Reassurance seeking: Hi! I am new here and... - My OCD Community

My OCD Community

4,708 members2,106 posts

Reassurance seeking

SandraNova profile image


I am new here and don't really know how this work but I am giving it a try.

I am really struggling right now with constant reassurance seeking in my new relationship and I can feel it distroying everything. My OCD is killing all my relationships and I can't take it anymore. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this obsessive need for constant reassurance? I would be so grateful for any help or support ❤

6 Replies

Unfortunately, that's the hallmark of OCD, reassurance that what we're afraid of or worried about won't happen, isn't true, etc. I've been told a few things that helps (sometimes though I get into such a spiral I can't 'grasp' the concept). But in general, (and I'm sure you've heard it all before!) no matter how much reassurance we get, it's never enough. The moment we get reassurance, our thoughts immediately find fault in something someone said or we read that makes us think 'ok, but what about..." and the spiral begins! And the main reason we want reassurance is to know that nothing bad will happen. But, we all realize in life, things happen, no matter how much we try to avoid it (that's a tough concept to grasp when in the midst of OCD when we need to control everything around us!). Also was told, when I'm thinking of something bad, scary, negative, etc, ask myself "did anyone with any actual knowledge, skills, authority tell me this?" If not, then until I have someone with authority actually tell it to me, 'my mind made the whole thing up and ran with it'! Do you notice a pattern with what you're trying to get reassurance about in your relationships? Is it just in the relationship you need the reassurance or is it the same things you seek reassurance from with other in your 'circle/family"?

Does your boyfriend/girlfriend know that you have OCD? When I used to seek reassurance a lot, I would always write notes to my mom and get reassurance that way. So when I started ERP I told my mom don't read my notes and I might have told her to even give them back I don't remember. But the idea was even if I gave her a note she wouldn't read them and therefore she wouldn't know what I was confessing so she couldn't reassure me. So if your family and friends understand that you have OCD maybe you could tell them not to give you reassurance, even if you ask and get upset, tell them not to give in. I don't know, maybe that won't work for you, but yeah 😊 ❤️

I know how hard it is to seek reassurance. It is so so hard but you must tell the person you want reassurance from to not give it to you. They need to know they are on your team and not team ocd bully. As hard as it is it will slowly get better. Reassurance is just a quick fix that just feeds your ocd and gives it more power and takes away your power.

Mcfly64 profile image
Mcfly64 in reply to Mcfly64

Sorry I meant to say how hard it is not to seek reassurance.

I would always seek reassurance on the internet, so I had to stop searching by putting my phone away or looking at something else on my phone. The urge to check did go down as I avoided it, thankfully. I also use other tools like this group or OCD peers (( to get other ideas for erp or just to know I’m not alone.

I can relate. Making decisions without going overboard on consultation, or even with none, is a helping me. Even something small like decluttering - that’s decision making too. I think it’s like arriving at my own decision allows me to embrace uncertainty in other areas.

You may also like...