Death Pure O - Help?

[moviefan223]

i literally CANNOT stop ruminating about death. everyday, i’m thinking about my death or my family’s deaths or everyone’s death, and if i try to dismiss it i tell myself i’m just burying my head in the sand about the inevitable. i can’t stop thinking about what happens after death, when i’ll die, how my life is pointless if i’ll just die and i’m so tired of it. waking up every morning is so horrible and i just miss the freedom i had before i developed ocd. does anyone have any advice?

[Carbon21]

I think most people fear death at some point in their life. It’s normal to fear the unknown. I used to worry a lot about it. At some point I just realized you have to enjoy your time here and make the best of what time you have. We can’t control everything.

Religion helps me but I know that’s not for everyone. Someone once told me to only allow worry for 30 minutes a day, assign a time and when you start to worry tell yourself it’s not my worry time slot I’ll think about this later. Cram all your worries in that 30 minutes and then stop. Worrying changes nothing, after awhile I worry much less, there’s no point of it. I found I worried for lots of things that didn’t even happen.

Sorry I don’t have a better answer, hope it helps anyway. Hang in there.

[moviefan223 in reply to Carbon21]

hi again!

thanks for your reply. my ocd started attacking my ideas of religion (i’ve grown up catholic, but more in a ‘love thy neighbour’ way than in the religious ocd rumination and endless googling ‘you will go straight to hell bc you thought about sex’ way). i think there’s *something god-like* but i keep ruminating over what form it takes, what religion should i be as all religions say they are true, whether i should bother with religion at all. i’m feeling a bit calmer in my ruminations rn (normally feel better during the day) but, as you say, i should just spend more time just enjoying myself and being kind, and hopefully, if there’s a god, he will understand.

as you say, worrying does nothing - it’s hard being a rational person who knows this yet having ocd! i’ll try out the worrying slot thing and see how i find it. i have adhd also so ocd in conjunction makes it tricky to focus but hopefully this works okay.

thank you for your kind answers, on this post and on my other post. i really appreciate it and i think you’re a truly kind, good person.

alessia xx

[Carbon21 in reply to moviefan223]

Thanks moviefan223, wishing you the best. You are a kind person too.

[3BirdLover in reply to moviefan223]

I grew up in the Catholic church as well and was swamped with thoughts of doing good, and going to hell if I didn't confess everything in confession. It was not until in my 20's that I was led to the TRUTH, learned about the Bible and what Jesus did for me that I found lasting peace. I do have periods that the old Religious Scrupulosity happens, but am able to put it aside knowing it's not "REAL". I know that my true beliefs ARE real and I put my trust in those.

[moviefan223 in reply to 3BirdLover]

i’m glad you’ve been able to find more peace, i think it’s helpful to think “if Jesus was here now, would he just turn me away and tell me i was beyond hope? no, of course not!” instead of panicking all the time. it is handy to remember that my OCD thoughts aren’t ‘real’ reflections of my character and goodness. i’m praying for a way to see a more positive relationship with my faith and to remember the things that appeal to me about it, like compassion, mercy, love and care, rather than hell and some human hypocrisies.

thank you,

alessia xx

[3BirdLover in reply to moviefan223]

You are definitely on the right track! To realize that you are NOT your OCD really hit home for me big time. Trying to separate yourself from what OCD is trying to tell you (or scare you with) is a huge key! Growing closer to the Lord is so important. You are right....God is loving, forgiving and anxious to hold you in His arms. He is a loving God...not a punishing God or us who believe in Him. Because He sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sins makes the whole difference in the world about EVERYTHING. He has forgiven me for past offenses....I just need to forgive myself, have self compassion, and move away from the OCD. It doesn't mean OCD will stop trying to torment me, but it does mean that I can tell it to hit the road!

[3BirdLover]

I hope I don't sound "preachy" but I am confident about what happens after death, and that I will be going to Heaven. If I wasn't sure, it would haunt me horribly as well. I believe the Bible is true and reading it is a peace that I cannot explain. Want to know more, I'm happy to discuss

[moviefan223 in reply to 3BirdLover]

hopefully, when the quarantine ends in my area, i’m thinking of trying to make contact with a priest and talk through any qualms i’m having. even if i don’t entirely conclude on my religious ideas, i think the search for God is valuable and worthy in itself, and, by trying to overcome my ocd and be a kind, generous person, i believe i’m doing a form of god’s work on earth. thank you for your offer, i think i’ll have a further look through the bible when i feel less stressed with religion-based ocd and my existential obsessions.

[3BirdLover in reply to moviefan223]

Yes, we all need to learn to be more giving and loving by all means you are right. It would be a great thing to talk to your priest. I urge you to not wait, but to contact him. He would certainly find a way to discuss this with you. Read Romans in the Bible...great book to know God's love

The first part of Romans is a little unsettling because it talks about how we sin and deserve punishment; however, hang on because you will come to the 'good stuff' where it will tell you about God's enourmous love for us and how Jesus made it so that we are now forgiven and bound for Heaven.

[moviefan223 in reply to 3BirdLover]

thank you, I’ll check out Romans, and in the meantime, i’m finding more priests to follow on social media who show the less judgemental side of the religion. i know that i’ll always have worries but as long as i try to follow god i’ll be okay. thanks,

Alessia xx

[empiricist]

Hi there - this sounds like the exact nature of the OCD I suffered with the most for way too many years. It might seem impossible, but I promise with time & therapy & medication you will feel the pre-OCD freedom from death thoughts again. I was raised Catholic as well so I also had a lot of obsessions about demons, hell, the nature of existence, etc. I don't have any practical advice, as I know that does not usually help such an impractical disorder, but know I am sending you so much hope and healing your way. I will say in my experience, I had death obsessions for about 8-10 years along with some other OCD symptoms. I have been in therapy for 2.5 years now doing CBT and exposure therapy and am taking fluoxetine, and I can say I feel NORMAL and free again. There is probably a good treatment out there for you too - don't give up and keep trying! Please message me if you are struggling or want to chat more. ❤ I remember all too well the absolute life-destroying NIGHTMARE that constant death obsessions can be.

[moviefan223 in reply to empiricist]

it’s so great to hear that you overcame this! i do feel such longing for the past when i wasn’t so overcome with obsessions on death and could ACTUALLY LIVE! i feel a bit religiously confused now but i reckon if there is a god/higher existence, he understands how difficult faith is with ocd. thank you for your wishes of hope and healing, i really appreciate it, and i hope all is well for you too. i really would like therapy, but it’s difficult when you’re broke and there’s a worldwide pandemic and there’s an incredibly long nhs waiting list, but i definitely intend on receiving therapy as soon as i can. what kind of exposure have you done for death obsessions?

Thanks,

Alessia xx

[3BirdLover in reply to moviefan223]

You might contact the iocdf.org about finding a therapist that works on a sliding scale or maybe knows ways to help you financially. It is practice right now to do tele therapies so you don;t have to go in person. If you mention Religious Scrupulosity it would help to find someone. There are probably priests that have a good handle on Religious Scrupulosity and they would talk to you for free.

[moviefan223 in reply to 3BirdLover]

that’s a good idea, i’ll have a look. i’ve dmed a few priests on twitter also to see if they could offer any words of wisdom. thanks for all your help xx

[3BirdLover in reply to empiricist]

I think the Catholic church has come a LONG LONG way since I was a kid. I am no longer Catholic, but my sister is and comparing notes, the Catholic church teaches much more about how we have a loving God rather than an angry one. They talk alot more about forgiveness and Jesus than they did back then.

[moviefan223 in reply to 3BirdLover]

to be fair, i went to a catholic primary school (aged 4-11) and my parish priests were very nice and positive, but there was a lot of judgemental and hypocritical people around in the parish, so i was a bit put off by that, which was wrong of me as people are human and they sin. however, i do really like pope francis and quite a lot of jesuits, due to their focus on acceptance and mercy

[3BirdLover in reply to moviefan223]

You will find hypocricity (spelling???) no matter where you go. I've seen many 'religious people' that are. You are right...we are all sinful.... don't let that stop you. We are forgiven

[Luna-blade]

It’s part of pure ocd as well but you can alleviate it by strengthening your faith if you are religious. It helps a lot and answers lots of your questions. Don’t fear death it’s just the beginning of a new life

[moviefan223 in reply to Luna-blade]

i’m going to try and strengthen my faith/talk to a priest when there are less coronavirus restrictions. thanks for your reply, Alessia xx

[Luna-blade in reply to moviefan223]

You’re welcome dear hope it helps

[musicnwriting44]

I relate to this a lot! I’m always in fear of one of my family members or close friends dying. Generally I feel like if I don’t touch something a certain amount of times, someone will die, which would make it my fault. I get scared too about afterlife because I fear that I’m incorrect and after I die that could literally just be the end of me.

[3BirdLover in reply to musicnwriting44]

I used to have these types of feelings/fears too. I thought I could have an impure thought and a close person was going to hell because of me. I always remember when I was a kid and would talk to my mom about these. She would say "(my name), you are NOT THAT POWERFUL". Wow!!! She was right!!! God has wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more power than I do. It made a huge impact on me. Nothing I can think in my head can have so much power to send someone to hell... period.

If you haven't seen the webinars from "Only Ethan" on the iocdf.org website concerning Religious OCD, I would recommend them for anyone suffering from this type of OCD. Many don't know that this type of OCD exists and it is very disturbing. I realize that all OCD is disturbing, but for me (who has been through about every type there is) find it especially troublesome and anxiety-provoking.

Sometimes these thoughts will still pop up, but I bring back to mind what I learned, hear my mom's words, and remember that this is OCD trying to upset me, then I am usually able to drop it and go forward. It takes practice. Don't try to figure it out because you won't be able to, don't try to go back and re-think what exactly the thought was, it won't make sense and will only drive you crazy....the loop our brain goes in doesn't accomplish a thing.

[moviefan223 in reply to musicnwriting44]

hi, thanks for your reply and i hope you overcome your compulsions soon. we’re all in this together and we WILL get better! remember that your compulsions are literally just your ocd speaking, although i know from experience it’s easier said than done.

thanks and wishing you recovery,

alessia xx

[musicnwriting44 in reply to moviefan223]

i wish the same for you! there’s hope for all of us, some things just take time. if only thinking that could solve all of our problems! haha.

of course, wishing recovery for you as well, and have a great day xx

[beta2005]

hey I have the same condition from about 3 years I haven't take any meds or went to therapist yet but I wanna tell you that its true it is very harmful and anxious but we still can success in life .. I am good at high school I have a good social life with friends and teachers I read books and listen to music and pray to the god this really makes me feel better … and try to not set alone because I think this makes it worse !

[moviefan223 in reply to beta2005]

hope you begin to feel better soon! i definitely try not to be alone when my pure o spikes as i literally feel destroyed by my own brain! i’m glad you manage to see the positives about yourself even while having ocd - it really is important! wishing you recovery and happiness, alessia xx

[OrchidKoi15]

I really hope this doesn't make more problems for you but I used to feel the same way. I was raised Lutheran in a very guilt ridden religious hypocritical family. I have come to realize recently that no matter what, when we die, we go to heaven or hell or just nothing. I feel that hell couldn't be worse then what we feel everyday and that actually nothingness would be a welcome relief. I'm not sure i know where I am at with God right now but thinking this way helped. I was having ocd loops of suicidal ideations where anything I saw I automatically thought of how I could kill myself with it. One particular vision scared me the most. Realizing it was not death itself that scared me but the fear and embarrassment those thoughts made me feel were the serious distressers. I hope i didnt make things worse at all. Just remember, you are not your thoughts no matter how much it seems like you are

[moviefan223 in reply to OrchidKoi15]

thanks for your reply