Hi, everyone! I am new here. I suffer from OCD that attacks my faith and specifically my relationship with God. I am in a loving relationship that we have discussed marriage and engagement, and I have been super excited about it!! I scroll through Facebook and see a video of 3 nuns doing the cup song, and I find the thought running through my head “Does God want me to be a nun?” My OCD has caused me to seek out reassurance in the forms of Google searching anything and everything to figure this out. I fear that, if I do not become a nun, God will hate me and never love me again. It’s a thought I have often when I do something, label it a mortal sin, and then scramble to find a parish offering confession.
My OCD comes like a thief in the night. I can perfectly at peace and in love, and then it’s shattered by a passing thought that I latch onto for hours, days, and even weeks at a time.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have been avoiding therapy because I wanted to join the military, and I knew that any trace of emotional disturbance would be cause for exclusion from serving my country. I have since, made peace with the fact that this is not my calling.
I have been looking for some sort of peace with this debilitating mental condition. I have had some form of OCD since I was 10 years old.
I am going to see my beloved this weekend, and I am worried about this new thought that has come into my head. We have discussed so much and gone through some tough times together. I want my OCD to stop attacking the things I love most: I want to not have to choose between faith and love.