OCD :handshake: PTSD

[lerasofia]

I have lived with intrusive thoughts all my life, which I had never spoken of until right now.

I have managed to keep a normal life: I went through high school and college, lead a decently successful career, and have a good circle of friends and a very loving relationship.

However, at the same time, I have experienced thoughts such as the temptation to jump in front of cars, jump off balconies, not be able to use public restrooms to the point where I could no longer hold it, fear of doorknobs, extremely invasive questions to my partner, and more.

Last year, I was drugged and kidnapped for human trafficking. Although I got away within a few hours, the PTSD, depression, and anxiety from the accident exacerbated my OCD symptoms to a level I had not experienced before. Today, I was finally diagnosed with OCD. For the first time, I don't feel like I'm crazy; there is a reason my brain works like this.

I am feeling so many things. I feel angry I hadn't shared any of these thoughts before, scared that I'll be judged, relieved that there's a reason I feel this way, and terrified at what a life without intrusive thoughts and my OCD ticks would look like. It has occupied at least 25% of my brain power since before I can remember. Who am I without it? Do I even know myself? Has anyone else experienced this?

[aparente001]

Congratulations on getting a clear diagnosis, and on sharing your story here. I hope that whatever avenue you pursue (medications and/or therapy) will be helpful for you.

[avoidingthebadthings]

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences and glad to hear you are on the way to getting help for the OCD. Yes, after receiving new diagnoses, whether physical or mental, I usually go through plenty of anxiety about what this means for my life as I know it and extensive worry about how this will change my personality.

After the initial anxiety dies down (there's no timetable for this--it just fades over time as my mind and body get over the shock of change), I realize I'm still the same in fundamental ways. It may seem as though medication and therapy will change your personality permanently, but the essential "you" will still be there. Externally you may become more comfortable out in the world, and that will be good! Internally, you won't lose your "self." If anything, your "self" will feel more comfortable with itself.

There's so much fear that lies behind OCD stuff. Dealing with that fear will help you enjoy your "self" more. It's very hard to believe at the beginning of learning to handle OCD, but you are going to learn helpful things and it will be an incremental process. It's worth it to move towards helping your mind. It's scary, but it's always worth it. And you are young too, which is great. You will move along with therapy and medication, and your life will be the better for it.

Take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Rest when you need to rest. Your mind has been through a lot, but it is resilient. Make sure to get plenty of sleep to recharge your brain and body as it heals.

[Mcfly64]

You are a very strong person lerasofia. That must have been a very traumatic experience. Show yourself some compassion because you truly deserve it. All of us on here have some form of ocd and will always be here to support you. Take care.

[lerasofia in reply to Mcfly64]

Thank you for your kind words

[PinkSpear4]

lerasofa Everyone Has OCD or Intrusive Thoughts only when things become Excess then they interfere with a Persons Life This what a Doctor who lived in house when 19 Told me That Why Moderation is the Key!

[gorddownie]

Sending love and support!! OCD is 50% of my brain.

[lerasofia]

Ditto! Thank you and likewise