FACES, many blasts from my past. Old friends and ex work colleagues, some nameless. Pouring my heart out to my new best buddys like a guest on a chat show. There's no stopping me once in full flow, detailing my MPN history and subsequent GVHD. There's no logic, no rhyme nor reason in dreamland, mainly surrealism allowing me to perform Olympian feats, too run a marathon with ease. I've flown like Clark Kent and been 007 shaken not stirred. A polar opposite from the real me, vulnerable and physically weak.
I don't know why I have these dreams, maybe I'm in some sort of denial still after all these years or wish I could turn the clock back.
Do any of you guys have same or similar dream theme?. Or explain my need to tell all to folk I haven't seen for between 15 and 40 years.
Cheers Chris
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Nope !! do not think you are Jackanory Chris, I must admit my dreams are really strange too, when I wake in the morning I cannot seem to get them out of my head, and again they seem to be from my past, all really strange, started to put it down to what I have eaten that night before but do not think that has anything to do with them, my husband says that sometimes I cry out as if I am in pain but when I explain what I have dreamed of neither of us can understand why I cry out. Like you say maybe I am yearning to go back before all what has happened to me over the years to the days when things were how can I put it 🤔 Not so complicated.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life now as I did as a young girl, maybe for me it is a sign that I am getting old and wish that I did not have ET, but I intend to enjoy the rest of my life to the full even if I do get these strange dreams, and I know that I will never make the News at Ten. hehe😴😜
Hi Chris, nice to hear from you. I think I'll be joining you on Jackanory. Since being diagnosed 5 years ago, I certainly go through spells of strange dreams. My recurring ones include one during which I have walked 20+ miles with no problem, the next time I'm on a bike. Would be struggling to walk one mile today!!
I also have one where I am fighting against a horrific storm with waves crashing around me and my house. I seem to be back in my childhood home but by the sea (it is 26 miles inland)! I do wonder (probably silly) if we are standing strong and fighting against our illness as we would do against raging seas or walking for miles.
Not been superwoman yet but definitely been fighting rising floodwaters from a river too. I take Tramadol at night for my arthritis- I was blaming it for the strange dreams ( thought I was getting hooked, 😺😺).
Take care and keep taking lessons from superman, even if it is only in your dreams! Kindest regards Aime xx😺😺Not sure about the blasts from the past.
I think sometimes our dreams are an outlet for everything going through our heads that we don't manage to acknowledge in normal everyday life. I really think dreams and nightmares run in my family, I have very vivid dreams, my brother, 3 years older than me has nightmares most nights ( drives his wife nuts ) and one of my daughters 39, also has nightmares. We laugh about them in our family and say it's just a Williams trait! I also think, as Aime has said that sometimes drugs can cause a reaction. When my late husband was in hospital with lung cancer he was taking Tramadol and had horrendous dreams. He told me one day that they take all the curtains around the beds down at night and put them up again the next morning! And one day he said he hadn't slept a wink as there was a war of little people going on outside the window all night!
Re blasts from the past, I think it's similar to how you can't remember what you done yesterday but can remember what you done 20 years ago. It's all in our brains somewhere.
I hope you don't find them too disturbing? You need to get restful sleep while you are battling with your health. You must wake up worn out!!
Hi Chris, dreams can be so cruel as you have portrayed here so well. This is just an observation, maybe it's a sub-conscious way of coming to terms with your MPN? Performing Olympian feats and flying like Clark Kent (great imagery) notably require a physically strong body. It's also interesting that the 'faces' you mention are also from your past, a time when you were physically healthy. In the present - you recognise that you're now 'vulnerable and weak?'
I have a recurring dream where I'm riding a penny farthing bike (mad, I know) and it is so high up and it's shaky and I fear falling from this great height. I have concluded it's about a fear of losing control.
I'm no 'dream expert' but as opposed to a denial could these dreams and need to explain to everyone about your MPN/GvHD be due to the fact that MPN/GvHD probably take up an enormous part of your life, time and energy and it may be difficult to switch the mind to other things ?
I know that before I had my GVHD and things were going well (about 9 months after my SCT) I had the feeling of 'is this it?' - to me MPN-SCT-GvHD was and is such an intense situation and life rocker that the mind has difficulty getting a 'breather' sometimes.
I too have these dreams and nightmares ,waking up short of breath and confused!
Think it is the constant worry of the illness that stays in the subconscious,and yes we are usually our young selves in these dreams, Ireckon that is wishful thinking!Some of the medication I have at the moment does say on the leaflet...can cause nightmares....so sure all the stuff we take helps towards it all. Chris ,you are not alone,as you see.Sweet dreams everybody!!!!
I dream that I'm bleeding from my nose and it won't stop, or that my fingernails are all black. Sometimes I'm covered in bruises. I wake up and run to the bathroom only to see that I'm fine. Other times I have a good dream that my ET is all a mistake and that I'm healthy again. These diseases take a psychological toll on us that is a heavy burden to bear.
What a story Chris. Hope you are writing all this down, I`m sure you have a book in you after all you have been through. As for dreams, I have always had them and could recall them in the morning, but since ET and hydroxy, still have them but more so. I seem to dream all night, each time I wake 2/3 times in the night I have been dreaming but now I cannot recall anything of their content, its all a muddle - a bit like life really. Take care, Sue
Chris, you are not alone. I have constant disturbing nightmares. Usually about things that are out of my control, like a loved one dying or I am in so much pain and cant wake up or do anything about it trying to phone someone but constantly cant get the number right. I could go on and on but I am sure you have been there. done that. Sometimes I feel I don't want to go to sleep.
The thing is, that I over heat and have a fan beside the bed ( drives my hubby nuts ) constantly, but I find the nightmare's occur most when the fan has been switched off ( usually again by hubby ). So its become an obsession to have my lifesaver on.
It is normal I think to have these dreams, subconscious wishing to be back pre MPN when life was so simple.
As other's have said, medication can also play a cruel part in it.
Wish I could poem you back, but usual brain fog has kicked in today so all I can do is say stay your positive self a big virtual hug..
Yes, Chris. I have dreams about my mpn but usually I am unable to take part in something because of my fatigue level and then I get into explaining to everyone what is wrong with me and why I can't join in the fun.
I did have a dream once after my port had actually spurted blood after a transfusion and I guess I was worrying that it might become blocked as I dreamed that next time they had to access it with a hammer and chisel!!!
I think your dreams are showing you have a positive mental attitude!
Hi Chris, I have warped nightmares where I kill people and strange dreams that baffle me for weeks on end. The weird thing is I cry if I run over a toad in real life and despise violence in every shape and form. I have no idea what any of it means. Lovely to hear from you. Mel x
Hey thanks for your interesting responses, , didn't think for a mo I'd be on me own in the weird dream dept. Strange how we can send probes to Mars, discover planets in other galaxys and split an atom, but we don't know a fraction of what goes on in our minds and what they are capable of. .
I have taken alot out of reading your experiences and opinions especially about not being able to switch off what one is going through which makes plenty of sense to me. So I feel a tad easier about my dreams though mine are not nasty nightmares (except when my ex wife makes a cameo appearance 😈) . . I don't envy those of you suffering nightmares.
Hi Chris, If I told you my dreams you'd have nightmares!!! I have very strange dreams, and like the others often set in the past. You know when we were all young, strong and invincible, slimmer, fitter and the rest!! They often include my parents - gone for many years now, perhaps I need my mother to kiss me better!!
Anyway about being Clark Kent - have you been wearing your underpants on top of your pyjama trousers??
Best Wishes
Lizzie
PS if you turn into Daniel Craig send me your address immediately!!!
Hi Lizzie, like the post but I've now got this image of Chris with his underpants over his pjs!! Hope I don't have a nightmare tonight! Only joking Chris. Kindest regards Aime xx😺😺
Ps interesting dream about parents, that is a common one for me too but nice memories of them in my dreams.xx😺😺
Hi Chris, Just to add a little more to the mix. There is something in the old adage "why not sleep on it". I like to do crosswords and quizzes and the times I ponder on some answer or other, go to sleep, wake up and there is it or in some cases I can put in no end of answers. So the old brain box does sort things out in our sleep/dreams. In the past I have even dreamt about some famous person, without having thought about them for years and they have appeared in the news the next day, how weird is that. Just wish I could dream the lottery numbers the night before they`re drawn!! Take care, Sue
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