Real Event OCD, struggling

I'm having a really hard time with this. I feel so lonely. I'm trying so hard to cut off the compulsion to google and read up on the topic, but not doing so causes me immense anxiety and makes me feel alone, which makes me feel like an even more terrible person. I desperately feel the need to confess, but I know that's a compulsion. It's the only one I've resisted thus far. I'm terrified of seeing a therapist. I know in my heart what my values are, but this is making it so hard for me to think clearly. I feel like I've just been going through the motions in life lately, instead of actually living, and I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of talking to someone and I'm afraid of not doing so. I don't know what I'm asking, I guess I just needed to vent. If anyone has any tips for how to get through a very, very difficult patch, please let me know.

[DREAMING99]

Hello hopefulsunny. I too had a very, very hard time here recently. Everything, and I mean every single thing felt so heavy and overwhelming. I had to go see my provider. She prescribed some things that have definitely helped balance me back out enough that I don’t feel as dark as I did at that time. I also implemented some self help practices that helped me leave that place. Chair yoga (several classes on good old YouTube), meditating, with specific focus on breath work, reading, resting a lot, eating well, cancelling all my appointments, limiting my time with things/people that don’t make me feel the best, and lastly, although I hate having to take pills, I had to take pills to help everything calm down… I do hope that you are feeling better, but I sincerely understand how hard this is, so if you’re not then, I understand and I support you virtually. Happy to listen more, or just talk with you. Best

[Hidden in reply to DREAMING99]

Thank you so much for replying and you’re virtual support. It truly means so much. I’m sorry to hear you were having a difficult time but I’m glad you’re feeling better. I was thinking of looking into medication as well but I have never taken any kind of anti-depressant and am kind of scared, as I know some people tend to feel worse at the beginning of taking medication. Hope there are better days for the both of us. 🤍

[DREAMING99 in reply to Hidden]

Hey again…I understand how you feel about medicines. I’ve had a really hard time staying on anything. Partly because of my anxiety, partly because I just hate taking pills, partly because I’ve experienced such horrible side effects trying to adjust… it’s definitely a process trying to find what may work best for you. I’ve tried several different antidepressants, many doses. I hate it… but for now I’m on a small dose of Lexapro and it’s only been about 2 weeks but so far so good… I’ve promised myself that I’m not going to let my mind run me ragged about taking it, and eventually quit. I desperately need the help. : ( have you tried/considered CBD oil?

[BlueB21]

Hey hopefulsunny, I resonate with so much of what you said - I almost posted a very similar question today. Real Event OCD (for me and it sounds like for you as well) feels like the most gripping subset - there's something about the trigger being a real deal thing that just makes it feel that much more undeniable. It sounds like you really could use a therapist or support group - though I know it's tough, as you said (and as I'm experiencing as well as I'm seeing a new OCD therapist next week) to imagine being in a room with someone and saying these things you find so abhorrent. You could start small with the therapist, work your way into the larger topics. On the IOCDF website they have an amazing section where you can find therapists and support groups in your area.

Also, I second Dreaming99's CBD question, I personally have taken it and it helps with anxiety in general, and it might be worth a shot for you too. Lastly, check out OCD recovery's youtube videos and OCD stories podcast. There's some really good voices from those sources that can help guide you, too!

Sorry for my rambling, I'm also here to listen or talk!

[Hidden in reply to BlueB21]

Thank you!!

[222purple]

this is classic OCD! Among other things, I too suffer from Real Event OCD. I would highly recommend to see a therapist. I would also suggest to follow Shannon Shy on facebook. remember, OCD is very treatable and you will get better!

[Hidden in reply to 222purple]

Thank you!

[Sallyskins]

It's such a fluctuating condition, and we will have bad patches with it. But there will also be good patches, where we manage pretty well!

Having OCD can be lonely. It can put us off socializing because we know our behaviour is a little unusual, and it can impact on relationships with friends and family. And it's hard for other people to understand OCD if they haven't got it themselves.

I've had bad spells where I've been hardly able to move from the sofa, unable to concentrate on anything, or make the slightest decision. But it can and does get better.

Be gentle on yourself. Don't expect too much from yourself while you're like this. And don't beat yourself up. Just do what you can manage, and tempt yourself with things you enjoy. Try to eat sensibly if you can.

Exercise can help, if you can manage it. I don't mean going to the gym, but just going out for a walk somewhere nice. It can blow a few cobwebs away.

I'm on antidepressants for OCD, and I have a prescription for promethazine, which is not to be taken regularly, but just occasionally when I'm feeling particularly stressed. It's actually an antihistamine that is used to treat allergies such as hay fever, but as one of the side effects is that it calms you down, it can also be prescribed for this.

I've also been prescribed a low dose of an antipsychotic called aripiprazole, which boosts the effects of the antidepressant I take. I've found it helpful as it makes me feel more like the old me. It's made colours regain their brightness, so to speak. Perhaps ask your doctor about this.

Having OCD is a struggle, but you will get over this bad patch.

[Bothisgood]

Talk to a therapist. When you find the right one, oh my goodness the relief. Ask your primary for recommendations. If it doesn't feel like a good fit try someone new. I just started with a new therapist because my old one moved and I was so hesitant because I didn't want to go over my full story again but I'm so glad I did because he really gets OCD. It is scary. It takes effort. But you deserve it, you deserve to get better.