This OCD nonsense is getting very tiring. I’m getting worse by the day. The urge to hurt myself is worse, and I’m at a point where I don’t care and don’t want to do this everyday. I look at myself at such a failure I am.
I can’t even touch certain areas on myself for fear of contamination. It’s getting hard living in my own body. Idk what to do. I’m on Wellbutrin, but the crap isn’t working. I know it’s not specifically for OCD, but I was hoping it’d help the depression. I can’t even have coffee without going into a full blown panic attack.
I want this to stop.
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Celestialbird
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I'm so sorry you're in such a scary place right now. It sucks to feel so hopeless and uncomfortable with yourself. It sounds like you are aware that the Wellbutrin is not working for you, not only OCD-wise but also depression-wise. Wellbutrin can have that effect on some people of increasing anxiety. My anxiety went sky-high when I tried Wellbutrin. Now you know that it is not the drug for you, and the next step is to titrate off of it and on to a different drug. Also you know to stay away from caffeine as long as you are on the Wellbutrin. It's not your fault that the Wellbutrin is triggering increased anxiety in you. Some people have depression that's closely linked with anxiety. Sounds like you are one of them.
Do you have a psychiatrist or therapist or primary care doctor who can help you with this next step? It's important that you have some healthcare professional to monitor you during this medication switch. I know it's hard to move forward, but you have to make a phone call and make an appointment to see someone very soon.
If you continue to have these intrusive thoughts of hurting yourself, you can always go to the emergency room and sign yourself in for a voluntary 72-hour psychiatric hold. Sometimes just putting yourself in the hospital when you don't feel safe around yourself can be a relief. And sometimes the hospital psychiatrists are excellent at looking over your medication history and figuring out the next medication for you to try.
No matter what route you decide to go, the important thing is to take a step toward getting your mind back in a better place. You know a fix won't happen overnight, but the important thing is that you have realized that the current situation is not working. Having that realization is the first step in making a change for the better. Hang in there. It's not going to be easy-peasy, but eventually you will get to a more comfortable way of existing in the world.
I am so sorry you are in this place- I've been there as well. I know you feel like a failure now, but you are so strong for living with this. Sending a hug
I know how hard it is. I really do and I know the pain you feel. I would definitely call my doctor to let them know what was going on and find a therapist that specialized in OCD/anxiety.
It sounds like maybe the medicine isn't working for you? When the medicine is working it tones down the anxiety associated with OCD, but doesn't get rid of the thoughts. That's where the therapy comes in. A therapist can help you develop better coping strategies. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) are all used to help deal with OCD.
Also, I know that dealing with OCD can make us feel like failures, but it is not true. OCD is a liar and a bully. It tells us the worst things about ourselves. However, the truth of the matter is that you have a mental condition (and one that can be treated!). You wouldn't call someone with a heart problem a "failure" because they couldn't run a marathon. Why would it be any different for someone with a chemical imbalance in their brain?
One last thing. I know how lonely it can feel having OCD, but know that you're not alone and that you're not hopeless. The good news is that there are literally millions of people out there who want and can help. It is possible to live a great a fulfilling life with OCD. Myself and plenty of others on this site are proof of that.
I truly wish you the peace you deserve my friend. God bless you.
Beautiful advice from IStillHaveHope and avoidingthebadthings. Please know you are not alone and many of us have been in your shoes. When you get a minute, please check in and let us know how you're doing. Sending positive and healthy vibes your way.
Luvox seems to be used more for OCD than Wellbutrin. Are there things you can do to keep yourself busy and occupied. My wife developed severe OCD and her sister has OCD with a focus on politics preoccupation with our society is coming to an end, but since her sister has gotten a job and spends hours working on that, the worry about other stuff is less. Interestingly she works for me and I have to tell her, work is over so don't worry about x or y.
We all have our logical and emotional but you want to work on shifting worry into addressing issues and problems such as taking precautions to address reasonable hazards.
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