OCD with having a crush/asking someone to hangout

[outtasnacks97]

It's been a while since ive posted on here and the past few days have made me wanna reach out again and speak my mind (without reassurance of course).

So I first noticed i suffered from OCD a few years during a somewhat toxic relationship I was in when I noticed all my time was focused on ruminating and trying doing compulsions to figure things out with thinking. That resulted in a pretty traumatic experience with not being able to sleep for days, my anxiety level taking over about 95% of my day and the start of medication. Fast forward two years later with non-linear recovery with ups and downs, I managed to get diagnosed with OCD in October 2021 which really saved me just finding out what had taken me over for so long.

Anyways it has made every experience ive had with wanting to meet someone really hard once urges to ruminate and intrusive thoughts come in. I've been working with my therapist who specializes in OCD a ton and have made a lot of progress that I am very pleased with, but OCD still manages to squirm it's way in even when im feeling at my best. For the first time in a while I feel comfortable to ask someone out that I have a crush on who might be interested in me too (which ive never really done before do to anxiety/self doubt etc.) But once I decided that I wanted to reach out to this person I started getting flashbacks of the terrible times/all the time I gave into rumination before being diagnosed, intrusive thoughts about my intentions (which aren't terrible, just annoying at the most), and urges to seek reassurance from others, ritualize thoughts, and playback times that ive talked to this person and to predict how it will go like. I still really don't know this person and all my tendencies to obsess are just really overbearing sometimes. So far everything has been pretty manageable in my current state im in, just really hard to see through it and put myself out there while my OCD traits are shooting me down. Im trying not to be hard hard on myself because this is the one of the first times ive decided to step out of my comfort zone since really learning about myself and how OCD works with me. I know that time of relaxation will come, just eager to speak about my experiences!