Reassurance, or not?

[sealonging]

I'm trying to determine whether or not certain practices are reassurance or not. I feel like I would call them reassuring, but not sure if they count as reassurance in the OCD sense.

Relationship OCD is one of my themes, and sometimes I feel like I avoid my wife even when we're at home together because I fear that looking at her or being near her will provoke intrusive thoughts questioning my feelings for her. So sometimes I feel guilty about this, and make an effort to be close to her, or touch her more, to reassure her of my love and commitment to her. But I wondered if this would be reassurance, even though it's not myself I'm trying to reassure? Would it still have that effect on the OCD?

Secondly, in moments when the intrusive thoughts don't come and I feel my full self, untroubled by these worries, I like to be close to her and snuggle with her and enjoy the positive feelings that this brings. Would that be counted reassurance?

And finally, sometimes when I'm feeling anxious, and there's no specific OCD theme arising in my mind, but I still feel on edge and jittery and fearful that something bad will happen or the OCD thoughts will start any moment, I tell myself in my mind, it's okay, nothing bad is happening, you're completely safe. Is this reassurance? I am technically reassuring myself in an attempt to counter the anxiety, but there's no explicit OCD aspect that I'm aware of.

What do you all think? Thanks!

[Phoenyx]

Hi again Sealonging. From what I’ve read about reassurance and of course my personal experience, from all the mentioned by you examples, only the last one is reassurance.

[EleanorRose]

I am writing from my own viewpoint as someone who has OCD and has had lots of therapy for it. Doesn't mean I am right, just my personal thoughts. Firstly, I wonder if this whole post is reassurance seeking? That's not in anyway a criticism, just a thought I had. I have many times fallen into the trap of reassurance seeking.

Back to your three things, I don't think the second one is anything at all.

The final one, I've thought about this a bit and I don't think that is reassurance seeking. Yes there is an element of "reassurance" but its not related to a specific thought. I also think it is sometimes helpful to remind ourselves that we are safe, we've had similar thoughts and feelings before and nothing bad has happened.

The first one, I know you're saying it's to reassure her and not you, but are you sure? Does it reassure her or does she understand your OCD and therefore it serves a purpose to make you feel better about it?

Do you only 'reassure' her when you're feeling OK or do you do it regardless of how you're feeling?

You don't have to tell me the answers if you don't want to, just maybe something to think about yourself.

Take care,

Eleanor Rose