My body failure!

[alone12]

I'm new here. I've been looking for a support group for 6 months and keep failing to find an appropriate one. I'm here not because I'm infertile, but because i have a heart condition which means if i was to become pregnant i would die (it's not worth the risk). Some of you may think that gives me no right to be here, as i have not suffered the same loss. But i didn't know where else to go (i couldn't find anywhere else).

I've been telling myself for 4 years now that it's okay to be childless and i don't need children to complete me. But who am i kidding? It's becoming more and more difficult to deal with as more friends and family go through the natural progression of finding a partner, settling down and having babies. Am i the only one who feels very alone? And very jealous of their happiness? I also feel anger of my bodys failure, is this irrational? What should i do?

[Hidden]

Hi alone12 you are definitely in the right place, I'm glad you found us. Everyone here has been through a different journey but has meant that we don't have the children that we so wished for and so all experience the same grief, jealousy and anger you talk about, you are not alone.

Many of the members on here will be in touch in good time I'm sure but if you would like to drop me a line at [e-mail] I will be able to share lots more information with you to help support and inspire you through this particularly difficult time. There are also some groups across the country so that you can meet up with other members if you wished so do let me know what area you live in.

I look forward to hearing from you soon,

Cat

[e-mail]

More to Life Coordinator

[annier60]

Oh sweetheart..you pain is just as real and unforgiving. .you too are grieving. Your path to this place may be different but it still puts you in that sad lonely place that we all feel..there is no cure or even a handbook of solutions but shared experience and talking to others helps to alleviate the complete isolation that goes with the sadness and disappointment. .my journey is different to others as I had no supportive husband( he refused to even consider IVF ) and IVF and other fertility treatments were not readily available. ..No one would judge you on your journey to here but hopefully support and encourage you through the difficult times ahead...

[alone12 in reply to annier60]

Thank you. Just sparing the time to reply means so much. The thing that bothers me most is who will lools after ya when we are old? I know that's daft, because I'm currently only 29, but i can't bare for my hubby to be lonely in his old age and forgotten about, as much as he says that having children is not for him, i can't help but feel guilty

[annier60]

Well sweet..children are not a guarantee of looking after you in old age...I just tell myself. .you know what ..I will worry about that when the time comes...in the meantime I am grateful for the good health I have ..elderly people are very lucky to have family around as modern life can split families to different parts of the world..and children have families of their own and jobs and lives too...so try not to worry about the future ..just enjoy the present and all the goods things you have ...we women are such worriers...am sure it's genetic...lol

[Infertility-hurts]

Hi alone 12,

Welcome and I hope you will take some solace and comfort from this community,

Agree with all Annier60 said re aging and children but would add one thing,

Please, please, don't ever blame yourself or feel guilty.... Speaking as a man I am sure all your husband wants is your happiness and best interests to be meet.... He will love you anyway, your heart condition is part of you and while a cure or alleviation is certainly what we'd want hr will still love you with it,

Be good to each other and also, personally, I'd avoid or at least not get too much into others' lives or business.

We know people who have seemed great then divorced etc etc so while others do seem to getting on in life who knows what's really going on?

Best not get involved as the infertile will only hurt when seeing others who more or less parade their children with no thought to the hurt it causes those with a bereavement, be it infertility, miscarriage, etc

Take care and love your self and your husband!

[Hidden]

Hi alone12 annier60 Infertility-hurts reading this I can see that you have a concern that many people worry about. Have you heard of Ageing Without Children? awoc.org The founder Kirsty is also hosting one of our webinars where she will be talking about Planning to age without children. It's not until June so it might be worth taking a look at the website in the meantime. I hope that's of some help

Cat

[Infertility-hurts in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Cat

[Katybetter]

Nothing about your body is a failure. Would you think or say that to one of us? Ofcourse not! Your body is fighting a heart condition surely that’s the opposite of failure!?