't concentrate on one thing because everything has suddenly become a visual/sonic distraction.

Not sure if all of that made sense but I'm just asking for some insight as to what may be my problem

[Sallyskins]

That sounds very much typical of what OCD can be like! It can take many forms, and no two people with OCD are exactly alike, but they have things in common.

If the right therapists are not available to you, then try doing your own therapy from a book. A book (make sure you get one that uses CBT, or cognitive behavioural therapy) can also give you the vocabulary that might help you to describe your OCD.

If possible, try medication, if you haven't already. Some people don't get on with medication but it can be a great help and make the CBT easier to do. The standard medications are SSRIs, which are a kind of antidepressant. They take 4-6 weeks of being on them before you start feeling the benefit.

Having OCD can be like having a sort of background commentary in your mind, telling you what to do, and distracting you from what you want to do. It can, as you have found out, be so distracting that you can't concentrate properly.

The description you give is very apt. Think of 'white horses' - and then try to think of anything except 'white horses'. It's difficult, because 'white horses' are on your mind and the more you try to shake them off, the more they stick around.

Part of the trick of dealing with OCD is to just let the thoughts be - don't actively try to push them away but don't give them your attention. The more you try to push them away, the more they attack you. Not giving them so much attention - just leaving them there - it's as though they get fed up with the lack of attention and just go away of their own accord.

There are lots of good self-help books on the market, but I have found Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and The OCD Workbook particularly helpful. They can be bought over the internet. They have exercises you can adapt to your own experiences of OCD. Don't get discouraged if you find them difficult to do. It's all right to 'fail' - all it means is that you can try again!

And do go on this forum - it's full of people who know and understand what you're experiencing, and we can learn from one another's experiences.

[Closedwalls in reply to Sallyskins]

Hi Sallyskins,

Thank you so much for your reply, it means so much to me that someone out there hears me. It hurts so bad because I don't have the exact vocabulary for what is going on in my mind and people then tend to understate my experiences. It's been so extremely alienating and lonely.

I found a therapist today who said he may be able to help me, which gives me bit if hope. I will try your suggestions and also work at it on my own

[Closedwalls in reply to Sallyskins]

I just had to come back to this post and thank you again. A random stranger on the other side of the world asked and you answered. I've been up and down the internet but I've really come to discover that its a truly cold place.The world needs people like you. Keep being you, Sallyskins!

[Sallyskins in reply to Closedwalls]

Thanks for such kind words! I'm really happy to help, because I know how difficult is it to cope with OCD, and how lonely and isolating it can be.

Good that you've found a therapist - but make sure this therapist used CBT. Anyone promising an easy 'cure' is lying.

The form of CBT that is mostly used in OCD is called ERP - or exposure response prevention.

Basically it means that when you have an OCD urge, whether it's to wash your hands or take a shower, or to check something yet again, or to go back and repeat what you've done, or anything else OCD, that you make the decision not to wash, or check or repeat. At least wait a few minutes before you do so, let the feelings of panic build and wait for them to subside.

It gets easier the more you do it, and start small. It helps to make a list, and to start by tackling the least difficult OCD habits. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again - each attempt is another victory against OCD.

If intrusive thoughts are a problem, then there is a book called Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M Winston and Martin N Self. I must get a copy myself - but I've read extracts from it and they're really helpful.

It's so difficult for people without OCD to understand what it's like - they think we can just 'snap out of it' and what's so difficult? They don't get how painful it is. It's so often a secret condition, because we're embarrassed by OCD and try to hide it.

But there are lots of us with OCD, and there are ways of fighting it. Therapy can get you started, but it's really about learning skills to beat the OCD that you can put into practice each day.

[Mcfly64]

Hi Closedwalls. I have just read your post. How have you been? How’s it going with the therapist?

[Closedwalls in reply to Mcfly64]

Hi Mcfly64. Thank you for reaching out to my post. Honestly, not so well. I've just had an introductory consultation with the therapist so there has not been much in the way of that. I've found myself cry everyday for hours on end because its so relentlessly overwhelming...I don't even leave my bed let alone my room. Feels like this illness will haunt me forever. I don't mean to sound like a cynic or too sorry for myself because I know even children suffer in this world. I just want a bit of respite, you know? I have the will to want to get better but it's so daunting

[Mcfly64]

I know it’s hard. I understand. Are you on any medication?

[Closedwalls]

Yes. For a week now. I was put on Fluoxitine and Dopaquel.

[beth196]

when my OCD is driving me nuts I add ,5mg of clonazepam and it quiets my brain so I can look at things rationally with lexapro 20mg. I'm so lucky I have these meds. I also stay really busy and exercise 6-7 days a week with weights. I also see friends regularly. I'm 65 and I've dealt with this all of my life. I have a ton of self esteem but this disorder can make me cry. good luck It will get better.