Still so devastated..!

[Wenmol]

Hi all!

I'm so relieved that I've found this website/forum. I've looked for years for something like this!

I empathise with you all having read some of the posts on here..my heart goes out to you!

I'm 49, 50 this year and still I feel the pain, grief and devastation of being childless. I just don't think it will stop because for me it's not just about feeling these awful emotions but something much deeper..it's a part of me..a massive part that has left me with an empty soul. I have spent years trying to find a purpose to my life without the child/children I so so wanted but still I fail to find one.

I threw myself into work, working long hours and 7 days a week if I could to keep myself busy and to try and distract myself from my torments. I also thought my achievements/satisfaction at work would hopefully fill the massive gap that needed filling in my life..unfortunately it didn't!

[pm27]

If only there was a magic answer to ease the pain of childlessness.

Have you considered counselling? I found it helped and I know it's something I can use again if needed.

[Wenmol in reply to pm27]

Thank you for your reply pm27. Yes I've had a lot of counselling over the years having suffered depression since childhood so my difficulty and subsequent childlessness was always discussed. I always found it helpful to talk about my feelings but it never resolved the pain, grief and desperation.

[pm27 in reply to Wenmol]

Have you had counselling from an infertility specialist? I've had counselling for anxiety/depression and it was very different from the counselling for infertility. Counselling doesn't stop the pain but it has lessened the hurt. For me it has been about adjusting to a "new normal" and realising my reactions were "normal". Reading Jody Day's book has also helped.