Trigger Warning. POCD and checking.

[Sharing123]

I have been diagnosed with OCD, and one of the most difficult hurdles has been pocd. While holding my niece, I was checking to see where my hands were, and perhaps moved my hand or finger to her private area just to make sure my hands weren't there previously. By doing this checking, do you think I was being inappropriate? Does anyone else have any advice for me? I understand I may be seeking reassurance, but I'm feeling pretty terrible about this.

[mind-full]

I don't think you're being inappropriate at all.

In the arms of a loving family member, your niece is safe no matter where your hands are. Hold her confidently, placing each hand where they provide the most support. If you're uncomfortable for any reason, simply correct it.

You're not being inappropriate, but you are being very compulsive. If you continue ruminating, reenacting, and checking to prove your obsessive thoughts wrong, you'll never overcome the anxiety. You risk (in my opinion) the worst compulsion of all: avoidance.

Remember that you have a fear of touching your niece inappropriately. This tells me you're a loving member of her family, and I sympathize with you for doubting yourself.

When my POCD is triggered, I ask it to leave the room. It's not welcome. You could say:

"Please leave. I'm with my niece."

Here's a different post I responded to addressing the hurdles and hardships of POCD. I hope you find the thread helpful:

healthunlocked.com/my-ocd/p...

Best wishes.

[Sharing123 in reply to mind-full]

Thank you for your reply, it helped me to move beyond this, at least for now. Onward and upward!

[mind-full in reply to Sharing123]

Onward and upward.

[IStillHaveHope]

I'm really sorry you're having a difficult time now. I really am.

I do think you're seeking reassurance though. OCD is tricky. It tells us that "this" worry is different. It makes you think, "This isn't really an OCD thought and this thought could really matter. I'd better find out right now!". For me I've found that it's usually OCD if I have to find out immediately. If I have a thought like that I wait before doing anything about it for as long as I can.

People who have OCD are trying to eliminate risk. We're trying to make sure a risk has a 0% chance of happening, which is impossible in the real world. What's worked for me is saying, "Okay I feel like I need to do something about this thought. Is it possible that this thought matters, or is it more possible that I have OCD and this thought doesn't really matter?". If I feel it's more likely OCD I then say, "I have to take the risk that this is just OCD and everything is fine". It's taken a while, but I think I'm better at discerning between real issues and OCD issues and it has made them less intense.

I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear. I know how hard it is and how desperate it feels to want to know if you did something wrong or not. We need to sit with that worry though. Giving in only feeds it. The good news is that you don't need to be perfect. Simply delaying our compulsions for a few minutes or seconds helps. Overtime we can stretch them out to days or months or to where they don't matter at all.

If you haven't, find a doctor you can trust and be honest with them about what you're feeling. I know things started to change for me once I was honest with my doctor. Also, try and find a therapist who specializes in OCD. They can help you develop the techniques I'm talking about. None of this is easy or fast though. However, there are tons of people who can (and want to) help support you.

I hope you find the peace you deserve friend. God bless you.

[Sharing123 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It's really helpful people take the time out of their day to try to help, and I think your tips will be helpful. So, thanks!

[Mentalanxiety]

You only check because you had fear of it. You are just a women, family member at that struggling with ocd that cares for your niece. Trust me, someone that wants to maliciously hurt a child wouldn't be concerned of measuring diistance and seeking self reassurance or reassurance from the internet. You care, you fear, you analyze you overthink. It's okay, my advice however is try to not try to seek reassurance with your self (I know its difficult) but this causes your ocd thoughts to try to fight back and make you doubt yourself. OCD is called the doubting disease. I know plenty of family members who grab babies by the front diaper part, when I was younger like 4-5 my aunt used to put me my diaper cream (in front) had my aunt had ocd back then that would have been very triggering but she was the only female in my household and I had severe rash down there, even if my aunt would have had intrusive thoughts I wouldnt care bc ultimately those are fears and my aunt didn't hurt me all she wanted me was for me to get rid of rash. I dont think my aunt had ocd but just putting it into perspective as the niece.

[Sharing123 in reply to Mentalanxiety]

Thank you for your reply. It's helpful.

[aparente001]

I wonder if there are some coping mechanisms you could use for support? Just brainstorming here:share your concern with one or both of your niece's parents

share with your medical/mental health provider(s)

ask that a trusted friend/family member be present when you are holding your niece

plan a program of activities to do with your niece, to keep both of you busy

have a stroller handy, to plop her into if you start to feel uncomfortable

experiment with different holding positions, which would prevent a stray hand from wandering where you don't want it to if you become absent-minded

find ways of interacting with her which don't involve holding her

if you need to hold her (e.g. to help her get a burp out), loosely swaddle her in a lightweight receiving blanket (any square of cloth will do, lay it out like a diamond and fold the top corner down before you start)

Wishing you all the best.

[Mcfly64]

Mind-full and Istillhavehope have given you great advice