Need a friend

[Neekey]

71 male. Married. Suffer depression and anxiety on and off. It's like activating a switch, it's back in an instant. No money or marital issues. No real stress so why me .

[Hidden]

Hello Neekey

Anxiety is a very tricky thing and affects people different ways, i'm even told by a psychotherapist, that something that happened a long time ago can manifest later on and can be hard to find any trigger.

Anyway, i'm 49 and currently bedridden with PoTS, and on top of that, I developed anxiety, the situation hasn't helped there.

Do you get any physical symptoms with your anxiety?

Finding a group would be a good idea, I like to do things I enjoy, or make me happy, to get through the days, whether it be puzzles, reading, listening to music, or just spending half an hour online. Support is also key, it's very hard to deal with alone, so getting the right support helps somewhat.

There are some very useful channels on YouTube that have helped me over the last couple of years, The Anxiety Guy and Trey Jones have both experienced anxiety in the past, and have gone on to be ambassadors. Therapy In A Nutshell is another interesting channel, all offer a lot of informative videos. You can even interact with them and they always answer your questions.

I love watching videos from The Anxiety Guy, his very calm approach is easy to listen to, and he refers to us as 'warriors', he makes a lot of sense, here's a link to one of his videos, it's about anxiety and depression, you may find this enlightening.

youtu.be/TGc-VHgQiw0(Not working as expected?)

[Neekey in reply to Hidden]

It's strange. Depression can lie dormant then one small trigger can change things in an instant. The very negative feeling for days on end, not wanting to communicate. I think my problems stemmed from argumentative parents in childhood and as I got older they were very domineering. I don't sleep well and have vivid dreams, wake early tired in day. Then all of a sudden I flip ok again. I have had counselling and do excercise. Hard for a partner to understand. Talking here may help. Many people like me I'm sure.

[Hidden in reply to Neekey]

Hi, for sure, opening up might help get it off your chest. Over the last couple of years, particularly since becoming bedridden, I have become depressed and feel like life is passing me by.I can relate to the troubled childhood, I was an only child and my parents were at each other's throats every day.

The final straw was witnessing my drunken dad attempting to cut my mother's head off with a saw in the kitchen, I was 10 years old at the time.

They were divorced the following year, but then I spent a few years in and out of care.

Life can throw us these challenges sometimes, and it's funny how they can affect us later in life, I'm told it could be playing a part in my current condition.

I too have those vivid dreams, I'm extremely sensitive and can snap at the slightest thing.

I'm also quite jumpy and a normal argument with my partner can stay with me for days.

I spend a lot of time quietly by myself and don't really like to engage with other people. If my partner's family come to visit, I put headphones on. I don't trust anyone outside my home.

Does this sound like you at all?

[Neekey in reply to Hidden]

Definitely. My wife tries to be 'nice' but that's not what I want. Just to be left alone with my own thoughts. I have no real friends and kids are in 40's with their own lives. Hate getting older, but you are not in a good place so I appreciate you talking to me.

[Hidden]

I appreciate being answered. Same as you, my kids, whom I looked after by myself, have their own lives now and both in their late 20s. I too am not liking the ageing process very much, and feel like my life is now being wasted.I only have one true friend with whom I'm in touch with, and he has his own issues with anxiety.

My partner tries to be 'nice' too, but like yourself, sometimes you just want to be left alone to deal with what's going on.

Sure she spends time with me, whether it be eating, or watching our favourite things together, but then 90% of the time, I'm by myself.

I still ask those questions like what's 'really' wrong with me? Will I get well? Why is this happening to me? Overthinking and catastrophising.

Doctors just want to prescribe antidepressants but I'm reluctant to take the medication route.

[Neekey in reply to Hidden]

I took mertrazapine for 3 years. First year fine. Then it started to make me reckless and nasty. Coming off takes quite a while. I don't take alcohol at all as had heart attack 5 years ago. Where are you from.

[Hidden in reply to Neekey]

Sorry to hear of your attack, that must be a constant worry for you?I'm also a tee-totaller, I saw a lot growing up as my dad was pretty violent with drink.I'm in the North West of the UK, not too far from Manchester.

I do have the prescription for Sertraline that my partner collected about 3 weeks ago, but they're still unopened in my drawer, I don't want to take them.

[Neekey in reply to Hidden]

I asked where because of the UK problems we have had over the last few years. I retired in 2015. Then we had general election, then Brexit, Covid and financial turmoil now. All these things must have affected people mentally let alone financially. It always seems there is one thing after another. You look at the media all you see are lots of women celebs , clones of one another, no personality BBC pushing a lefty adjenda, boat loads of sponges being put up in nice hotels while our homeless suffer.

No wonder we are mentally suffering. Makes me angry. No respect anymore for anything or anyone.

I feel better already having a moan. Lol

Anyway, you keep in touch. At least sun shining.

[Hidden in reply to Neekey]

You've touched on something here that I regularly rant about, you're right, respect has been non-existent for some time, no discipline anymore, kids can get away with just about anything.I used to see people sitting on the bus, couples, groups of friends, each one locked to their mobile phones, nobody communicating. So many things to test our patience in the 2020s.

As for television, i'm happy to say I can't get a transmission in my room, but I haven't watched terrestrial TV for about 5 years, and that was episodes of Bullseye on Challenge.

I don't read newspapers, full of depressing rubbish, don't watch the news, and prefer to watch my own collections or classic shows on Prime.

This lefty wokeness was responsible for me stopping watching football also, everything's changed and not for the better. Society has become very unstable and is it any wonder?

I often get called Alf Garnett, but I don't mind that.

I admire your 'old-school' attitude, I can hold conversations with my partner's dad, who will also be 71 this year, his views go a lot further and I can't repeat on here haha.

You've actually brightened my afternoon reading this, very refreshing to speak to someone who see the world through the same specs as me.

Great chatting to you mate, I'd love to stay in touch.

Where are you from by the way?

[Neekey in reply to Hidden]

Tamworth staffs . My nickname is Victor Meldrew, whom I love by the way, steptoe, on the buses, fawlty. Even will hay lol.Ians my name.

[Hidden in reply to Neekey]

I love good old Victor too, I like to watch Love Thy Neighbour a lot too, good old British sense of humour that seems to have died nowadays, you can't say 'owt anymore.

Great to meet you Ian, I'm Neil from Wigan

[Neekey in reply to Hidden]

Nice talking to you Neil

[Fraggy]

Hi Neekey totally agree wih your view of the current state of ukNo longer do we have freedom of speech unless you agree with the media's version of what is p c its frustrating and creates more barriers not less. Where has kindness common sense and manners gone.

Anxiety, depression (throughout my life ) and sciatica at the moment. Not a good mix.

At least I can rant to my partner who agrees. It seems like you can't say anything without being accused of being some 'ist thing.

I no longer watch the news it frustrates me it's b.s and certainly doesn't help with mental health. I am from the north west too.