Can anyone relate to my OCD? Is this normal?

[anonymous_squirrel]

Hello everyone,

I hope this isn't a strange question to ask! I've been diagnosed with OCD last year and have been aware of it since then, and am still in the process of discovering myself.

There are some things that I do and think about that I want to share with you because honestly, I feel like it maybe is not "normal" (or kind of a strange OCD actions/thoughts that I can't find anywhere on Google) or something. I don't know. I don't have anyone to really talk to about this.

Here we go:

1. "I am not allowed to touch that"

Randomly, I suddenly find myself unable to get something because it is "bad". So like, sometimes it can be clothes, cups, medication etc... and I suddenly cannot touch it unless somebody else gives it to me...

2. Colors match my "feelings"

I can't wear certain colors on certain days because of how my "feelings are/will be"

3. Cannot write my thoughts down (with great difficulty)

Because when I start writing, I obsessively repeat the same sentence over and over again and then many sentences come out of nowhere and I end up writing maybe like one sentence. Unless I am "allowed" to do it, then I must make an "appointment" in my head for a specific day. For example, I booked today's writing sessions yesterday evening. It hurts me.

4. Focus on one thing at a time

When I am in a "vibe" I need to ask permission to leave or I will feel very very bad. So let's say I am sitting on a chair, I want to use the bathroom, but I can't leave the chair because the "vibe" has not finished yet. This one sucks the most because it's a daily thing that happens naturally, I just take the pain.

5. Sleeping

I sleep a lot because it's the only time I am actually not feeling this pressure. It's fun for me.

6. Phone problems

I absolutely hate answering messages. It physically hurts me. There is a specific agreed upon time that I have booked in my head, I answer messages only in the evening to certain people, or in 3 to 4 days for others, or in a month or so for "other others".

7. Impulsive ideas that I must do right away

If I wake up and tell myself that I gotta plant something. I must do it or feel physically in pain until it is done. Whatever the thought is, it's best to achieve it because I have no choice. The pain will come.

8. Right and wrong feelings

Can't move from my chair until it is the "right feeling" - can't go from one room to the next unless it's the "right feeling" etc... if the feeling is "wrong" then we must wait until it is the correct one.

I think that's the gist of my daily habits. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Let me know if you can relate to this or have similar experiences.

Best

Squirrel

[MothFir]

I have read about all kinds of OCD "themes" that are unusual. In my non-expert opinion, most OCD boils down to us getting a powerful feeling that something is not right and needs to be fixed or avoided. So if you can't wear certain clothes because the colors don't "match your feelings," that's not too different from someone who can't wear certain clothes because they feel like they are contaminated. It's all about the way our brains interpret a feeling of "wrongness" that makes us avoid doing something that there's no rational reason to avoid doing. (Again, that's my non-professional opinion.)

I've personally experienced #1 and #8 on your list. In my case it had a religious element. I would suddenly feel like it was "sinful" to use a certain pencil, or maybe I would have a "sinful" thought when I got out of a chair, so I'd sit down and stand up again until it felt "right." I've mostly gotten over this but now I'm battling contamination themes. Now I would avoid the pencil not because it's "sinful" but because it's "contaminated." See how it's all pretty much the same? Recognizing this does not make the anxiety any less, but it does help me see it for what it is (just a meaningless, bad feeling) and use the pencil anyway (which does cause the anxiety to go down in the long run).

Are you seeing an OCD therapist and/or taking any medication? Both can likely help with everything on your list. In essence, therapy requires you to do the things that "feel" wrong and in time they will no longer bother you. A good program can help you do this gradually and with insights that keep the anxiety from being overwhelming. Meds can help take the edge off if therapy alone is too intimidating.

[anonymous_squirrel in reply to MothFir]

I get what you mean by "themes" so much - I couldn't put a word to it, earlier I called them "vibes" that I have to listen to. I am on meds but have not started OCD therapy, is it weird that I'm somehow afraid to get rid of my OCD? I don't know why but I'm just getting this feeling that OCD is what makes me who I am. Just now, in this moment.

[MothFir in reply to anonymous_squirrel]

I’d say it’s always better to deal with it now before it’s entrenched any more. You will still be you

[anonymous_squirrel in reply to MothFir]

#1 and #8 are the life of this party train, what what

[222purple]

Hi, This is all very classic OCD! Your fears/compulsions are very common! I am an OCD sufferer as well and have had many similar fears. I've also had the fear that "no one else has my fears which means that they are not OCD and true". I would highly recommend to follow Shannon Shy's facebook page "OCD Can Be Defeated, I'm Living Proof". Shannon recovered from the very worst of OCD. He's truly inspirational and is always there to help!

[anonymous_squirrel in reply to 222purple]

Hahaha the "no one else has my fears which means that they are not OCD and true" made me smile Classic OCD is a relief ! I'll give Shannon Shy a go as well. Thank you very much for your response!

[hlacovara]

Most definitely OCD. Don't feel ashamed of what is happening to you. Although very difficult to deal with at times, it is common and treatable. I have experience with this. I go to therapy as well. My therapist is great and explains why this happens and ways to cope and overcome the intrusive thinking. Take writing for example. You say you cannot write them down it is difficult. Sit in a comfortable spot, slowly begin to write. When the anxiety of OCD kicks in, just sit with it and let it be there, don't fight it. The more you sit with it and don't engage with the compulsion to not write (meaning you write away as much as you want), the less and less power the OCD will feel like it has and eventually will become less and less and go away. This can be applied to all of your list. Go slow, be strong, take your time with these exposures and it will get better. 💛

[anonymous_squirrel in reply to hlacovara]

I don't enjoy doing that part just yet, sitting with my OCD anxiety is like sitting next to a screaming baby for hours and hours and it's not even a cute baby. It's like a creepy baby.

I'm very glad to know that this is "classic" OCD tho - I've been fearing that maybe I'm all alone but I'm not. That makes a huge difference. Thank you so much for your response

❤️

[anonymous_squirrel in reply to anonymous_squirrel]

The baby's name is Blob the Bob

[anonymous_squirrel in reply to anonymous_squirrel]

Blobblob

[hlacovara in reply to anonymous_squirrel]

You're welcome 💛