How to clean objectively very dirty places with OCD

[StuckForYears]

I have had Exposure Response Prevention therapy for years and haven't been able to address this problem:

I have areas in my apartment I haven't been able to clean in years because it is just too difficult. I have no idea how to clean these areas, just in a practical sense, and also in terms of how much anxiety will result in the attempt. As background, I have had such difficulty in doing certain tasks that it results in rage at myself and hitting myself.

I need help to figure out how to get certain areas clean. Any therapist i see just wants me to put these areas on a scale of 0-10 in terms of anxiety, and the areas are all 10s, and I am never able to do anything about them. No therapist has been able to address what to do with these areas that are objectively dirty...you can see the dirt, it's been there for years, and it all has a gross backstory. I can't really hire just a regular cleaner, because I don't want the dirt to spread.

I know there are other people with OCD who struggle in a similar fashion: they live in unclean and uncomfortable environments because they can't cope with the anxiety that cleaning causes. Therapy can't be the only singular answer--all the money I've spent on it has not been able to fix this issue. I feel very hopeless often, and unhappy about the quality of life I am able to make for myself. I keep trying to hold out for hope, but it seems so unfair that I should have to live this way.

What have other people done? Are there cleaning services provided by people who understand OCD, and will figure out with you how to get the job done without spreading the dirt? I am in LA so I am hoping there's help nearby.

I would so much appreciate other people's insights.

[Hidden]

I don't have this exact thing, but I have certain things that are hard for me to do because doing it raises my anxiety/makes me feel like a failure so I tend to procrastinate and after a while it's just this looming dreaded thing casting a shadow over my whole life.

What helps me sometimes is giving myself a strict time limit, like: I will clean for 15 minutes and then I'll stop and go out and do something else. Doing it is never as bad as the dreading it and getting started. Once you get started you will feel better and may even be up for doing more than 15 minutes. Also, give yourself a reward, like: I will clean for 15 minutes and then I'll watch a movie or have a dish of ice cream or a hot coffee. The other thing that gets me through doing something I dread is playing music while I'm doing it. Try starting small and see whether that helps. I recommend Motown music. Hugs.

😀

[mmmmww]

I second the motion on 'music' it works as a good distraction. Pop on your fave tunes, sing and dance while you clean. I tend to find my mind is focused more on the lyrics of the songs rather than the task at hand and before I know it, the job is done.Also I have found that putting on "cleaning clothes" (clothes you don't mind getting dirty) and taking them off after cleaning, helps. Along with rubber/disposable gloves.

I know disposable gloves is quite wasteful, but I fear the dirt/contamination getting stuck under my nails and I won't be able to wash it away. So for the real dirty jobs, eh cleaning the toilet or emptying the kitchen bins, I use gloves.

There have also been occasions where my husband has had to clean things for me, because I couldn't touch/go near them. So I explained the situation to my husband and he cleaned things for me. At first, he cleaned and I watched/supervised to make sure he was doing it right/not "spreading the contamination". And he would check with me to make sure he was doing it as I wanted. But after a while and a number of times of this routine, I got to a point of being able to just let him get on with it, and I don't need to stand there and watch,/check. And now it has slowly moved on to me being able to clean some of those areas/things.

There are still a few things I can't touch/clean, but it is getting better, it is just taking time, take things slowly/at your pace. Do not try to rush these things, I found that just adds more pressure and stress on yourself.

Maybe, if you have a family member or friend that knows of your OCD, you could ask them to help/clean for you? Explain to them the situation and also explain that you will likely be watching over them the whole time and maybe instructing them on how you want it done or not done. As long as they understand this and are ok with your cleaning "demands", hopefully this will help you work towards you being able to do it yourself. Like I have with my husband's help

Start with your family/friend cleaning for you, whilst you "instruct". After a few occasions doing this, try and leave the room while they clean and let them get on with it without you watching. Again after a few occasions of leaving them to clean without you watching, move on to either you cleaning with them or on your own. Gradual steps. This is what has worked for me.

😉

[StuckForYears]

Thanks for your replies. Unfortunately I have no close family or friends who would do this for me/with me. It's also not a matter of 15 minutes here or there; that's what I do now and it does nothing to undo the lockjam of problems I have from years upon years of dirt. I need outside help to clean, and masses of it. My health is really suffering from this; I have back problems from sleeping on the same couch for 12 years, which has been caused in part by my being unable to get things cleaned up in my apartment enough so that I could get a new couch and/or bed in here (and partially from being in financial straits so I couldn't afford one.) I feel so alone (and really am very alone) and helpless. I finally have a tiny bit of money and could afford to pay someone to help me, but can't find any recommendations for someone who would be understanding and really help me.