Google OCD

[Goby90]

Hello community.

I have been having OCD ever since I can remember. It just became my coping mechanism for everything.

I had a relatively unstable youth.

First of all, my parents had both a very unstable youth, so raising a difficult child like myself surely wasn't easy. They did do their best and I cannot blame them, but my dad was often depressed and quiet, while my mum was more angry and impatient.

At school I was always the odd one out. If not bullied, I was ignored.

At work, I was always bullied or not taken seriously. I was just always the youngest and the only female engineer and I had a tendency to burst out in tears.

But I always knew that when I am back home, I can do my cleaning rituals and life would be good again. I can start over, so to say. Unfortunately, the cleaning routine easily takes 2 hours and I kinda expect it to happen the next day again.

Currently, I work as a freelancer and I am happy to not having to meet any people. But because of this, I developed "google ocd".

Basically what I do is: I search up brands. I need to know all the locations worldwide. I need to know how and where they distribute their products. I need to just everything about the company. I spend so so much time on this on a daily basis.

And after my search, I clean myself, the house, I was everything in the closet, I throw things out, I hit myself on head and arms and only then can I sleep.

I just don"t know what to do anymore.

I dont want anyone to deal with something like this, but I also want to know I am not the only one

[Hidden]

Sorry you are going through all these rituals and I know you probably want reassurance that you are not the only one. I have different themes to you but are equally as distressing and exhausting. I would just like to tell you about the OCD stories on you tube. They help me, there are hundreds of videos of peoples ocd stories which can give comfort and make you realise you are not alone. Also Mark Freeman on Instagram/you tube is an ex sufferer of OCD he gives hope that it is possible to overcome it. Hope this helps. X

[Mcfly64]

Are you getting any help?

[OCDneedshelp]

Hi Goby, sorry to hear you are going through this. But please know that there are ways to help yourself. As another poster asked, are you able to get help for your compulsions, especially the ones driving you to physically hurt yourself. No one should have to live with such urges. Please please please seek help if you are able. The other compulsions, from internet use to cleaning can also be dealt with but the biggest thing is finding a way to cease hurting yourself.