When will this torture end? : I’m really... - My OCD Community

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When will this torture end?

Magic214 profile image

I’m really starting to give up on myself. I’m currently stuck in an OCD state that I can’t seem to break out of.

Nothing feels real, my heart is overwhelmed with pain and I experienced an anxiety attack today.

I have tried to get up and do things, but there’s no joy. I haven’t eaten or showered in 2days, losing weight as quickly as I do makes me hate looking at myself. I feel like a zombie and I don’t understand why or how I got here.

So exhausted. Every time I try to talk about this illness with family and so called friends, they get mad, tell me I’m horrible for how I treat them and don’t speak to me for weeks.

My boyfriend doesn’t allow me to use the OCD as an excuse. He treats me like I have the ability to shake it off. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired.

11 Replies

Hi Magic214,

The struggle to care for yourself is really hard when you're hurt. Illness doesn't shake off. I'm sorry your boyfriend is upsetting you.

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Please remember that feelings are not facts and just as importantly, they do not last forever. I myself have been back and forth with new themes causing me to question what in life is real and I worry that I will always feel this way but I don’t. I have good days and bad just like everyone else. I hope you are taking care of yourself the best you can and getting treatment. ERP really does help to treat and manage OCD. I promise this won’t last forever. 💖

Any person who doesn't have OCD will never understand what it feels like. They expect you to get over it when in fact it's an illness. Believe me I've been at the worst feeling suicidal and hopeless when you realize it's disabling you from your life and you're so fed up. But at some point I realized there is a treatment to it. And for that I need to put in an effort that I have never done before. It gets better when you aim for it. Don't you feel down. We're here for you. We know your pain

Please hang in there, we may not know each other but I love you for being yourself and speaking your truth. You will get through this and this community is here to support you no matter what. ❤️

Never ever ever give up. We all know what you are going through. We are all dealing with this and are all here for you. Hope you are getting treatment

I’m so sorry you are in such a low place and as with all replies above we get you and you are not alone- earlier this year I was at the point you are now and I hated everything about my life and illness- I just stopped functioning- not showering eating working or leaving the house - I fell out with everyone as they didn’t understand and have never felt so alone and I lost all hope - the physical rest I allowed myself to have just lying around on the sofa gave me healing - I hated it and was so bored but I wasn’t in a constant state of anxiety and overthinking- I know it was avoidance however I think it really helped me get to a place where I can now semi function - I now have hope again so please please please allow yourself to be you and don’t give up - we are here for you and reaching out is a-really good step to acknowledging your feelings x

Chances are that you also have some concerning depression at this point and you really need help. I went through a time in 2017 that my depression medicine stopped working and I really felt like you describe. I didn't want to do anything, nothing was fun, no joy, didn't want to put out any flowers at all in the spring, could not even get interested in shopping, which I really enjoy. My OCD was also a big big mess. My doc started me on some new meds and it really made a huge difference. It did take time to recover, but now I'm happy, enjoy all my crafts, etc. I've had OCD since I was 6, so I need both depression and OCD meds. Please talk to your doctor. Are you on meds now?

Hi Magic214

I am so sorry to hear how much you’re dealing with and my heart goes out to you. I’m in a very similar situation where I really have no real support from my family. I have one of my children who goes through similar things I do , that tries really hard to understand and be there for me. But I have my spouse and two more children and all my siblings and parents who do Not even put effort into talking to me. It’s sad , every day. It breaks my heart cause I feel the extreme need for just a Hug and for someone to just ask me how I’m feeling so I can open up to them . It just doesn’t happen and it sucks. But .....I found all of you here to help me through. To relate to and give me that virtual hug when I need one.

May not be exactly what I’d hoped, but it’s kept my feet under me on those really rough days. We are All here for you and we All understand you. Please please eat and try to use the positive responses here as motivation to know you are loved by us all.

All my best to you . Please let us know you are ok today

Hello,

I know right now it seems hopeless, but there is always hope…

There is One who looks after you and knows you more intimately than you even know yourself.

Call out to Jesus in prayers and ask him for help!

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.”

I understand your stuck phase and can relate. Give it time. I've been stuck in phases too. They vary but it will change and you'll be able to move from this episode. Keep hanging in there.

Omg thank you all so much, I’m definitely in tears reading these replies!!! I can’t lie, I had a rough month…but I haven’t given up. I found a therapist who specializes in ocd, a psychiatrist and changed my regular physician. I literally just received some new medication today. I was feeling anxious about taking it, so I came back here to see why I needed to. Someone wanna force the pills in my tummy for me? Lol 🤦‍♀️ I love you all and I’m sending all of you virtual hugs!!! xoxo!!

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