Never a break it seems

[mister_safety]

For my driving obsessions, I struggle with this feeling like someone would always be in some blind spot. I suddenly became very aware of the front blind spot where your hood covers a certain part of the road, which depends on how big it is. I had never thought about this my whole life but suddenly it was all I could think about. Of course, that shouldn't matter since you scan the road ahead as you go. But for me, if I was stopped at a stop sign or intersection, and had to look both ways before turning, I was afraid that someone would be beneath my hood and line of sight somehow in the two seconds I looked away.

The good news in all of this is that I am driving again. Not every day, but for the first time in a year I just drove five days in a row. I would've driven again yesterday but my car wouldn't start. Anyway, over the past couple months I started to have this same feeling that someone would be in the blind spot, except that this was happening on simple turns, like turning right after a stop sign or turning into a parking lot.

Of course, I always checked my blind spots when changing lanes, merging onto free ways (another lane change), reversing, or moving onto the street when parked by a curb or something, but I can never remember checking blind spots when making a turn. Like if I was driving down the road and then had to turn into a parking lot or business. I don't remember checking. I just signaled and made the turn.

So I looked up blind spot guidelines and most of them say to do this, so now I'm afraid I've been driving wrong my whole life. My confidence has taken a hit because I don't remember ever being taught to check blind spots on turns. So this has created two problems:

1. I'm suddenly afraid that I've been a terrible driver all my life and maybe already ran someone over somehow. This is especially frustrating because I never had the "past" driving obsessions too badly wherein some people are focused on whether or not they ran someone over in the past and didn't know, which is more of a real-event sub type. Well now I have that to add on to the list of things to feel guilty about. Of course, it's not possible to review every turn I've ever done. This should help in theory because there's no compulsion, but yet I just have this growing sense like "this will bother me forever. I'm fucked."

2. I've already incorporated the blind spot checking on these turns into my driving, but it's been hard, mostly because it feels excessive and sometimes because it's happening so quickly my brain doesn't accept that anyone isn't there, which leads to me feeling like I had never done it at all. However, I suppose this is no different than my other driving problems where I just have to check once and then accept that I did it and ignore the doubt.

[MothFir]

I have had a few driving obsessions but they have never been my main theme. However I can fully appreciate your struggle because it's the same as most OCD -- you get focused on the possibility of one awful thing happening, and then your brain finds all sorts of "evidence" that this one thing has happened or will happen, and then it makes you feel as if it's all your fault. If your obsession is based on a sliver of reality, every now and then you will stumble upon a terrifying bit of information that seems to validate the OCD and erode all the insight into the disorder that you thought you had.

This latest development is like all your other encounters with OCD. You will not be "bothered forever" and you are not really "f-ed." It may take some to get a handle on it, but use the insight you already have to realize that OCD is behind all the feelings of anxiety and panic. Nothing in reality has changed since you read about checking blind spots while turning, except your OCD has found something else for you to latch onto, if you let it. The less credibility you give the obsession and the less you engage with it, the faster it will lose its power over you.

Regarding the actual content, I'll just say that I have been driving for more than 30 years and I have never checked my rear/side blind spots while turning, and I don't think I've ridden with anyone who does. It does seem excessive and actually a little dangerous -- checking what's behind or to the side takes away time that you could be checking for other turning cars, pedestrians in crosswalks, or other hazards that are actually in your path of travel. The only exception I can think of is if you are turning across a bike lane, in which case checking the blind spot is already intuitive. I suspect you have actually always been one of the safest drivers on the road.

For what it's worth, I once worked with someone who was terrible about not checking blind spots when changing lanes and merging. Many times I was sure our car was going to sideswipe someone or enrage another driver to the point that they would start shooting at us. When I was forced to be her passenger, I quickly learned to pay attention as if I was the one driving so as to ward off catastrophes. Early on, when we did cause some near misses, there was no doubt about it. There was honking, screeching tires, and people yelling and "gesturing" at us. If you actually had a habit of running down people or causing accidents, you'd know it without question.

Good luck battling this latest development, and remember your real problem is always OCD, not the scenarios it paints for you.

[mister_safety in reply to MothFir]

Thanks for the reply. I've actually been in two accidents when I was a younger driver, but I never had much issue getting behind the wheel after those accidents compared to the problems I have now, which highlights the power of OCD.