Intro To Me

[Magister44]

Hey, everybody I'm Hayley! I saw the I-OCD was making a forum so I thought I'd join it.

So I have a few co-morbidity

1. OCD

2. Depression (Especially SAD)

3. OCD PD

4. General Anxiety (Not GAD)

I was diagnosed with OCD my sophomore year of high school. My obsessions then revolved around Rabies and Hell. For Rabies I'd wash my hands even when they were raw and chapped. For extra measure I'd carpet bomb my hands with sanitizer too. Typical train of thought was that somehow road kill matter would get on my wheel of my car. I'd walk past the wheel spot..tie my shoe and then my hands would be contaminated (you know how that train of thought goes). For hellfire I'd scream the name Jesus in my mind and such. My parents caught on early something was going on and thankfully got me to a PhD Psychologist who focused on OCD...within 6 months the symptoms were in remission. I was given tools for dealing with things. ERP and such. As I grew into adulthood obsessions slowly came back in different ways. Hellfire was gone but Rabies was underlying and the next major obsession was HIV blood. Any speck of red in a supermarket was avoided with ruthless efficiency. Fast forward to middle to late college and I started to fear my own body secretions. This unfortunately prevented me from being close to my girlfriends at the time. So late 2018 entered therapy for the 7th? time. Found out I had moderate depression, especially tied in with SAD (figured out the career path "teaching" wasn't going to work out in a traumatic way) OCD PD (hard one to narrow down) which totally explains my lack of interaction with people my own age. And anxiety which I've had since being a super young child.

CBT/ERP has helped the OCD although I suck on doing my therapy homework. Trying to be more comfortable with the grey in my life when my thinking tendency is Black/White. Doing my super best to actually accept emotions that I have and not judge myself. I'm exploring who I am and who I want to be. I work two jobs each with kiddos. Hoping to be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy in the next. That's my story for now.

[Hidden]

Hi Hayley. I really love your comment about trying to be more comfortable with the gray in your life when your thinking tendency is black & white. I feel you, totally! I have days when I don't think "I made a mistake at work," or "I could have done that a little better." I go straight to: "So & so hates me" or "I'm the worst employee/daughter/sister/mom there ever was." Thank you for your intro. You sound amazing. Lisa

[Magister44 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lisa! Thank you for your comments they mean alot!.....YES I get those same thoughts at work all the time....It's funny how the OCD brain is so good at castrophizing and assuming the worst when 95% of the time if someone else were to hear our concerns they'd say "I didn't think anything by it"