Do I have OCD?

[mountainsky]

Hi all! I am happy to have come across this group. I have never seen a therapist nor have been diagnosed with any mental illness but over the past year, I've been growing increasingly concerned about myself.

I am 22 years old and recently started graduate school as well as joining the military this past year. With these new opportunities and a hectic schedule, I feel like my compulsion is at an all-time high. Every day I am constantly putting myself on a tight schedule that specifies when I will train and work when I will eat, and when I will study. I plan my weeks out in advance and even have the things I want to accomplish written down each month for the next few years.

What I have realized is that I always need to feel in control. The thing is that when there is any minor inconvenience or my schedule doesn't go as planned I completely break down and begin feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

I feel like I need to be constantly doing something and I feel guilty when I have a moment to just sit down. When I do take a break I feel like I'm losing time and that I'm not living up to the highest of standards.

On days that I get backtracked and don't schedule ahead of time, I feel completely out of it. I will wake up and find myself laying in bed overthinking all day because I didn't pre-plan what I have to do.

My obsession with perfection is also apparent in how I clean my apartment and organize my things. My closet always needs to be in color order, and everything needs to be put in place before I can leave the house. When I'm in a rush and cant clean in time, I feel horrible the whole day and will constantly think about the mess, as little as it is until it is clean.

I keep debating if these habits and traits of mine are in a way something good? Could it be possible that I am just overanalyzing the fact that I am goal-driven and organized and I'm simply just stressed out? Or is this beyond that?

I would appreciate any thoughts or helpful tips anyone might have with dealing with my thoughts and behaviors!

[Dolphin_08]

Hi Mountainsky!

Thanks for sharing, I’m sorry to hear about what you have been going through.

It does sound like there may be a problem, however I am not entirely sure. I know that it may seem daunting, but I would highly recommend going to see a doctor or a therapist and get their opinion. Once you know what the issue is, you can then get over it better.

[Hidden in reply to Dolphin_08]

Hi (both of you?)

I think that I agree with Dolphin - I think that there almost assuredly is an issue here, not necessarily a very big one, but I think that there is one.

From reading and then re-reading it again, I'm not entirely sure that it's OCD. Maybe it's perfectionism? Perfectionists are high achievers, like a lot of control (maybe a lot a lot? Not 100% certain), and are usually pretty goal-oriented I think.

Like Dolphin said, I think... that I also agree that you should probably try to talk to a professional about it. (Perfectionism is a personality trait by the way, in case or if this is also you. The trait by itself is not actually 100% a problem (I think?), but it can lead to problems later on in life - much like you seem to be describing now.)

[blueturtle28]

Hi mountain sky....I am not a therapist. I have had ocd for quite some time and have learned a great deal about this disorder. First of all, you sound very ambitious! You have the world at your doorstep. However, it seems as though the perfectionistic tendencies that you talk about can eventually be an issue. It is best to see a therapist...one who very aware of ocd. The sooner you get help the quicker you can deal with the issue before IT takes control. What you have said about your behaviors is unclear if it is ocd. Best wishes!

[blueturtle28]

Hi again....a resource you could use is NOCD. Look it up online. It is suppose to be a great service. Betsy (blueturtle28)

[pumpkinbard0503]

Whether or not it is OCD (a conversation between you and a psychiatrist that I think would be a very helpful ) I definitely relate to both the planning/tasks and perfectionism. A major part of my own therapy journey has been living in the moment rather than obsessing over controlling to future. It’s awesome to have goals, and great to be organized, but missed deadlines or tasks that fall behind can become so draining. One thing that helps me is asking myself what I need in the moment, whether that is a physical/emotional/social need. Completing tasks in the now, rather than always actively proactively performing a routine, often helps me feel more in control of myself and peaceful about what I can’t control.

[Bigbrighteyes96]

Hi mountainsky, don't know for sure if it is OCD, but it does sound like a lot of pressure and I can relate with the perfectionism. I feel the need to keep my clothes looking "perfect" so I hardly wear them or I am extra careful if I do wear them and I cannot relax until I take them off again. It also annoy's/upset me if some of my items get moved so they are not lined up "perfectly straight". I know its silly and not that important. Its just like an urge I have to do.