HOCD relapse. Where do I go from here?

[Yellowlady56]

I was recently broken up with by my bf, I’m f21. I haven’t had a relapse or bad cycle of my OCD for a while now. But out of nowhere after being dumped my HOCD will not stop. I’m either thinking of missing him or imagining myself with a woman. And it makes me feel like I don’t even know what I want anymore. I have been trying to do exposures but my level of anxiety hasn’t changed. It’s like I actually am a lesbian now, and that I want it. And I don’t understand why. Where do I go from here to get through this relapse. Please help

[Mcfly64]

Are you seeing your psychologist?

[Yellowlady56 in reply to Mcfly64]

I “graduated” about 6 months ago. But I’m starting weekly sessions again in this week. I figured with all the stress it would be good to be put back onto the right path!

[Mcfly64 in reply to Yellowlady56]

That’s good. Have you seen them before?

[Sallyskins]

Any relationship break up, particularly if you've been dumped, is going to leave you feeling low and with your self esteem at rock bottom. Be gentle with yourself for a bit, and give yourself a chance to heal from it.

It's hardly surprising if you don't know at the moment just what you want. Try not to make hard decisions right now, and just let your feelings settle down. Then how you really feel will emerge.

It's one of the things about OCD that it makes its presence felt just when we're feeling lousy or when we're not feeling good about ourselves. It's like an opportunist that waits for a weak spot and then jumps in, just when we could do without it most. Try not to fight the feelings, just accept them, acknowledge them and get on with other things. The OCD feelings and thoughts will go in due course, and you will better know what you really do want.

I can't say, and it isn't for me to say, whether or not you have real lesbian feelings. But it's not something you have to decide on right now. At the moment it may feel as though someone has pulled a rug out from under you, and that has left you disorientated and hardly knowing who you are and which way is up.

Try to do things that make you feel good, take things easy, get creative. I know it sounds like a cliche, but these things can help.