I'm not really sure.

I do not know much about OCD other than the stereotypes; knocking on a door 3 times, washings hands 4 times, locking and unlocking doors, that type of stuff. I like things a certain way, in certain spots and am organized. That's all I thought it was. Honestly I have taken notice to alot of things these past few months that kind of scare me.

When I use the bathroom at work, I go in the same stall and look at the same notch in the door every time. When I get in bed at night I always flatten my sheet before I get in. When I eat lunch at work my dish goes in front, fork and water on the right and other food on the left. I have to put a jacket on by swinging it around me with my right arm in first. Before I get out of my car I turn down the radio, check to make sure heat or A/C is off, turn the lights off, and click up each window button (even if i knew they were never down).

I could probably keep going but you should get the point. These are things that I've tried not to do, and I get all freaked out, not scared but my heart rate feels like it increases, I get anxious and sometimes I panic a bit. Its like I have to do these things. Some of them are comforting, others are time consuming and annoying.

To people that know what OCD feels like, could I maybe have a form of it?

(I know this is not a diagnosis, just looking for advice and people I can relate to)

[Princessbride_]

Hi I’m definitely no expert on ocd, but it definitely sounds like you might have ocd, to me.

Having to do things in a certain order, doing things a certain number of times, and feeling a lot of anxiety/not being able to change the order you do things, are apart of ocd.

I am diagnosed with ocd, and I know part of mine is I feel like I have to do things in a certain order.

I hope this helps in some way, I wish you luck on your journey

[EleanorRose]

Hi ☺️

I am definitely no expert and can only speak from personal experience and things I have learnt in therapy. I think there are two things to consider.

I think usually the distinction in OCD vs not OCD is why you are doing those things.

As an example, I hate the OCD ‘handwashing’ stereotype because although OCD can present as handwashing, it is so much more than that. However, it’s the simplest example I can think of.

OCD excessive handwashing will be because of some obsessive thought (the actual washing is the compulsive behaviour). For example, “I have some awful germ on my hand that will make me very ill therefore, I have to wash my hands until I feel they are clean” when there is no evidence that’s the case. People without OCD might wash their hands a lot but not because of any anxious thought process.

The second thing, which perhaps fits more with what you describe, is how much control you feel you have over the behaviours/how it makes you feel. What would happen if you just stopped doing it? Most people performing OCD compulsions don’t want to do the things they are doing, rather they feel like they have to/it causes them distress if they don’t. It can also be very time consuming.

For example, some people really like to have things neat and ordered because it makes them happy and they enjoy doing it - stationary is a good example and people enjoy putting all their pens in colour order. That’s not OCD - doing it because you enjoy/like something is just a preference. They could carry on with their day if their pens weren’t just right. OCD could outwardly present in the same way - needing things in a certain way/order but the person wouldn’t be getting enjoyment from it and couldn’t just stop and carry on with their day until they had done it.

I think the fact you describe these things as time consuming and causing you to feel anxious could be a sign that what you describe is OCD.

I’d definitely recommend speaking with a doctor or therapist if this is causing you concern or impacting your life.

Take care,

Eleanor Rose

[Hidden in reply to EleanorRose]

Thank you that was informative I hadn't thought about it as in OCD is something that when you stop you get anxious and that's definitely how I feel or even when I try to stop.

I have a thing with bins organizing and sorting with bins colored ones, drawers, foldable, plastic, see through, it doesn't matter and I usually just think of it as organizing.

I want things to be in a place and have a place and to always be put back in place after use. (That is with everything, even if a decoration is off a little bit from where it used to be it takes me a little to let it be like that, and I try to let it be different to help fight the urge and become stronger)

It is at the point where when I go to a store and I see bins I get almost anxious and my heart rate starts to go faster and I get overly excited just looking at these bins even though I don't want them anymore and I don't need any. I still feel that I have to have them so I can organize things and so I can make sure everything is sorted even if there's nothing in the bin and it just sits under my bed, at least I have them.

I guess that is a good example of doing something because you feel like you have to even though you don't want to anymore. But at the same time somewhere in side me the bins make me happy knowing everything is clean and neat and has a place and purpose.

It's confusing...

[EleanorRose in reply to Hidden]

It can be confusing, I agree.

I think it can be made confusing because of the media and ‘stereotypes’ in society and also because there are different types of OCD.

This website might be helpful for you to look at (I don’t think you are in the UK and this is a UK website but I think it’s quite easy to understand) ocduk.org/ocd/types/

What you’re describing would come under the ‘Symmetry and Orderliness’ heading and it might be worth doing some more research on that yourself. It’s about the only form of OCD that I don’t really have myself so I can’t comment too much. I say that, there are things I like to have a certain way otherwise I feel a bit ‘funny’ but I’ve never really thought of them as part of my OCD.

It might be worth considering why it makes you anxious? What is it you think will happen if you don’t have things in order? If after thinking about it, you think, ‘Actually, I just like being organised’ then maybe it’s not OCD if it’s something more than that, maybe it is.

I think it’s also helpful to think about the bigger picture - if you were to be diagnosed with OCD they would look at everything and not over-analyse every individual behaviour and try and decide if it’s OCD.

I can’t say whether you do or don’t have OCD (and I know you’re not asking us to) but I’d say it’s a possibility and definitely something worth speaking with a doctor or therapist about.

There are other things I could say but don’t want to make my reply too long but if you have any questions or there’s anything I can help with or you just need to talk at any time, just let me know ☺️

Good luck!