afraid that I'm asexual

I have a fear that I'm actually not straight, and I'm just asexual. This thought scares me a lot because I want to have a boyfriend some day. A while back ago, I decided to post on an asexual forum that I was afraid that I was indeed an asexual, and I had a few replies say that I'm so young (14 at the time) and I shouldn't worry. This one person though, they said that it sounds like I'm asexual and aromantic, and that really, really upset me. I thought to myself, well if that guys says it then it must be true. Sometimes when I find myself thinking about a guy, and being in a relationship with a guy, I'll remember what that person said on the asexual forum and I feel my stomach drop. Nothing against asexuals, but I just don't want to be asexual myself, since I want to have sexual and romantic relationships with a guy...

also, I've "talked" go a few guys before, but nothing ever came of it. I'm not sure if that's unusual or not, and I'm scared that I give "uninterested" vibes because "what if I'm asexual??". When I was younger, I always had a crush on a boy, and they were always very big crushes. I still experience crushes. This has been such a big worry of mine. I also haven't had my first kiss and I'm 15. I'm not sure if that's normal or not. But I use that as proof that I'm asexual/aromantic sometimes too.

[Selesnya]

I'm sorry that you're dealing with OCD about this, but to me it does seem to be just that -- OCD. This is a very common theme to question your sexuality.

In the end, this is just OCD bringing up content that is irrelevant. You don't have to listen to it or try to resolve the question. It seems important, but the time spent on the question is ultimately not worth it. You can't answer the question definitively, you just have to live and see what happens. Don't give the thoughts any importance. As we were recently reminded, thoughts are not facts.

Are you working with a therapist on other OCD topics? It seems likes this is something to address as it is consuming a lot of mental energy.

[alyssuh]

The ocd will rev you up based on your fears or things you don’t want/don’t want to happen. That is its trigger. Only you know how you feel and what you want. Especially once you have sexual relations with a boy (don’t rush!) and even then you may not know. Thats the reality of it. I didn’t have my first kiss until i was 16 and plenty of people don’t have their first kiss at a young age! So many people “talk” to guys or girls and nothing comes out of it, myself included. It can be annoying but don’t let it discourage you. And don’t let the ocd use that any of that as proof that you’re something. Whether you really are that or not. Plenty of us with ocd have those fears of “oh my god i think that girl is pretty...does that mean i’m lesbian!?” or thoughts similar, whether it be about being gay or asexual. I’m sorry if none of this helps 😕 although i’m trying to help without giving any reassurance or definitive answers because only you can find the answers. If you are going to therapy, definitely speak to him/her about this, as with anything negatively impacting you

[Hidden in reply to alyssuh]

This actually helps me a lot, thank you!

[alyssuh in reply to Hidden]

You’re welcome! I can relate because lately i’ve been having thoughts that i’m lesbian and i’m like...i know i’m straight. And theres nothing wrong with finding people attractive, whether guy or girl cause so many people do! But still i don’t want it, and so my head just keeps bringing it up and jacking my thoughts up to a million about it.

[Fearnomore]

It sounds like your OCD is making you question your sexuality. It sounds like you like boys to me, since you really want one at some point. You are very young and don’t worry or rush about having a boyfriend. It will happen at some point in your life when you least expect it. Take your time!