I have been thinking a lot about OCD’s effect on my life. It’s something I’ve lived with as long as I can remember and has had a profound effect on all of me. From my mannerisms to the way I approach life; OCD has been an ever-present influence.
As I approach the very top of my exposure hierarchy, I find myself reflecting on something my therapist said in our last session. He said that everything is a risk and the key is not avoiding the risk, but living despite it.
That hit me as the truest statement I’ve heard in a long time. OCD has made my world small my whole life because it made risk feel intolerable or too dangerous. My rituals felt like they would keep me safe, but all they did was reinforce the idea that everything was a five-alarm fire which must be dealt with immediately. I stopped taking any risks to keep safe, but I also stopped living life. As I stand on the precipice of taking more risks than I probably ever have and fully reclaiming my life I realize that life isn’t binary 1-all the risk and 0-completely safe, but all varying degrees of risk which I can trust myself to handle no matter the outcome. Yes, even the five-alarm fires.
Let’s work on reclaiming our lives and taking some values-driven risks together. 🌼
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