Hi everyone, I am currently looking for online groups in order to interact and create some friendships due to the lack of support I have now. My mother is a covert narc, my dad is avoidant and "the meditator" so he has never stood up for me ever and my brother is younger (17) so he just walks on eggs shells to my mother and is nice only to avoid their being a problem. I am 23 and lost most friends due to my struggles of understanding my many mental illnesses.. (ocd/c+ptsd) and then isolated myself in times of depression. I also went through a very bad and verbally abusive relationship after high school due to my mother pushing me out and feeling like i couldn't come back. (i am no longer in that relationship) I had to go no contact with my family because my mothers only form of communication is guilt tripping and verbal abuse. If anyone can relate or has found a good knit of communities to meet good people, it would be really helpful.
Looking for online friends/support group ... - My OCD Community
Looking for online friends/support group (female) struggling with OCD / C+ptsd
If it's possible, reconnect with your brother. He could be a supportive ally to you, and you to him. I appreciate it could be difficult if he's still living with your parents, but he too has suffered from your mother's ill treatment and your father's letting her get away with it. Perhaps communicate with him by phone or text or WhatsApp - or agree to meet up somewhere.
His treading on egg shells is a natural coping mechanism - it's possible that he will leave home over the next couple of years to study or just to get away from home and he simply wants to keep the peace until he can break away. Don't be in a hurry to write him off.
Can I ask if you take medication and/or have a therapist? These can be very helpful. Although OCD is a horrible thing to have it can be managed.
I don't know how much my own OCD is down to family problems - my father was an alcoholic - a decent man when sober, but that wasn't often! He got verbally abusive and physically violent when drunk, which was a lot - and though he had a very successful career in many ways, he felt undervalued and blamed his family. From early childhood we lived in fear of his outbursts and I think my OCD is due partly, at least, to that. A slap across the head could come out of the blue, but often rows went on for days.
Physical abuse is bad, but so is verbal abuse, and it can undermine you and make you feel worthless. That can make it difficult to make friends - it can make you feel as though you have nothing to offer, or that people will reject you. I think this could be behind your current isolation. I'm sure there are lots of people that would be happy to be your friend and would be patient with your mental problems - but it's difficult to put yourself out there!
This forum is helpful to me - lots of good people, lots of empathy, lots of information on how to deal with OCD.
Be careful with future sexual relationships - people that have been emotionally or physically abused often pick, or are picked by, abusers. It's as though we don't think we're worth anyone better, and abusers have a knack of homing in on potential victims. But there are plenty of decent people out there as well!
Thank you I really appreciate your comment, Yes i am currently on 20mg fluoxetine and 5mg prazosine( for sleeping I have night terrors/vivid dreams) .. I have noticed I had a 6-8 months where I was free of thoughts and then when stressors occur the ocd compulsions come up again. And He has talked about wanting to leave right after college and struggles with his own issues, it has just been hard for me to what feels like fighting a war with a narc parent while other family members would rather sit in silence and triangulation. I agree thats exactly why I have been isolating and my last partner was extremely similiar to my mother.. both narcissits. I was looking for the opposite of my father, someone I thought could be there to defend me. He was also a gemini (same as my mother) It was a very toxic relationship and got out on my own but the memories can be haunting. Do you have any advice what as to what helps you?
It's certainly true that OCD reacts to stress! I had a phase where I had such vivid dreams that I would be afraid to go to sleep and would purposely stay awake so I'd be extra tired and sleep more deeply. Perhaps a meditation app or sleeping aid of that sort could help - dreams are good in that they are the brain's way of sorting your emotional stuff out but a nasty dream can make you feel lousy the next day.
Having OCD can be very isolating in itself - partly because it stops you doing things like going out, but partly because it tries to force you in on yourself. Getting out of the house can help, whether it's a day out or a shopping trip or if you can't manage that, a walk down the road and back. Being among trees and flowers is good! As long as you don't overdo it! An absorbing hobby can help, like drawing - there's something quite meditative about drawing. It's something that can be done on your own, or join a class or a group. I've been doing calligraphy for many years, and really anything that makes you concentrate, if only for a while, can really calm your nerves.
Medication certainly helps but it's best used alongside therapy. There are some self-help books that can really be useful so you use CBT techniques by yourself. The 'Overcoming' range is good and there may be some titles to suit you - they have on on OCD, but also depression and childhood trauma etc.
The childhood and relationship trauma are things you perhaps need to work on and give yourself space to recover from. Don't search for someone to defend you - knights in shining armour are few, and generally to be avoided (they're generally patronizing, controlling and sexist) and quite honestly, it's better to learn to stand up for and defend yourself - much more rewarding! Someone that is supportive but not controlling, and who you actually like as well as being attracted to - and that old chestnut, a shared sense of humour - that's more like it! Though I'm not really the one who should be telling people what to do with relationships - my own track record is nothing to boast of!
Be kind to yourself, give yourself credit and praise for your successes and don't beat yourself up about things you get wrong. And if possible, keep in touch with your brother.
wow the patronizing, controlling, and sexist was spot on... It was a good thing I learned my lesson and changed what I was truly looking for.. and now I have an incredibly supportive partner who really is my best friend. But now my ocd and my anxious attachment is directed towards him so I find myself being incredibly upset about my past and how I truly did get treated like shit for years.. and realize it was not my fault and I did not deserve that. My therapist said anger and sadness is normal for cptsd survivors but it is hard to not almost turn it on myself (which i think is the ocd) and its crippling. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
you should talk to your doctors. Seems fluoxetine dose has opportunity to go up. This in parallel to therapy could help.
This forum is very useful and helpful as they are people with OCD related.I experienced physical and verbal abuse too which I would say triggered my OCD in a way and made it worse.
If you are a Christian, finding a place of worship could be a family to you.
Get help medically too(therapy, medication etc) and I am taking a step to get one as well and not ashamed.
I pray that God will come through for us all and make us whole again.
I hope this helps
Yes i am catholic but I grew up in a strict religious "morally" right house, so over the years I have strayed away but I still keep a relationship to god. I am on 20mg fluoxetine and 5mg prazosin but it really doesn't help keep the thoughts away at all. Any suggestions for medication or therapys?
You could try another meds
Also, there are some scriptural verses that helps with our thoughts e.g Phil 4:8, 2 corin 10:5 etc.
Please feel free to chat me up
Can definitely relate! Feel free to message me if u ever want a chat 🙂
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