Relationships / Friendships

Hi,

after some advice on healthy relationships, or at least how to maintain them, I’ve recently had two important friendships to me breakdown due to my OCD, an event triggered my responsibility harm obsessions a few weeks ago I had a huge breakdown, couldn’t leave the house etc etc. It was a final straw to a friend of me not going to do something with them, I let them know, cancelled on them as soon as I could (was 24 hours before) apologised, explained. I’m just finding that my OCD is really isolating me and no matter how much I explain what it’s like, I can see how to other people it’s just frustrating/annoying. Any tips or anything that people have found helpful for situations similar or surrounding friendships /relationships.

[Sallyskins]

I've found OCD a really isolating condition too. It's not an easy condition to explain to other people - they just don't get it! I've found my own social circle shrink - if it's difficult to go out and do things, then you don't get the chance to socialize.

Having said that, I do have some good friends and family who are patient, and if they don't get what it's like to have OCD, at least they are patient!

But that doesn't solve the problem of not being able to go out and about like 'normal' people. It does help to have an interest that forces you to go out and mix with other people. I'm involved in local politics, and meetings have continued online during lockdown.

I'm really sorry that you've had friends bail on you - it happened to me a few years ago. This friend got quite impatient with my OCD, though she had mental health problems herself. But she has a habit of breaking off friendships - she broke with other friends while I knew her, and no doubt has made and broken friendships since.

So don't go blaming yourself. If it was a physical disability it would be more obvious and people would be more patient. Think of it as their loss, rather than yours.

Having OCD does knock your confidence as well - I'm often reluctant to get in touch with people because I feel like I'm inflicting myself on them.

If only I knew how to help more practically - I know how the isolation can get to you. Is there something you could volunteer for, that wouldn't involve too much responsibility (so if you couldn't get there you wouldn't be letting anyone down)?

But please don't think you're alone with this. It's hurtful to have someone break off a friendship. But they might need a good friend themselves some day.

[Hidden in reply to Sallyskins]

Thank you for this reply! Even knowing that it’s not just me who’s had this makes me feel slightly less like it’s my fault! Xx

[Sallyskins in reply to Hidden]

Don't think it's all your fault! I know how it feels to be lonely myself.

[alexandraisobsessed IOCDF Advocate]

Hey Dragonfly!

Navigating friendships with OCD can be so tricky and I relate so much to what you're going through.

I often struggle with going out and doing things as "normal" people would. Not everyone understands or is willing to understand what it's like to live with OCD. It's so hard sometimes.

I've found that something that helps is being open about how I'm feeling more often. That doesn't mean telling everyone the content of my obsessions or giving them a status update every day. It looks more like communicating and reaching out to ask for support when I'm struggling. This way, if I feel worse and need to adjust plans no one is blindsided or feels left out because they already know I've been struggling.

I also make the biggest effort I can to live up to commitments. I know that's easier said than done and there are times when we just can't! However, people are much more willing to give grace when they are aware that you always make your best effort.

I really hope you get to feeling better and I'm glad you reached out here. You are not alone!