Good morning , I have been battling with my feelings for about 4 years, what started out as just feeling a little low has now progressed into what I believe to be depression, but when I read some of the posts on here and I see how some people are suffering much more than I appear to be I feel that I am a fraudster.
My state of mind has got so bad that I have finally plucked up the courage to see my GP. I have virtually cut off all my friends and relatives, I prefer to sit on my own at home, my poor wife has finally given up on me because I just will not discuss any of my problems with her, my colleagues at work steer well clear of me because I am so irritable my attention span and short term memory are virtually nil. Last year I was admitted to hospital with a small lump on my testical, which turned out to be nothing serious. However for the short period I felt if it was serious this could be my escape from the way I feel mentally. Up until this point I had never spent the night in hospital I was even born at home, however I felt safe there and even yearned to go back in.
Although I have no intention of committing suicide the thought of dying does give me some feeling of relief. But I just get the feeling that I need to get a grip and shake this off and stop wasting peoples time.
Any advice would be appreciated
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chris377
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You're absolutely not a fraudster. You only have to google the symptoms of depression to get an idea of the many symptoms available. I've been severely depressed, but I've never wanted out. It's not for anyone here to attempt to diagnose your situation, but it certainly sounds to me like you might be struggling and need to have a chat with your GP. I completely understand the hospital thing. I was admitted, only for a few hours, recently with sickness and low blood sugars. The feeling of being able to hand all my troubles over to the doctor was massive. I've thought several times since that I'd like to be back there. I hope you manage to get along to the GP and it would be lovely to chat to you more on here X
Suzie 34 'symptoms available' makes it sound like depression is something you buy in Ikea. That really gave me a laugh.
Chris 377 dont worry about being a fraud, you are not. Please go to Dr. and let him see what he thinks, you are sensible to get it checked out right now. Why suffer on? the sooner you get to tackle it the better.
Yes, I agree. Go to your GP as soon as possible and see what they say. Hopefully, they will be able to help you with the depressed way you are feelong now. You will find lots of support on this site from very understanding people. They have certainly helped me. All the very best and please let us know how you get on. Good luck.
Chris,
Far better to go and see the doctor.
Whilst everyone is different - Suzie's Ben and Jerry- like choice of symptoms - no-one is affected in quite the same way by depression, or exhibits the same symptoms, your feelings and behaviour appear to be very similar to the feelings I had been experiencing for a long time before I was rather forcibly given some treatment.
I didn't know or admit to myself ) that I was ill - and would no more have gone and seen a doctor about depression than fly in the air - it turns out the depression was only one facet of a series of rather complicated issues, the detail of which I will not bore you.
I wish someone had had the sense to suggest that I had done so before I completely lost the plot - which I did, along with just about everything else.
I'd suggest a lot of the trouble is because you're a bloke.
We're conditioned from an early age to not display our feelings, to carry on regardless and not make a fuss.
It simply isn't 'manly' to admit - either to oneself or to another person - that we might have a problem.
Go and see the quack.
If he prescribes something, which he will and it will probably be Citalopram, which they hand out like Smarties, try it and see if it helps.
If it doesn't, don't be fobbed off.
Ask for a referral to a specialist.
This is one thing a bloke can't deal with by simply gritting his teeth and carrying on.
That was some great advice. He will benefit greatly if he follows through like you mentioned. Also, I wanted to say something that has nothing to do with the topic. I liked the way you said certain phrases. It was like I could hear you say these words with a fancy accent...with your fancy lingo....which would only be an accent in my ear....because I gather everyone else in here is British or close to that. Sorry, I've just had this obsession with the English accent forever.
I think we all think we are frauds in the beginning, because we think we are not worthy, you can't just shake it off, this is an illness that needs treating I wish you luck with the doctors, good health in the near future x
I have been very low and under the watchful eye of my doctor for a long while now. I am starting to feel better and I am having the same thoughts as yourself. Have I made all this up? Am I a bad person? I have bad days where I still sit and cry for hours, isolate myself etc but they are getting further apart and it makes me feel as though I should just pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself. A few months ago I couldn't function at all!! I think it is just the nature of the illness.
Thanks for all your kind words, i cant tell you how much they mean, i was actualy crying whilst reading them. eventually got an apointment for 2.10 today. Fingers crossed.
Oh I just flew here when i saw am i a fraudster, and had to laugh thanks for making me laugh and all the comments that were also left. I just want to say yep we are all different with our own issues and problems, never think that someone is more important than you, because you are the one living your life and you know when something is not right.
Congrats on those big steps one you admitted it, two you have sought help here and by going to see a doctor and three for crying and releasing some of that stress.
My Mum used to say you had failed if you asked for help which ended up affecting me in a bad way, when i spoke to an Aunty a few years ago she was the opposite she was well done for going and getting help and for seeing that you could not cope and things were not right.
Maybe try to explain to your wife that you just dont feel great in your mind and that she has done nothing wrong at all if you cant speak to her well maybe write a note to her and see how that works for you, its all about trying different things and finding the right solution for you but you will get there, we all do but we all trip and stumble and all have good days and all have bad.
Its one heck of a roller coaster ride but if i could go to ikea and buy a happy me, well i would be there waiting for the shop to open, take care and know we are all behind you supporting you the whole way
Helen
Oh Chris, you are so NOT a fraudster, if anything you've obviously been very brave to cope for so long with these feelings on your own but it does sound as though it may be getting worse for you.
Please make it really clear to your doctor all your feelings no matter how hard you find it to express them...you need to be taken very seriously.
I hope the appointment went well today Chris and to reitterate what everone else has said, we'veall been there. That first step is so hard, How do you know whats normal? What level of miserableness counts as depression? How bad do i have to be before i get help? Do i 'qualify'. Most of us have suffered for way longer than we realise when we finally seek help. The important thing is to focus on you now, do whatever you need to do to get a happier you. You need support around you so even if you need some space try not to push people away. Perhaps if you dont feel you can talk to your wife just yet you could just write something and explain youre not in a good place at the moment but dont feel your ready to discuss things, thats youre trying to get some help but youd like her support too and dont want to cut her out. Wishing you all the best x
Quick update, My Doctor was fantastic ! he sat and listened while I laid my heart out on his desk, I had never met him before but he seemed to know exactly how I felt. He diagnosed me with clinical depression and prescribed 20mg Citalopram and if I felt up to it counselling to. I agreed to both. A massive weight has been lifted and the first step taken, apparently Suzie34 I have done a fair bit of shopping at IKEA.
That's absolutely brilliant news! I can only imagine the feeling of relief you have right now must be immense. It's such a giant step to take and you've done it. Well done. I'm so glad you met with such a supportive doctor. Now don't panic if you don't feel like running naked through the streets tomorrow morning. I've got citalopram 20mg stamped on my forehead. My experience of it with mild depression was about a fortnight for me to start noticing a difference. During the IKEA sale it was about a month. One morning sometime soon you'll wake up and realise things are not actually that bad, and very slowly you'll begin to climb back up. Take care x
Well done, Chris.
Give them a chance to work.
Might take a couple of months.
Some people say keeping a diary of how you feel each day will help keep perspective on things and help you see progress or otherwise.
I've found that quite hard to do, because when I'm bad, I really can't get motivated enough to write anything, and when I feel OK, I realise I have nothing to compare the feelings to - so don't bother - but it might work for you.
As for Suzie's suggestion of naked jogging, perhaps we should organise a Mental Health Awareness National Streaking Day?
Only taken one pill and don't feel to good not sure if its all in my head , pardon the pun. Today has been one massive day for me but I would just like to thank everyone for the support they gave me today. At one point sat in the car outside the doctors I very nearly bottled it but I kept remembering all the comments on here and as daft as it sounds I felt I couldn't let everyone down. Thanks again !!!!!!
Depression is depression Chris no matter how badly you think you have it or not. Or whether you think others are worse than you. Its not something you can just shake off - if it was no one would have it. If you had a broken leg you would get it treated wouldn't you? Its just the same thing except many people (including doctors) don't understand it and sufferers often feel embarrassed by it. Don't be. You are being very brave by facing up to it and recognising it.
Go and see your doctor and don't be fobbed off!
Good luck. We all understand on this site and are here for you always.
Bev xx
Sorry Chris didn't read all the posts before I replied. Am glad you found a good doctor - keep him! It can take 2/3 weeks for meds to kick in properly. As meds are trial and error it the first ones don't suit you go back and try another.
I first started on prozac, changed to mirtazapine and finally to sertroline which suit me fine.
Well done for making that first bug step. As the others have said , it can take a while for the tablets to take effect. I well remember when my did and actually felt 'normal' for the firt time for ages.Give them a chance and hopefully they will be the right ones for you. Pat on the back for you, sir. All the very best.xx
yes sounds like to have got depression. when you have the chemical that is missing in your brian, you will feel lighter,, so appreciate the good days, and just grit your teeth, and be nice to your self, and to your wife. Give her the website address and let her read some,,, then she will have idea, of how your feeling.
Hi Stuart, been struggling a bit to be honest, the tabs seem to be making me anxious and panicky. Could have done with taking a bit of time off work to be honest but unfortunately I’m not in a position to do that so just got to get on with it.
Good news is the wife is getting behind me and giving me support, she was showing me some book she has bought on her Kindle written by a doctor who suffers with depression that helps partners to understand what we are going through.
Stick with the medication, though - it will take a few days to kick in - at least a couple of weeks or a month - and in that time your body will be getting used to the effect.
Not everyone responds well to Citalopram - it seems to be the starting point for most doctors, but give it a real go.
I'd avoid the booze with them - I have personal experience with the effects - not myself, but in watching someone I cared about a great deal spiraling out of control.
I'm glad your other half is giving you her support, that kind of direct help is worth a million pills, in my opinion.
I'd stress that I'm not a doctor and that at times I'm not exactly the most rational person in the world, so keep that in mind.
We're here for you though - it ain't much but it all we got.
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I am in a very strange mood tonight.
Feeling down today.
