I think my daughter has OCD, and I think her musical talent is tied to it…

[Chitt4170]

Hi, my daughter is a 14 year old about to go into high school and she always was super obsessive since she was a small child, I never thought it was OCD because I always thought OCD was just getting pissed when your pencils weren’t lined up. She always loved musicals and got head over heals obsessed with them. I mean literally she wouldn’t stop talking about them. But a few months or so after she would completely drop the musical and never speak of it again as if she didn’t even know what it was.

This always confused me since I’ve never seen anyone act like this, my older kids never did and my sibling never did when I was a child. I never really thought about it too much since she was just a kid.

But as she got older, she joined theatre, started playing piano, guitar, and violin (mainly violin, took classes for it in school), and developed something called perfect pitch, which is a skill where someone can name a musical note given by ear.

Immediately she excelled in her violin classes, she was the best in her class, even though she started the violin way later than all of the other kids. But when she was home, for hours on end, she wouldn’t stop until she got it perfect, refusing to eat dinner.

I thought this was just impressive determination. But then her perfect pitch started improving a lot. Now, she could tell you what scale a song is in by ear. And every song her older sister played, she would name what key the song was in. I thought this was just to annoy her older sister. But even when I was playing music, just me and her, or music was playing in the backround of a movie or tv show we were watching, she would talk to herself saying what key the music was in, major and minor key. And if the key of the music changed, she would say what key the music changed to.

This wasn’t to impress me, I could tell she wasn’t even telling me what key the music was in. She was genuinely thinking out loud.

Soon she started harmonizing with EVERY song that played. Any song even if she barley knew it, she would harmonize with. I’m not even kidding. Our family loves music and we play all kinds of music all the time. And when I tell you, there wasn’t a song played that she didn’t harmonize with. And again, at first I thought she was trying to piss of her sister who might I add was very annoyed with her new skill, then I thought it was to show off to everyone, but after a while, when everyone in the family got bored with it, she still harmonized with every song known to man.

When her theatre camp ended, every kid came home with a paper labeled with their name, with personal notes from other campers. And when I tell you, every single note on her paper was talking about how talented she was for ALWAYS harmonizing with other kids.

At that time I was almost certain that she was showing off. Until recently, I started hearing her harmonize with TikToks and songs online for hours straight. Then I started thinking that there’s no way that she would take measures so extreme to show off to a family that already knows she can do that. But she was obsessed with harmonizing. It sounds so crazy but it’s true, she harmonizes for hours, not even aware that I hear her.

I don’t know if this has anything to do with OCD, but I don’t know what else it could be, she was diagnosed with ADHD 8 years before and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a few months before. I don’t even know if this is tied to her mental health but I think it could be.

[MothFir]

I think you should talk to a therapist who understands OCD. In my opinion, whether or not your daughter has OCD would depend a lot on how she views her own behaviors. If she is doing all this harmonizing and focusing on music because she wants to and she enjoys it, I don't think it's necessarily OCD. However if she is doing all of those things because she feels like she has to, it may very well be OCD. (You're right in that it's not just lining up pencils.) Most of us with OCD do our rituals and compulsions not because we want to, but because it relieves the awful anxiety we feel if we don't do them.

I enjoy a lot of creative activities, and when I am really into them I don't want to stop and eat or sleep or whatever. That might be "obsessive" behavior, but I enjoy it and I don't think it's part of my OCD. My true OCD rituals are time-consuming and feel really urgent, but they're never enjoyable. They just feel like things I have to do to keep bad things from happening (and I take meds and therapy to try to stop doing them).

Hope this helps, but again you should probably talk to a real therapist 🙂

[StuckForYears in reply to MothFir]

To echo this response, whether this is OCD depends on your daughter's experience of it: does she feel compelled to harmonize, or does she do it because she enjoys it? If she were asked to not do it for a specific reason (say needing to be quiet in a movie theater), would she become anxious, and maybe insist that she needs to do it?

From your description, her "obsession" sounds more like she is developing her talent intensely, and it happens to be annoying to members of the family. The only element, to me, that could indicate OCD, is her not wanting to stop practicing until she got something perfect, and refusing to eat dinner. The big question is why? Does she practice so hard because she is dedicated and wants to excel, or because she fears something bad will happen if she doesn't? Parsing all of this with a therapist would be helpful.

[Trishly1234]

Possibly autism? Definitely worth a professional opinion - does the music impact her negatively- I know you mentioned missing meal times but what about socially?

[EleanorRose]

I don't really have anything new to add, as such, I agree with most of what has already been said by the others. I agree with maybe speaking to a therapist or doctor (with your daughter's knowledge) if you're concerned, no one online can say for sure - does your daughter know you're concerned by it? Have you ever asked her about it?

My personal experience is that I have (among other things) OCD and I've also worked with children who are on the autistic spectrum. On the face of it, this doesn't sound to me like OCD but, I'm not a mental health professional and can only speak from personal experience. OCD can encompass lots of things and is far from lining up pencils and what is often portrayed in the media. It is very difficult to live with and is generally fed by huge amounts of anxiety.

In very basic terms, the obsession part of OCD is something which causes distress (it's generally a thought) and the compulsion is what sufferers do to try and alleviate it. So in your daughters example the harmonising etc would be the compulsion that she would be doing because of some belief in her mind that's causing distress, e.g. If I don't get perfect pitch every time, the house will burn down. What you describe with your daughter sounds more like she's obsessed in an interested way rather than because of distress?

I mention autism here, too as something you might not have considered and might want to read more into. It's common in autism for people to develop what's sometimes referred to as a "special interest" - something they are intensely focused on, more so than might be expected, it can appear like an obsession. I'd also say autism in girls often presents very differently to boys and often goes under the radar when girls are younger; might be something you want to read up on - a Google search of 'Autism in girls' will bring up lots you might want to read.

Good luck and try not to worry. Like I and others have said, seek some professional advice if you're concerned but do make sure your daughter knows.

Take care,

Eleanor Rose

[cathy1956]

Your daughter sounds really talented. I come from a musical family. I find the music takes me away from the OCD. The arts are great for helping managing OCD. Maybe the harmonizing relaxes her. It's a great skill to have.