I can’t stop overthinking at work

[Pandas782]

My OCD as of now has really been tough to deal with when it comes to work. I work in a lab in a hospital and the intrusive thoughts I get are primarily about messing up handling a patient’s specimens in a way that will cause them immediate harm. The main one I consistently have is with labeling specimens. A lot of times we have to print out a label to either relabel a specimen we have or to label a secondary container when we pour them off. In these cases we always need to check to make sure the patients info matches before proceeding (both labels have the same name and DOB). My OCD has gotten so bad to the point where I lose count how many times I check to make sure everything matches, and I can’t stop until my brain is 100% sure everything matches. I’ve tried ignoring the thoughts after just double checking once but my mind convinces me that maybe I missed an extra letter in someone’s name, or that I wasn’t fully paying attention while double checking, or that the numbers don’t match up (I.e. what if one label has 1/4/1998 as DOB and other label I printed has 1/4/1988). And deep down I know I’m overthinking but if I ignore those thoughts and stop double checking so much, I feel like something bad might happen to the patient and it would be all my fault. Today this situation came up. I had to reorder a test for patient’s samples and had to relabel them with the correct test number. I took so long relabeling the specimens that one of my coworkers asked if there was something wrong. This prompted me to try and speed up the double checking cuz I realized I was spending way too much time on something that should have taken less than one minute to do. I was able to somewhat minimize the double checking on the remaining samples, but on the last sample the only thing I had to double check last was the DOB, and I figured I should directly hand the specimens to the person that was supposed to process it so that it could be completed right away. I looked at the month and date first and everything matched, then I looked at the year as I was walking to hand them to the person that needed the specimen next, and I remember looking at the year to make sure they matched BEFORE handing them to the person, but as soon as I did, I convinced myself that I missed something and that the year on each label didn’t match since I didn’t double check more than once. It was too late for me to grab the specimens back so I tried rationalizing with myself to look at the situation logically; I told myself that I remember looking at the year before handing it, and if for some reason they happen to not match that the next person processing it would for sure notice and that if they didn’t notice the facility that they were sending them to would notice if there was a discrepancy (I know this because I called them before when I had situation like this a while ago and they confirmed with me that they make sure everything matches once they receive specimens too). But in the back of my head I’m convinced that I did something horribly wrong, that no one will notice it, and it will eventually end up harming the patient. I know it sounds ridiculous but I really feel like I did something bad. I could call the facility the next day and confirm with them that everything matches or I could ask my coworker who processed it if they made sure everything matched before sending it out, but I know those questions are unnecessary and that I’d probably sound insane to them for even asking. I also don’t want to ask because I’m tired of my thoughts having this much control over me. Me double checking with others I’m pretty sure will just enable me to continue having these thoughts but I’ve convinced myself if I don’t that it will result in something bad happening. I’ve tried mentioning this issue I’ve been having with my psychiatrist but they just told me to stop double checking once you realize everything matches (not very helpful) Can someone please help me? Has anyone had a similar situation like this? Has anyone found a way to successfully cope with these thoughts so you don’t feel guilty when you don’t give in to the thoughts?

[healingtoheal]

hey! I resonate with this. something that really helped me in those really loud moments was literally yelling at the thought to shut up and leave and that I would not give it any time of day when it would try to come back., I would ignore it and carry on, easier said than done of course, but it works. the way OCD thoughts have the "fuel" to keep showing up in your brain is by continuing to give them a place. Which is the compulsion, and sometimes the compulsion is just thinking and reassuring yourself.

You know that you do things well. You know that you didn't mess up. And you clearly care so much, practicing self compassion in your life (when you're not in the heat of the moment) if SOO helpful.

I'm happy to talk more on here or one on one.

[SCC1]

Hi Pandas782. (Sorry for the long reply.)

I feel the same way. I recently (several mths ago), started a volunteer job at an animal shelter. One of my jobs is to make sure the sizes of the clothing they have for sale, is arranged in order (all S and all XL are together, for example), and in the right rows. I have to check and recheck and recheck again to make sure I got every shirt in the right row.

To get to the shirts (that are in a locked case), I need to get a few keys to open them.

One day, when I had finished sorting, I checked to make sure I had all the keys so they wouldn't get lost. (I had put them on top of the cases.) For someone without OCD, that check would've sufficed.

Anyway, I had left that area and went outside to go home, but the doubt that maybe I had left a key on the case came into my mind and I went back to check.

I put the code in to open the door and unfortunately there was someone standing there looking at the shirts. (She works at the shelter, too.) I told her I was checking to make sure I had gotten all the keys from the top of the cases. I laughed, nervously, because I was thinking about what this person was thinking about me, because I had been standing there for a while - my mind couldn't process if I saw them or not. Maybe they were there, but maybe I didn't see them.

Since that was the case and since that person was standing there, I had just left without really knowing if I had put all of the keys away. However, I thought that if I had left any behind, this person would take care of them.

I have this problem with a lot of things, and it does take too much time checking.

In school, I would be one of the last people to finish taking tests, because I had to recheck my answers to so many of the questions.

All I can say, is to let the REchecking go. If you think you put the right info on the labels, you probably did. Otherwise, you would notice right away if the labels were incorrect. And like you had said, there are a lot of people who will make sure they are correct. So even if you had made a mistake, it would be caught.

I don't have much advice other than what I have mentioned, but I wanted to share to let you know that I struggle with this too; it has affected so much of my life. For example, this reply has taken me about an HR and a half to write 😞

I really hope you feel better soon.

[WildernessMAn]

Hello Pandas 782

[WildernessMAn]

Hang in there friend. I have learned HOW to think differently. The book called, "The Power of Now" by Author Eckert Tolle is a wonderful resource for me to learn how to bring my mind back into the HERE and NOW after each mistake.

[Sallyskins]

Of course it's a responsible job you have, and it needs to be done properly. But it sounds as though you are doing it properly and really have no need to worry.

In many ways jobs that require concentration and diligence and conscientiousness are suited to people with OCD. But it can be taken to extremes.

How about cutting down on the checking. Check, double check, but don't triple check. It does get easier the more you do it.

Once double-checked, put it out of your mind. Move on to the next task or sample. Don't go back to it in your mind - the more you think about it, the more you're going to be convinced that you might have made a mistake. This is unlikely, because you're not sloppy or slapdash with your work and you take a lot of care.

If not checking yet again really makes you unhappy, then tell yourself you won't worry about it now, but allow yourself ten minutes worry later on - perhaps after you've left work, or when you get home, or when you're making dinner. Don't make it a habit, and don't stick to the same time - mix it up a little so it doesn't become a ritual in itself.

And try to cut yourself a little slack. Mistakes of this sort are rare, and in any case the samples are checked again by someone else.

[Focusedmind]

I agree with "Sallyskins" above. Some jobs are perfect for people with OCD, such as this job. With all the mishaps made by sloppy medical workers in hospitals, you should be proud that you are the opposite kind of worker. Your conscientiousness is perfect for a position where it is essential to double-check the samples for date of birth, name, etc.

Many members of my father's side of the family have OCD. My father was an estate lawyer during his lifetime, and his concentration and diligence were valued for his excellent work in handling complex estates. I think his OCD helped him do exceptional work because he double-checked everything but knew when to stop verifying. As he became a better attorney, he found faster ways to get the job done and speed through parts he was familiar with. His experience gave him an edge, but it took time to get there. He wanted to keep the quality of his work high because he knew how important his job was.

So, as "Sallyskins" says above, try not to triple-check your work, figure out ways to get faster, rely upon others to do their jobs, and try not to keep focusing on samples until after work. As time goes on, I think you will do better. And although I have not used CBT or ERP, I believe this therapy would help you with this problem.

[Mcfly64]

Hi Panda. You mentioned you are seeing a psychiatrist. Are you seeing a therapist though who will help you more specifically though in helping with your ocd. Your answer from the psychiatrist is very basic and not really helpful. They are more to help with any medication you take.

[Hidden]

Oh Pandas I feel you. I'm an RN and my biggest obsession is fear of doing harm/ harming a patient. It's very tough. As you probably know, double & triple & quadruple checking is giving strength to this obsession. Try to connect with a therapist who specializes in OCD. Try to resist the urge to re-check for 5 minutes, then 10, then longer. Look for books about OCD. Dr. Bridget Walker has some good ones. The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris isn't just about OCD, but is helpful at responding to disturbing thoughts. You're not alone. You can do this. ❤️❤️