My other half has been diagnosed with depression. and i dont know how to help he feels like hes all alone but hes not and it braking myheart

[kittykatsad]

what can i do to help him please help me he talks about killing him self and it killing me

[Hidden]

Sometimes we forget the outsiders who are part of lives - they live it too (the depression). It's so difficult to explain as we are all different. I tend to go inwards (exclude people around me) though I know they love me i.e. my mum, son, sister. They thankfully don't take it personally it's just me. As I said I go into myself, don't want people talking to me, asking me things. So depending on him, don't make too much of a fuss this draws attention to the fact he's suffering from depression. Reassure him you care and can listen to problems - so don't force an issue relating to the depression. Yes of course continue with normal life etc and don't make him feel he's "different", for me that causes a guilt trip. These are only my thoughts from my own perspective of my depression. Others here may advise differently.

[kittykatsad in reply to Hidden]

i do continue with normal life and iv told him im here when he wants to its been nearly 6 mounths hes not getting better hes on pills and going to CBT i see him strating at pills and knifes and it scares me would i be able to ask him what hes thinking or would this hurt him more? p.s. thanks for the answer

[berneboy]

I am just recovering from a lengthy episode of depression. It has been very difficult and I thought I would never feel joy again. My wife couldn't understand - I don't think anyone can unless they have suffered in this way. My most important message to you is that the recovery is not your responsibility. the doctor, therapist/counsellor and friends and family are all part of the picture. My advice is to try to be patient, keep smiling at him, hold him, say nothing negative and be as positive as possible without going overboard as he won't accept what you are saying until he starts to recover. Help him to gently exercise and meet good and positive friends who listen rather than try to solve his problems. Try to encourage him not to hide away but allow him to rest too - he will need to.

I would suggest you read one of the many good books around - check Amazon. I found

'Depressive Illness: The Curse of the Strong' very readable and helpful.

God bless you in this. I now find joy in my life and love my wife more than ever. Believe it will pass for it will.

[kittykatsad in reply to berneboy]

thank you i just want him better i hate seeing him like this wer ment to be getting married in 3 mounths but i dont think its going to happen the way he is atm

[SueBeeSue]

Hi, I'm really sorry to hear you are going through such awful times right now. It's great that you are there for your partner and wanting to help.

I don't know whether you spotted it, but there was a similar post a few days ago and it received quite a few responses. Might be worth looking at that to see if there's anything you think might help you and your partner:

actionondepression.healthun...

It sign posts you to other sources of help too.

Hope this helps. Sue xx

[kittykatsad in reply to SueBeeSue]

thank you

[Gambit62]

Make sure you are taking proper care of yourself.

Let him know it's okay to talk but it's also okay not to talk.

Don't drive yourself mad feeling you should understand. The people that help me most are the ones that don't try to understand but just manage to be there and can just accept it's where I am at the moment.

It can take a long time so take it one day at a time.

Hope it works out

[Photogeek]

Your partner is lucky that you are supportive and caring. Try and go on as normal, make sure he links back with Doctor and keeps any appointments he needs. You have to look after you too, as it can be difficult worrying about others.

Just being there is enough, its a slow process , the getting better bit I mean. I would not put too much empahsis on marriage right now. You can always do that later when he is able for that. Would you think of going to a support group for relatives of people with Depression, that might help you and you talk things over.

Hope you both do well and take care of yourself too.

Hannah

[coatpin]

Hes obviously very depressed. Tell him hes ill, and things will get better, but it may take time. Tell him, that the chemicals in his brain, isnt working well, and thats why he feels like this. Hes ill, tell him your there for him, you can say that its hard for you to understand what it feels like, but it must be awfull for him.( tell him that your there for him) how ever bad it gets, (even though you might get fed up sometimes) dont ever Ever say anything in frustration,,, hes very fragile,, mentally. anything might tip him over the edge. especially if hes feeling suisidal. Its good hes talking to you,,, . Tell him its okay if he needs to sleep, its the bodys way of mending, and treat him as though he has toncilitis...with love.

Tell him, he will start to feel lighter when the tablets start working, and in a month, or two,, if he doesnt feel anybetter, or worse,, he must go back to the gp.

Empathy, not sympathy is what he needs. He might get very needy,, but its not forever,,, be patient,, it may take time, he might change, but it willbe for the better, and when he gets well, again,, and he will,,,,he will appreciate life so much more than he did. and love you that much more,,, for just being there,,, for him .xxx

But dont forget to take care of yourself, your going to need to be strong for the both of you...get your hair done,,,that sort of thing to cheer yourself up.

hemight have trouble sleeping tell him its okay watch the tv, or listen to the radio, or read a book, I used to bake busicults,,,sometimes migraines,,,and sleeping a lot,,, its all part and parcel.. take care,, and tell him to talk on here,, then he will know,, theres a lot of us,,,, out there,,, just hiding in our safe homes

[Hopetobehappy2013]

Hiya, I wanted to reply to you as I was sure you too (as well as your husband) are in pain and going through hell. I sometimes think that it's worse to watch your loved one go through awful things than to go through them yourself as you feel so powerless. I'm sure if you're concerned enough to write your worries he recognises it.

The reason I'm replying is that I have suffered from postnatal depression before and am being treated again now. I didn't realise when I was so depressed that I was as bad as I was! You try and struggle on don't you? And when you have a baby it's all happy, but the life transition is shocking sometimes, and I found people weren't as I thought they should be..re supportive, in fact they couldn't have been worse. I used to get up to cry at night, and cry in the morning, morning is worst. I used to think if I stayed as still as possible I could not feel, and I felt tormented and very very sad. My mum was ill as well at the time so that also was awful. Anyway, apologies for rambling, you get the picture!

I distinctly remember wishing I was dead, and people would be better off as I was such an awful person...and the reason I'm finally getting to was because my husband was amazing. He listened to me, encouraged me and importantly though I expected him to he never lost patience with me or importantly judged me. I tried really hard, but knowing he was my safe place with our lovely little girl gave me a safe haven. Going through things and taking it in turns to care and support each other has made us stronger than ever, andI'm so grateful to him. I'm jot saying that families should endlessly listen or watch while you don't address the problems, it's a hard slog, but essential to do but having that unconditional person felt to me like 'safe home'.

I hope that helps to say how important you are - he does need to get treated and work on overcoming it, people can only help us help ourselves, ESP working on what happened to avoid it in future.....x

[Hopetobehappy2013]

Yes, and after a couple of weeks the tablets really help, but don't overdo it too much as energy levels are still low.

I can also recommend Tim Cantopher's book - 'depression, the curse of the strong' - it's fantastic, amazon stock it x