Hope everyone is doing good! I’ve been making a lot of progress with my OCD lately but these past few days I feel like I’m in a funk. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten too cocky with my OCD and so I really didn’t do much, or any, ERP this week. I’m not necessarily having my usual harm thoughts, it’s just that my mind is constantly running and won’t shut off. I have random thoughts all day, some intrusive and some not, and it feels like my brain is going to short circuit at any minute. I also feel super aware of my surroundings and body - and not in a good way. I don’t know if any of you have ever dealt with existential themes before (I have) but it feels very similar to that. I’m just having worries about hallucinating and what’s real or if I’m having some sort of out of body experience. I know it’s my OCD but I’m kind of bummed that I’m in this place right now when I was doing so well. Anyways, I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow for our weekly session and so I’ll get some guidance then but I just wanted to share an update with everybody. I was able to do some yoga tonight as well as my knife exposure with my mom so that was good. I guess this is just another reminder that we can be uncomfortable and tolerate those feelings. At least tomorrow is hump day!
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MyOCD123
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This is actually SO relatable that I read it aloud to my mom to show her how similar it sounds to me. Like you, I was doing really well and also think I got cocky about it. Then all of sudden I got into a funk, just kind of emotional and anxious. It turned into like you said, my mind constantly racing not necessarily with my usual themes, just not shutting off with random thoughts (not all intrusive). Part of it, too, is that I've been way too in tune/obsessed with analyzing my emotions, which has been making them worse of course. I, too, have been oddly aware of my body lately (as I had been before in the past) and often it turns into me feeling like my body isnt really my own or something like that. Like my movements aren't my own, like I'm oddly aware of my senses, etc. I've dealt with existential themes in the past (questioning why we're here and the "point" of everything as if if HAD to know the answer). This also turned into me worrying that life isn't real and I'm just hallucinating it all, along with many other wild theories my brain came up with.
This post has calmed me down a bit. I kept questioning whether it was really my OCD or if I was just "losing it" (OCD loves to tell me this). I know it's a bummer, I feel the exact same. I'm trying to look at the positive -- that at least now, I'm having ups and downs with OCD rather than just all bad. I truly believe we are both on the right path, and that with time these episodes will become more spread out and eventually very far and few in between. Thanks for sharing this 123, it felt nice for me to start what was a bad morning off by feeling a little more understood. I'll be thinking of you! ❤️
Thank you for your nice reply! I’m glad that you’re able to connect with the experience and that I can talk to somebody who actually has an understanding of what I’m going through. I’m doing my best right now to stay positive and resume regular ERP. I just had my session with my therapist and even though I didn’t want to I was able to hold the larger knife up to her neck for about 15 minutes and I am going to do my best not to text her - I haven’t after all these times so I would hate to break that streak. Thank you for thinking of me, hopefully things start to improve for me. 💁🏼♀️
Hi 123 - I just now read your posts. I'm sorry you've been having a rough time. You always pull through though, and come out stronger. When I try to go to sleep at night, my mind just wants to think instead of go to sleep. I don't know how to turn that off. During the day at work I'm usually too busy working to think too many bad/OCD thoughts. They're always in the back of my mind though, weighing on me. I'm glad you got through your therapy session well. Have a good day tomorrow, then it will be Friday again!
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