Why now?

I've been living out of a hotel for over two months. Why does it seem like just before I'm about to move to my own apartment, everything seem to be happening to trigger me. First one of the pillows in my room starts to smell like piss. I complain and they had the cleaning people clean the room. I come back, it still smells the same, but now there is a hair on it (the smell might be from the rain, since it's an outdoor type hotel, but my head still goes there). The toilet seat was up, so now I'm anxious that they got toilet water on my soap bottle by the shower, or that something that touched the toilet touched my soap. I've settled in so I don't feel clean enough to exchange it. I have another soap, but that one feels contaminated by other stuff. I'm afraid I'm going to end up contaminating my new apartment with all of this stuff. In addition, some stuff at work feels contaminated, so I'm afraid I'm going to contaminate my new apartment with stuff from there. The Covid-19 thing isn't exactly helping either. Someone, if possible, please be the voice of reason (or would that be enabling, idk)?

[nkotbjoeymc]

I feel so bad for you.

[Hidden in reply to nkotbjoeymc]

Don't feel bad for me. I'll get through it. This isn't even the worst situation I've been in. I'm just in a very tense time trying to get my life together after living a rather narrow life for years (due to OCD and related issues). Thank you though.

[Hidden]

I am so sorry that you are going through a difficult time with OCD.

Below is a link to an article which might be helpful.

OCD and Contamination

iocdf.org/expert-opinions/e...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I think I've actually read that article before. A large percentage for me is contamination anxiety, although not germ anxiety per se. Hopefully things will calm down a bit when I settle into my apartment and can control the environment, since I will be the one keeping it clean, not housekeeping. My mind tends to anticipate more anxiety than what actually happens when I get there.

[aadak18]

It's very common for OCD to be triggered when you're facing a change or transition. Remember that, and keep your head up!

[Hidden in reply to aadak18]

Thanks. Yeah, I've kind of noticed that over the last few years. Apparently anxiety and stress make OCD symptoms worse (I learned that the hard way). I've been trying to with all the changes that have been going on. So far I've been holding on, with a few bumps along the way.

[aadak18 in reply to Hidden]

That's the best we all can do. Hang in there!

[Tikirob]

I was in your situation less the virus not too long ago. Wether you know it or not you are incredibly brave for staying in a hotel. For a person with OCD they are very hard to sleep in I imagine you are in a difficult situation. But please keep in mind that all of your thoughts are perfectly normal OCD thoughts. And your OCD is healthy, not to make lite of this but to give you some perspective, you are challenging your OCD and it does not like it so it’s acting up.

So let me ask you this - what happens when soap gets dirty? You have to push past some of these beliefs and give them space, picture giving your negative thoughts a seat at the dinner table and saying to it I’ll be right back I just have to do something else.

[Hidden in reply to Tikirob]

Thanks. Easier said than done, but in these situations you do find that you are stronger than you think. I've been doing a lot better than I thought I would do given the panic I was in when I first started staying at the hotel. I was in such a state that I was calling the helpline to try to calm down, I was afraid to use the shower in the room. I hope to get through this. I get the keys to my apartment this week hopefully, and will slowly be moving in when I get furniture. I only have to deal with the hotel for a week or so more. I ended up using the soap in question, after reasoning that it wasn't all that close to the toilet, although I might switch it out. It's more the "apartment has to be perfectly clean" than the soap itself, otherwise I might still use it.

[Tikirob in reply to Hidden]

I don’t know you but as an ocd sufferer I am so happy you were able to still follow through with your goal of using the soap and that you found away to reach out with the extreme anxiety you had. I have called hotlines too after certain exposures. Your apartment is going to present all sorts of new OCD problems but at least you are closer to getting there and that is awesome.

I was forced into a horrible living situation that flooded my ocd and it was horrible but I can tell you it was the best thing for me in the long run, what you are going through now is going to suck but I assure you it will help you live with uncertainty later on. Keep it up!